I hope you all are feeling at your best because today is my Birthday and when I got up this morning,all I could do was think about my son and realize that he's not gonna call and say Mama open the door I'm outside,I won't get that card but in my mind I can still here him say "you know I love you girl" that's what he used to always say when he wasn't worried about me be in and out of the hospital.Sometimes he'd have his ex girlfriend and they stop and bring me scented candles,I'm gonna light one today and that will be my way of having him here although in my heart, he has never left.I usually do something for my birthday. but today I think I'll just pray and start on this impact statement. I am suppose to send it to the probation sentencing officer before thanksgiving and I don't have a clue as to what I am doing because I don't know how to do one but I know how to let them know how they have changed my life forever and it seems to be for the worse.I need somebody to tell me what do you do when you don't know what to do.It's my my birthday and all I can do is think and cry.Please pray for me!
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!! I am so sorry that you are having a bad day.Remember the Lord KNOWS your pain.I'm praying that you make it through.Just close your eyes and see Reginald smiling down and asking the Lord to give you an extra special HUG and KISS this day.After all if it wasn't for this day you never would have bore him.Unimaginable.Big talk for someone whose birthday is the 25th of Nov and has yet to go through this day without my Nicky.Many Many Hugs your way.May God Bless you and keep you.Barb/Nicky's MOM
Dearest Deborah, your right you probley don't know what to do for your b-day, but just sit down take a deep breath, close your eyes and try and remember a bithday with your son at your side. That's what I did for my birthday and it makes you cry and then you put a small smile on your face, Jr had this habit of telling me "Hey fat girl", not out of disrespect but just because we are both kinda of heavy. I hear that in my head and I cry for a moment and then I smile because he was so darn funny. I came across a picture the other day of him it is not very good or clear but I remembered when it was taken and he was actually singing to me like a smart ass, that he was. I am so sorry for all the mom's here that have to endure the loss of their child and yet I thank God everyday for them, I wish there was never a need for a group like this but as long as there are bad people out there things that happened to our children are going to continue to happen.
Well anyway, Have a HAPPY BITHDAY and be strong. I know it is easier said then done, but you have come this far, you CAN go on.
On a note, impact statements are hard to write, when I wrote mine I had to write 3, because the first was so angry I cursed the animal almost every line, then the second was a little easier and the 3rd I told him about MY Jr. and how I will miss him and how his kids will grow up with out there daddy, and then I called him a coward and told him I know my son is in heaven at the right side of God and you, you will suffer and rot in prison for the rest of your miserable cowardly life. Because in prison you don't have a gun to shoot someone who calls you a name.
Sorry got a little carried away, this is suppose to be a birthday note not a soap box.
Again have the best birthday possible and take care of yourself.
Frances Jr's mom
p.s. my grief counselor says I am not angry, I am enraged and sometimes I believe her.
Wishing you a Happy Birthday. I know there is not much happiness for you today but just the same I pray you have a good day. I will lift you and Reginald in my prayers and ask God to bring some comfort and peace to your heart. Take care...God bless you.
Just letting you know we are thinking of you on your birthday and know how difficult it must be. Despite how hard it is we have to be here on all the days for our children's memories to live on and be their voice. We have encountered three of them since we lost Lisa almost 6 months ago. Both her sisters had their birthdays and her Aunt AV just celebrated hers only days after the one year anniversary of the loss of her mom and Lisa's Gramma June. All were very difficult and seem to be a trial run for the Holidays. Each and every one of them however we know that even though Lisa wasn't with us physically that she was watching over us. I know they just isn't good enough as they should be here but we are the survivors and we must do whatever we can just to survive. Her Aunt also liked candles so my girls purchased some for her from Lisa as we know she would have. We always sign all our cards with Lisa's name and even had her picture printed on our Christmas cards this year. She is still part of this family and always will be. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and in our thoughts and prayers today.
HI DEBORAH,I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I JUST HAD MY BIRTH-DAY NOV 11 TH-AND HUBERT WAS 13TH OF NOV,I AM SENDING TO YOU A BIG BIG BIG HUG WE LOVE AND PRAYERS,JOANN
I am sending Happy Birthday Wishes your way and a Big Birthday Hug. Reginald is watching over you so give him a smile and tell him how much you love him.
And feel his love in return.
Deborah you share a birthday with my son. He was missing his Sissy today too. I believe that some how she was with us and that she was celebrating too. It's hard to celebrate now though. I hope you had a happy Birthday and that you felt Reginald in small ways all day long.