Good morning ladies, well we have made it through his birthday, and thanksgiving now all we have left is Christmas, I know it sounds non-caring but I just hate the holidays now, We try to act like everything is fine because of the grand children and our daughter but every day through this period is just agony, On Jr.'s birthday I went to the cemetary with his kids and they made cupcakes and took flowers and baloons and they sang Happy Birthday Daddy, it broke my heart and I cried so hard like I haven't cried in days, and I just feel so much pain that the pain turns into anger. Then on thanksgiving we went to our daughters Jr's girlfriend took the kids to San Diego to see her brother so we didn't even have them, I try and understand that she needs her holidays but if Jr were here we would have them all. I guess I am just being selfish. I hope you MOM's had a good holiday and are doing okay or as the best you can. I know they say the first holiday season is the worst but I am really finding that the second is a bit harder because the first you are just so numb to it all, and now you have some of your feeling back and it is very painful, I hope some of you MOM's that unfortunately been doing it longer can give me some suggestions to make it through Christmas, Again I am sorry for ragging on same old items but it just goes round and round in my head and I can't get past this point.
Have a good one and I love and care for every one of you
frances Jr's mom
Dear Francis
I only got thru Mother's day and Thanksgiving,I have yet to go thru Christmas NY,his birthday and the anniv of his death.I know his BD will be the worst.I can only pray to the Father above to guide me and strengthen me because I have no strength myself and can't do it without His help.Trying to find things to do is getting harder and harder.Everyone says the first year is the hardest but I would have to agree with you,next year will be tougher because you are still numb and can't believe this is happening,but slowly reality sinks in and you're at such a loss.I am going to pray for you as I do all the MOMS for the Lord to help guide us thru these difficult situations that arrive daily to test our faith.God Bless and many Hugs your way.Barb/Nicky's MOM
I feel this year has been worse, I believe also it is because we were still so numb, this year has taken a toll on me. I feel completely crushed by the weight of everything. I don't want to do any holiday but I put a smile on my face for my other boys. My one son told me he didn't even want a tree, no decorations, nothing. I said, (but I'm telling you if I was alone I probably would not do anything) so I said to him, now you know how much Timmy loved Christmas and the holidays from Halloween on, it was his favorite time of year, he'd get a list all ready for me and everything, we can't not do Christmas we have to do it for him because of how much he loved it.
So yes I believe this year is harder, I can't even imagine every year going thru this pain.
I was thinking we have Christmas to go, then New Year's, then Valentine's, then her birthday, she would have been 21, then Easter, then Mother's Day, then we get to the first angelversary. I just want her home so bad. Then we have to start over with another year. I hate this! I hate it!
