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bad day

i just guess im having a bad day. when i woke up, i knew that this day was gonna be bad. im not real sure why. did i dream about jeremy and i just dont remember it? why do i have this feeling in my stomache like i just want to retch. its making me crazy. my husband works late so i dont want to wake him up yet. for what? to listen to me go on and on about...what? ive been crying for almost 3 hours. i cant help but think about jeremy. i feel like if i had missed his call. but i know there was no call. and there never will be again. im just missing him so much. i miss him all the time, but this feels different somehow. like, he's right there and i just cant reach him. like, all this time hes beeen right there and i just had'nt reched out far enough. like hes callin me and trying to get me to see him. god i want to see him so bad. i miss his precious smile, his beautiful blue eyes, his contageous laugh. i miss listening to his silly jokes, and laughing even if i dont get it. i miss yelling at him to turn down the stereo. i miss watching him and his brother dance together. they were so good together. i just miss everything ....i think i need to go lay down. im sorry for the rant. ill be fine.

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God Bless You Julie. I am so at a loss for words , having lost my beautiful son also i can say with all my heart ,I know what your going through, The holidays are especially hard,a time that use to be full of joy have turned to dread, God knows our hearts and our suffering ask him to help you, he will, I am so sorry you are having to go through this, we are her on those bad day's and on the goods and I promise there will be good day's ahead so stay strong, Bradley is not far away...
Love to you and a candle for Bradley...Jackie Tommy's momma

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Julie, I am so sorry you are having a bad day. I wish there was something I could do for you. I wish that none of us had to go through this horrible nightmare. It seems that we are all going through the holidays depression right now. It is alright to miss him. He is still your baby. I am sending hugs your way. {{{hugs}}}

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Hey Julie,
No one can truly understand how they lucky they are when they haven't lost a child this way. Just getting up in the morning can set off these moments & days. Then we wonder all day but there is never really an explanation to why...maybe because we just haven't "got over it" yet and never will. How do we ever get over such tragedy...we don't but we learn to cope with it. Even at that the pain is always there and even the smallest thing (for me tanning & nail salons, the sound of an ambulance, startling someone when I open a door, etc.) that all others take for granted as motions through life can knock us right off our feet and grab our heart so tight that we feel like our chest is caving in. We don't need to explain why we just know that it will always be there and only other moms will ever truly understand and be there for each other when it does happen. You always know where to find us and I have even found out that I cannot hide from you!In my thoughts always...not just on the bad days.

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Hey Julie,
We just listened to a song that made us cry and thought we would make you cry too! Sorry sometimes I just can't behave myself but it is a beautiful song and the moral of the story is YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Everybody Hurts by REM

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

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Oh Julie Girl feel the many hugs I send your way.Those days are going to creep up on us and squeeze us so hard we feel like we can't breathe.I used to liken those times when I felt like Nicky was reaching out to me as he needed a life preserver and I threw him one and he could'nt catch it.I now know that it was my own frustration that I couln't get there in time before he died and change things.But I know it was God that threw him the preserver he needed and he grabbed it so he's not alone.We need to catch a preserver and hang on for dear life so we're not alone.Hold on to the one I send your way and know that we are all here for you,we'll pull you in.God Bless and many many many hugs your way.Barb/Nicky's MOM

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hi julie, i am sending to u a big big hug,mom we know how you feel.lol joann hubert mom

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Yes Julie...I have had alot of those days. I call them my Gene's days. When I miss him so much and all I do is cry. That's when I put on his shirt and just lay on my bed and cry for as long as I want. It's like your arms ache because you want to hold them again. I am so sorry Julie. Just know that you are not alone. We are all here for you. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. God bless you.

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I cry every day, it comes out of no where sometimes I can get it under control and then some days I just can't and it wracks my whole body. Yesterday was a day just like that, I woke up that way, I cried and cried and then thought I'll feel better when I take my shower and I stood there and just cried and cried. I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

Laura, BTW, that's one of my favorite songs.

God Bless
Timmy's mom

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Just sitting here thinking about you and hope you have a good day!

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mom, im sorry that you feel this way about jeremy. he was my brother and i feel the same feelings you do. im sorry that this happend to our family but we've gotta be stong for each other if were ever goona make it our selves. i love you so much. you are our anchor, if you show your pain, were all screwed. be strong, if not for any body else, do it for me,and bradley, and your precious grandson,J.J
love you

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Some days are so darn hard some are just hard. Guess we all have the days we just can't cope I know I do, somedays seem to start out ok then turn to well you know. My heart hurts for you sending hugs your way.
Jimmy's Mom Shirlely