HI MOM'S,WELL LATELY I BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH WITH MY OLDEST SON NOW,HE SO SAD,SO BITTER,AND JUST SHUTS ME OUT HIS LIFE,HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF SO MANY TIMES,WHAT HAPPEN'S IF I AM NOT AROUND WHEN HE FEEL'S LIKE THIS AGAIN,HE IS BACK IN GRIEF CLAASES AT SCHOOL,AND HIS TEEN PASTOR IS HELPING HIM AT SCHOOL,HE DON'T LIKE TO SHARE OR TALK WITH ME,FRIDAY WE TALK AND HE SAID MOM I CAN'T TALK TO U,HE CRIED MY HEART BROKE,EVERY SINCE TONY DIED WE ALL ARE DIFFERENT HE SAID!!HE SAID MOM U FUSS ABOUT EVERYTHING,WE CAN'T GO ANYWHERE BY OUR SELVES,WE CAN'T SLEEP OUT,WE CAN'T LIVE,I WAS CRUSHED,I KNOW HE MISS HIS BROTHER TONY,HOW CAN I HELP MY SON'S WHEN I FEEL SO BITTER AND CRAZY,MY LIFE IS UPSIDE SIDE DOWN,THESE HOILDAY'S DON'T MAKE IT BETTER,I GIVE AND SPEND TIME WITH THE BOY'S THE BEST WAY I CAN,BUT REALLY I AM HURTING,I TRIED NOT TO CRY AROUND THEM,OR BE SAD,BUT THEY KNOW,MY BABY BOY,IS MY STRENGH HE IS AMAZING SINCE TONY DIED HIS GRIEF IS SO DIFFERENT,HE STAY'S BUSY,HE IS IN EVERYTHING AT SCHOOL TO STAY BUSY,IF HE CRIES I DON'T SEE IT,WHEN HE IS SAD HE SAY'S MOM TONY IS WATCHING U,HE WANT'S U TO BE HAPPY,BUT MY OLDEST HIS HURTING SO BAD,LATELY HE DRAWS LIKE TONY,AND TAKES HIS DRAWING AND PUT IT ON A T-SHIRT,WOW!!U SHOULD SEE HIS ART WORK,IT HAS TONY ALL IN IT!!HOW CAN WE REACH OUT TO OUR OTHER KID'S THROUGH THIS PAIN,I LOVE U ALL,KISSES ALWAY'S!!!
As you know everyone grieves differently.Unfortunaetly we are finding out first hand.My oldest feels guilty.My daughter wants to move out because the house is so sad anymore.My son Vinny used to talk about it alot,now nothing and my youngest I think was getting tired of how everyone compared him to Nicky.He looks like him has his personality etc.That personality is gone though.I am left to pick up the pieces that these murderers shattered without regard to just how many lives they destroyed.Don't get me wrong my families life was not without problems,but they were problems we got thru and they were normal everyday problems,I knew the answer to.But this? How do you answer this? I am so sorry for your loss and don't know any answers i will continue to write though as there is strength in numbers.May God Bless and keep you and your family.Many Hugs your way.Barb/Nicky's MOM
My grandson Justin sounds a lot like your son. He is so shut down when it comes to his Mom's death. I worry a lot about him. One thing he has done and wants to do again is to go to an overnight camp called Comfort Zone. It is a wonderful place and I have taken my grandchildren ther for the last two years. Kids from HS and even college go. It is specifically for children who have lost a loved one. It is free and they even will pay for transportation if you need tat and put the parents or grandparents up in a hotel while the kids are at camp. If you wnat more info, call or email me. Phone is 919-837-2205. email firstname.lastname@example.org. Darien
Dear Michelle, boy I do know what you mean. I just posted the other day about my one son. He was always quiet, he didn't talk much about Timmy, my oldest well he was another story. I thought I'd lose him too last year, he is in a program now but he has been thru he**, he is not a strong person, he depends a lot on me, with him away it was a good thing, he didn't get the help he needed and suffered a whole year on his own, but now in this program they have therapy and stuff and I'm hoping so much that he finds comfort finally. My middle guy, he broke down the other night. I try not to cry in front of my boys either, but it is hard not to. He woke me up in the middle of the night, heart broken, there are no words, i just hope he knows that I am here for him no matter what, I tell my boys that all the time. We have each other. But I am so afraid their lives are broken now at such a young age, it worries me that they have to live this pain for so long and that they won't have a happy good life that you so much want for your kids, you know! It just breaks my heart. I wish I knew what to say, just keep talking to him, that is what I do, it is the only thing I know to do.
Well with a 13 year old I can kind of force the therapy so that is what we have done. He did not want to go at all and complained the whole time, but when he came out I could see a physical difference in him. It was like a weight off of him, even though they didn't talk specifically about Kaylin. This was someone who listened to HIM and it is confidential for HIM so he doesn't have to worry about upsetting me. I tell him he won't but they see our pain. I saw his letter to his SIssy and it broke my heart. I thought I was hiding things so well from him but his letter told me I wasn't. He said he missed her and that we grieved, but that mom grieves everyday and cries all the time. We try to include him in what he would like to do tradition wise and things he wants to do for her. It was his idea to add the daisies to the letters we sent to her. It is so hard for them.
I'm so sorry, I wish I could do something for you. I haven't even heard your voice for a long time now. As you know I stopped talking to anyone and started drinking. I was really out of it for a good while there. I have realized the drinking was a waste of time and money. Like one of the Moms told me,,,,,, it was just a bandaid. I just have to take one day at a time. The kids never leave my mine. From the time I wake up, I talk to them. I see for them, I sing to them, I cry for them. My life is shocking, I never ever thought I would be like this. The old happy go lucky crazy lady I use to be is dead, there is nothing left but a fat empty body. If that's possible! Fat empty,,,,, hummmmm maybe I'm losing it again, don't even understand myself.
I love you Baby Girl, be safe, I know your bosy love you.