I see , unfortunately, that there are a lot of new faces here. I am so very sorry that you are having to walk this life shattering journey.
It will be three years for me on the 26th of this month.
I had a very long post written, pushed the wrong key, and it disappeared. SOOOOOO,,this is the revised post.
(probably a good thing for you guys, I get long winded)
I want every new mother here to know that you can survive this. Whether you believe it right now, through all the suffocating pain,,it is possible.
It used to make me angry when someone would say that. But through the fog of trauma, seeing that they were surviving gave me hope.
I still cry every day for Joshua. I also get a smile on my face and in my soul when I think of all the love he gave me, and how blessed I was to ever have someone like him in my life.
I also believe that it is honoring him, not shaming myself, to find a way to live. Not just survive. But to LIVE. I am still fumbling around with learning how to do that.
"Hello From Heaven" is the best book I have read so far about the afterlife. I was shocked that I have had just about every type of contact that is known.
It is just in the last year that I have been able to concentrate enough to read books.
OK,,,,I have rambled on enough!
I love all of you,
Joshua Underwood's mom/soulfriend
Hello Yvonne, I'm so glad to hear from you I think about you and the mom's that were posting when I was still new here, you are so right and God is good and time helps lessen the suffering, I will light a candle for Joshua's Angel date, it's funny how we seem to go through the same criteria for healing, it took me about 2 years before I could set,read and then remember what I read, Thanks for the name of a good book I'm always looking for a read that will help validate my spiritual connection with Tommy, although I know he's at peace in heaven with our father and I believe they are kept from seeing the ways of this world because there is so much sin here, I believe they live in total beauty and love and don't feel the hurt and pain we do, to all mom's here, know your child loves you like you love them and they want you to live a good life the way you would want them to if you were gone for awhile, we will be with them again. God Bless you Yvonne and God keep your Joshua in love...Jackie Tommy's moma
I know I will survive because I have been surviving for 10 months now, I don't at this point think I will ever live again or even want too. I use to read every night I haven't read since my son's murder I tried but I read something and don't even know what I read my mind is in another place these days. I also cry and smile at memories of my son. He had a way of making people smile.
Your post does give me hope maybe some day I will want to live again.
Jimmy's Mom Shirley
A huge ((((((((((HUG))))))))))) for you and Tommy!
I am glad you remember me,,it makes me feel good, I havent been here in a LONG dang time.
I had to make sure that everyone here that is suffering so horribly, maybe to the point that they cannot function, that they are healing whether they realize it or not. No, this will never go away. But it does get "softer". It does get to where most days you can function, even if on a more limited basis than before.
I remember it being just a few weeks after Joshua was killed, that I came here. I remember every name of every child for the months that I was here.
I remember wanting to die, DIE, for even thinking that one day may pass, and I might heal more. ONE more day meant one more day WITHOUT HIM.
It still does.
But now I can allow myself to start figuring out how to LIVE without HATING myself.
Let go of guilt. It stands in the way of healing, and honoring your child.
I love you all,
Joshie Underwood's mom/soulfriend
I am so sorry you have to be here. It has only been ten months, your grief and trauma are so fresh.
I know that ten months is like ten thousand years, because it has been that long since you saw your beautiful child.
No, I am not totally healed. I never will be. My total healing will come on the day that I go into the afterlife,,when I have lived out my natural life here.
I really thought it was important to come back here, and give back to moms that were here before me, by letting the newer moms know that it is possible to survive.
I am honored to be able to do that.
I love you all,
Joshua Underwoods mom/soulfriend
I miss you Joshie