Well, my husband sat through a day in court for an arraignment that we were not told about while I was on pins and needles waiting to hear what happened. I was ready to head out but his time was scheduled and my husband felt I wouldn't make it in time and would get lost. (I guess he doesn't trust my sense of direction.) It ended up that I could have gotten there as he missed the bus and was brought in the afternoon. Then an attorney called saying that he represented him and was on his way so they had to pull him again. Then the lawyer got there and I guess he was not on retainer but was a "special appearance" What does that mean? The Judge would not allow that so they had to pull him back again to get a public defender. Then the attorney said he would be on retainer next week so they moved his arraignment to next Thursday. So we wait again, but at least we know when this time. We have been told that we don't have to go but we want to be there. If he is going to request a reduction in bail, wouldn't it be done at arraignment? If so I want to be there and know that happened. I spoke to the filing DA and he gave me a number to call for a Court Room Advocate. No one ever called back. It just makes me angry that we thought we were getting an advocate in place ahead of time so that when we got to this point we would already have someone on our side. I know the lady is prbly overworked but this is something we need and I just wish she would not have told us that she was our advocate if she wasn't sure about the program even existing. Had she told us that she would have to check we would have kept on top of it til we knew but finding out when you call to tell her an arrest has been made and then having her tell you that she isn't sure there is even a program for here, well that really frustrated me a lot. You really have to fight an uphill battle don't you?
Shirley, I signed up for that vine link too. That was how I knew he had been moved from the county he was arrested in to ours. If I had not signed up for it I wouldn't have even known he was here yet. I have already signed up for the LA county vine. I was on edge all day long and I didn't realize just how stressed I was getting until I got home and found that I didn't close my bedroom door well enough and my pups had eaten one of my shoes. I just lost it and cried until I fell asleep exhausted. A shoe that was eaten was what finally pushed me over the edge. I had a few people at work tell me I was so calm. I thought you have to be kidding. I am not calm at all. I was shaking inside waiting to hear something and this was just the arraignment. Apparently I have always seemed to be calm when things are bad, but my body doesn't hide it so well. When I get extremely stressed, I get this rash that itches to the bone and I end up scratching until I have rubbed my skin raw. Thankfully this time it is on my foot but it is back. I have only had it a few times and it was diagnosed as stress related eczema. So I guess I can seem calm but I am not fooling my own body.By the time this gets to court I may be one big walking pile of eczema.
I had 3 scheduled that my detective said I didn't need to go to. Most of it was what happened to you. The defense needs to get in place so they have the proper representation. He told me it was all legal issues and didn't want me to lose vacation time for something I wouldn't need to go to. I'm glad he told me this because it happened 3 times. My son' preliminary is for Dec. 10th now. Which I will definitly go to unless it gets cancelled! In my city the advocates are very overworked. They are in the court room every day. So if you don't hear from them (this is what I was told) they would be there anyway and you can talk to them when you go. Once the detective told me the one day was changed, I didn't get a call from the advocate until after that day telling me it was changed, well thanks I already knew that, plus it was 2 days later when they told me, jeez! I know what you mean I cry at the drop of a dime anymore, it just hits you out of the blue. I also have exezema on my hands the palms and when I get stressed I wake up scratching my hands it's terrible, gets worse in the winter and now probably really bad with the holidays and court coming up. What is this vine link?
go to www.vinelink.com. If it is in your State (which I believe that it is in most) you can register to be notified of any movement of the inmate you request information about. You will get an automated call that tells you when there is movement. If I had not happened to sign up the night before, I would not have known he was moved. Of course my message said he had been released and I went into panic. I thought that he couldn't have possible been released but maybe moved. He wasn't showing up anywhere so I started trying to find out where he was. I thought when they extradited him they must have "released" him from the northern cali system and was hoping that he was just not showing up in LA yet. My fear was that somehow he had actually made bail. It turned out that the first thing was what had happened. It is helpful to keep track of when the inmate might be moved.
Special apperance is because the POS hasn't come up with a retainer for the attorney. The court let Marlin's attorney do this same thing for the first couple of court dates, finally someone came up with money to pay him so he took the case. He didn't win but I bet he made big bucks off someone.
At first I was upset because this creep didn't give up his right to a speedy trial but it worked to our advantage I bet right now sitting in prison he is wishing he had. In your post about the avocet I posted a # you can call, probably the same one the DA gave you though.
I know what you mean Kim about the advocates. We were lucky with ours but we literally had to beg them to help us the first time. They iniatally called us but then when we returned the phone call they were too busy. Then they went on to say how understaffed they are. Well I can't understand that but when the murderers need something they automatically get it no questions asked. It is very frustrating but we need to be patient with the injustice system. I realize they are understaffed and overworked but who isn't these days and it never gives any of us an excuse not to do our job. They will pay outrageous costs to house these killers but when it comes to the offices that are supposed to be there for us then they cut every corner. Instead of posing for pictures about what Gov Swartz has done perhaps he should be looking into what isn't being done because of the lack of funding for the victims!I can definitely relate to what I call the "meltdowns" as our daughters long awaited memorial stone came in. We spent hours going over it with the place we ordered it from and when we arrived at the cemetary they had mispelled her nickname by leaving a letter out and put the duck on the wrong side of the stone!Then they tried to say it was our fault and they would fix it for $400. We don't even know if it can be fixed and still look right. We had to contact our lawyer to get them to try and fix it with no cost to us. Then our lawyer told us that if it wasn't perfect don't accept it and reorder from another company and sue them for the money. Because we aren't going through enough but he is right that is what we will have to do.It just makes me sick thinking about it. It is beautiful but it isn't what we ordered--unbelievable. Meanwhile this scum is sitting in the "Mayview Hotel" getting all his medical treatments, meals,etc. and us moms have to fight just to get out of bed each day to see how much more we can handle!Once again I have rambled way off topic but hang in there Kim as unfortunately yet fortunately you are not alone. Take care and thinking of all the moms and our beautiful babies.
Shirley it was the same number you gave me. The ADA told us that we could get one but that she would call us and keep us updated on everything. She said that they are understaffed and most of the time work on cases involving rape victims and such. It wasn't said directly but it sounded like they work on the cases who are still alive and have been victimized. From what I have seen we may be better off just doing it ourselves. It gives me something to focus on and that makes me feel I am doing something for my baby. Today has been hard. I stayed on the verge of tears all day and when I was alone I found myself bawling. I realized it was because I knew she would have been going out tonight and that I would have been telling her to be careful and knowing how much she would have looked forward to dressing up and having fun and just knowing that she won't anymore. I can almost hear her saying, "Mama, how do I look?' and the "I will I will don't worry so much I'll be fine" thing she would tell me. I always got the kids a Halloween surprise and decoration. I sent her decoration for her grave. I almost forgot to get my son's surprise. I was so caught up in missing her that I almost forgot him. Even at 19 and 20 she liked getting her surprise. :) The last few days I feel like I get a slap in the face to remind me that she is gone. Tomorrow will be four months. I remember when I counted the months I was pregnant, and then the months of her age. Now I am counting the months she has been gone. It feels like an eternity since I have held her.
If you don't get an avocet take pen and paper so you can write things down we will all help you.
I know Amanda was working on alot of other things along with Jim's case, they had just hired someone who was in training to be an avocet and she would come with her. I was so worried about all of this but I can now see that I am so lucky 10 months 12 days from the time of Jim's murder and the POS is in prison. I just wish it would go as well for all of you. Just remember we are all with you in sprit.
Much love to all
Jim's Mom Shirley
We are keeping a file on everything and we have a notebook that we keep everything written in. It helps a lot since we usually have so many questions and have to make so many calls. We are still waiting to hear from the pathologist who said he would go over the autopsy report. We looked up a lot on it but I want to be able to ask some questions that confused me. When it gets overwhelming for us I just remind myself that we are doing this for Kaylin. We are all she has left and we have to do this for her. We are fighting for her right to justice. I have gotten so much useful information from this site that has helped me tremendously. I am preparing myself for this to take a long time and if it takes less then that then it will be a good surprise. I am glad that Jimmy's didn't take as long as some. When you hear things like that it gives you hope that just maybe justice does work sometimes. :)
We have his arraignment tomorrow. Please pray it goes well and that they don't reduce his bail or anything like that. My husband said I can't point at my eyes with my index finger and middle finger and then at him. I think I should be able to let him know I am watching him. Just pray all goes well for us tomorrow.
I will be lifting you and Kaylin up in my prayers. Stay strong. God bless you.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers today.
Don't you worry he will know you are watching him.
Let us know what happens and remember we are there with you in sprit.
Love and Hugs
Jimmy's Mom Shirley
You & your family are in our thoughts and prayers. We will be thinking of you all day that they don't let the scum out. We will try to go on later as we too are usually alone except we have caught up with Shirley a couple times. Stay strong for Kaylin!
The arraignment went well. We have discovery on the schedule for December 19. I felt better knowing that he did not get his bail reduced and I saw him for the first time. I had seen a picture but seeing him in person helped me a lot. He seemed mad that he had to be there. Well, I am mad that we have to be there too, I'd rather have my daughter here. Thanks for all the prayers. I am just glad he is finally arraigned.
Now if he doesn't give up his right to a speedy trial it should go like Jim's trial went. It seemed like a long time to me at the time but after hearing what other moms and families are going through it was a very, very short time. What has he been charged with? Do you know yet? What ever it is I hope he gets the maximum sentence the law allows.
Love, Hugs and prayers
Jimmy's Mom Shirley
I was in need of some conversation yesterday with others who are going through what I'm going through.I'm not one for counseling or drugs but I gotta tell you I'm pretty messed up and feel like I can't breathe half the time or like someone is constantly punching me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me.I googled mothers of murdered children and found this site.My son Nicky was murdered March 31st 2008 and this site from what I can see is full of alot of things that may be able to help me with this grieving process a little.Just knowing that there are others who feel the same way as me is bittersweet.Mothers who understand is comforting but at the same time how horrible that so many are as sad and heart broken as I am.Sort of like looking at Nicky's pictures comforting yet sad.Well I wanted to write you first as your story or chat came up first.I'm glad that you got to see Kaylin's killer yesterday.I saw Nicky's for the first time 9/24.Through my tears I just wanted to scream at him if you had only known him you would have wanted to hang out with him,he was that kind of friend,then I realized what are you saying Nicky never would have associated with you because you have no heart and that was the biggest part of Nicky his heart.The other kid involved in the murder has his pre trial hearing Nov 25th my bd,how great will that be.Keep me in prayer as I will you and your family 12/19.Hugs your way Barb
Barb, I felt the same way about the counseling. I went once and felt self conscious about it. I really felt like I got more out of ranting and raving in my car by myself. Maybe I expected too much. My son will begin counseling soon. His grades all dropped and he has been having headaches and stomach aches that all seem to occur when there is something with Kaylin's case. For the last three days he has been doubled over with stomach pain and a visit to the Dr today showed nothing wrong. After talking to the Dr. he felt like he was showing signs of stress and asked Jared if he would like to talk to him. Jared does talk to us but I am afraid that he may be holding things in (I am sure of it actually) if he thinks it might upset us more. He is a good combo of Mama's Boy/Daddy's boy and he has a protective nature. I hate that this is hurting him so much too. He seems alright but obviously he isn't. When I got home from the arraignment the first thing out of his mouth was, "Did they let him go?" He has also mentioned that he would like to just punch this man. His school has been good to keep me updated and his school counselor told me that lately his grades have dropped and he is getting bad marks in citizenship and that is not normal for him at all. I worry about him so much. I feel torn between making sure that she receives justice and I am determined that I will do all I can to make sure that she does, and in making sure that he is alright. Some days I don't feel like there is enough of me to go around. Lately I feel more depressed with missing Kaylin and wonder how I am supposed to not let Jared down. I honestly think I am getting an ulcer myself. Some days the pain of missing her consumes me and I feel like I am going to die. How do we balance? No matter how hard I try, and I am trying I feel like I am falling so short. I don't want to do anything but I know I have to. Right now I function only by making myself as it is. I got off topic again. I apologize. My mind wanders a lot lately.
I was so happy you replied I'm pretty much computer illiterate and I know I'm not doing something right as I want to post Nick's story and a site for him but I don't know all the gadgets to make this happen.I tried to go into the chat room but I don't know if I'm not doing it right or no one is ever there.It seems like picking a topic from the forum and writing to that person is all I can accomplish.I'm so sorry about your son,I have 4 other children and I can tell you they are really messed up by this too.I have to be very careful of my other 3 sons emotions as well as my brothers because they just wanted to take justice into their own hands.All they see is me crying or playing Nicky's video over and over and they get mad and sad.I have tried to move forward but there is sadness everywhere and I can't seem to fake it.I have tremendous support from others but those others have not been through this,they still have their children to come to and hug and kiss.Like you this is all new and with the holidays his birthday and his anniversary yet to take place I'm a train wreck waiting to happen.I do pray alot and this has been my strength.I know Nicky is safe in the arms of Jesus but I miss the heck out of him.The shortest sentence in the Bible is Jesus wept.This is pertaining to his friend dying.So I know He knows how I feel.Is there some reason that Jarod is not going to court with you.Are you trying to protect him from this?Each child is different but mine felt like they wanted to be a part of it good or bad.I had 5 children in 7 years so all of mine are not even 2 yrs apart.I know that they all focus on the arguing they did or the missed opportunities to hang out with Nicky.Could this be true of your son?There doesn't have to be any concrete reason for his stomach issues as my grandchild even though he is 4 can't even get a small scratch on his hand without thinking that he is going to die like uncle Nicky.My daughter is 21 and I can't imagine the horror your family is going through.Kaylin is a beautiful girl who looks like she enjoyed life immensely her site is a beautiful tribute to her.I hope to get a site soon for Nicky as I would like people to see the beauty we all saw in him.Hope you don't think I'm rambling but the need to talk to others that are going through the same thing is tremendous.One good thing is that me and my husband are on the same page we can't stop talking about Nicky and we need his name alive so we feel he is still here with us.The only other site I have is googling Phila Inquirer Obituaries and putting his last name Pisano in for search and scroll down to Nicholas to view his guest book.There are some really nice poems that people wrote that I would like to share.I'm going to go to the poems part of this site and list them if I figure out how to do this.Well thanks for letting me share.Hugs and prayers your way Barb/Nicky's MOM/
Barb I find I ramble all the time now. So I understand the rambling and am glad to see I am not alone. We have told Jared once the trial starts that if he wants to attend he can. I did tell him that the only day I think he should be there for sure was the sentencing day and that he should get an impact statement ready too since her loss affected him too. He is 12. I think he is old enough to know if he wants to sit through the trial when that happens. He didn't go to arraignment because of it being more legal stuff then trial. My husband and I go because 1, we wan the DA to know that we are willing to do anything to see that he is punished to the fullest extent 2. His lawyer knows we are there and even gave us his card and it is my hope that he tells him that Kaylin's parents are here. I hope that makes him realize that if we will be there for the things they tell us we don't have to be there for that we are going to be pushing for the max for him. Jared and Kaylin are almost 8 years apart but they were very close. He was younger but he was very protective of her. He is a very laid back easy going kid but one day when he was 8 I came home to find that he was tossing Kaylin's 18 year old boyfriend out of the house because he thought he was being mean to her because he called her a name. He has an IOU that she wrote him to borrow $5.00 and he moved it to his box where he keeps his special stuff. I think he just holds things in and that is why it makes him sick. He does talk to us about kaylin and we have a very open communication with him but I worry that there may be things that he thinks might hurt us. We have told him that he will go through all kinds of emotions and that none of them are wrong, and that we are alright for him to tell us if he wants. I think boys may be more inclined to keep things to themselves then girls and I think he may not even realize that he is stressed. I know I think I am doing alright and holding up and anytime I get stressed really bad, I get an thing that has been diagnosed as stress related eczema. Sometimes I think our bodies don't let us fool ourselves. I do know that if it were not for God I could not survive this at all. I miss my kaylin so much and there have been times that I just cry Why WHy Why over and over. I do know that during this we have experienced that peace that passes understanding. I know she is safe, I have had too many confirmations to not know that, but I still miss her. Sometimes when I would be angry at God I would be reminded that he lost his son too. He knows our hurt. When I am falling apart he most he sends something to help me. I too am lucky. My husband is technically the step dad. I can tell you he has always been the dad. He loves Kaylin and Jared and only the world defines him as a step parent. His heart and actions are that they are his. Kaylin was close to him. She loved him and he got to hear her tell him that she knew that he was her real dad. She was thinking about changing her name to his last name. When she turned 18 he asked her if she was ready to let him formally adopt her. She had the biggest smile. She told him that she knew she was his daughter and that she would get married someday and her name would change so she would let him know. He told her to tell him if she changed her mind and to not be surprised if he asked her every year or so just to make sure. You could see that it made her feel happy that he thought of her that way. She had a special name that only she called him. He has taken this very hard too and when we found that the death of a child can cause divorce we knew we would have to work to make sure that didn't happen to us. We share phone calls. I call detectives, he calls the DA, I call the coroner, he calls the courthouse. We work together. Our goal is to make sure she is not forgotten and that she has justice.
On your thoughts of making a website. I have to suggest memory-of.com. kaylin has two sites. I searched and found the one and it was hard and I am very illiterate when it comes to this stuff too. I actually didn't think I had done the other one correctly and signed up for memory-of. It walks you through what you need to do. Her other site will stay the same because I cannot even remember how to go and make changes and one mistake erases the whole thing (I did that when I was first setting it up). I wish I had found the memory-of site first. It helps me. I go watch her slide show and just cry. I have her picture on my desktop and every night I kiss her picture good night. Then I take my granddog (Her puppy that we found after she was murdered) and go to bed. That puppy makes me smile. She was with Kaylin when she died. She was always with Kaylin. She was Kaylin's baby. Kaylin loved teasing me about being a ""grandma." Well, I love that granddog to pieces and she is spoiled as any grandkid would be. :) The person who killed Kaylin and dumped her also dumped her puppy several miles away from her body. I can hear her squeaking a toy right now. She makes me smile and I believe that Kaylin helped us find her so quickly and made sure her pup was safe with us.
See, perfect example of a ramble. :)
Glad to hear from you again.Could you explain how I would get into the topic part of this site so I could write something.I can only go through other MOMS forums which is fine but I'd like to know I could if I needed to write something myself go on and do it.Your husband sounds like a gem that's what marriage is all about teamwork.I know what you mean about the DA's telling you it is not necessary to come to the "paperwork filing".We have been to court several times when they have told us this because I don't trust that it is nothing to worry about.Too late buddy I've been in a constant state of worry and will be till everyone involved is behind bars for good.The first time we went there was about 42 people in court from my family and Nicky's friends.We didn't know it but his family sat down next to us and the other family kept laughing under muslim garb.I was so upset that I found the advocate and told her to tell them to go to their side.The advocate said that they can't always control the seating.One of my sons wore a shirt that had Nicky's picture and his and the front read DNA made us brothers here on earth and the back said Jesus made us brothers for eternal life.The DA said not to wear the shirt again as people would get the DNA thing mixed up,like there was DNA evidence involved which I don't think there is.When we went 9/24 and actually saw the triggerman for the first time,he too looked like why am I here? Then after it was held for court at the elevators my daughter,son and daughter in law saw 3 of the guys family members at the elevators and the one girl said well he got away with it before and my daughter in law said not this time honey.I'm glad I was still talking to the Da because I don't know if I would have been able to control myself.Like what does that make you proud he got away with it before.My son would still be alive if they had done their job the first time.I didn't mean to sound like you don't communicate with your son or give him choices I didn't realize he was only 12.My baby 19 was running away from me not towards me as the others were.He is the most like Nicky in looks and personality and I couldn't reach him.He wouldn't talk to me about Nicky finally when the house cleared like a month later he looked around and decided he wanted to talk and we talked for 4 hrs.He is just a private person and I think people were referring too much to the fact that he looked so much like him.He still continues to be very private so I have to think of ways to draw him in.I hope that everyone will come on the 11/25 day as I believe our presence there is crucial.After the first one was postponed I wasn't sure that it was right to have them come back and it almost didn't take place then either.They had to sever the case for it to happen.Yours seems to be moving more quickly then mine.I saw the poem for Kaylin on the poem site but it is covered by angels so you can't read it as well as the others that are in the middle.Is there a way to move the page,so I can read it better? Well again God Bless and hugs to you Barb/Nicky's MOM
Barb, when you are at the page that lists the forums, there should be a place at the top that says Post. That is what you click to post a new thread. I was just mentioning that we had good communication with Jared, I didn't get any feeling from your post that you didn't think we were. I just pretty much write what I am thinking at the moment. My son just came in to ask me what. He has been doing that lately, thinking I am calling him when I am not. I asked him what he was hearing and he said that he just heard, "Jared, jared." I am wondering who he is hearing call him.
You Didn't Say Goodbye
Why did you have to leave?
You didn't say goodbye.
Why couldn't I protect you?
Why did you have to die?
As you slipped from this world,
Did you feel any pain?
Did you feel that you were fading?
Did you call my name?
When they left you
In the dark, alone
Did you cry out,
"Mama come and take me home?"
Did you wish for one more hug
Before you had to leave?
I'd give anything for one,
I can barely breathe.
I miss you more each passing day,
When will I awake
To find you laughing, standing there
This just a big mistake?
The grief comes pouring over me,
Each second of each day.
I do what I have to do,
but the tears stay in my way.
I want so much to see you,
To have you here to hold.
You didn't even say goodbye,
Why did you have to go?
Kim Lasater~~2008 (C)
In loving memory of my beautiful girl.
I just posted it here. I'm not sure why it post like that on the website.
Jared will be 13 this month. Kaylin was a mother hen to him. There were many times I would have to tell her that I was the mama and I would take care of it. He would listen to her though. I know he misses her so much too. There was this place he wanted her to go with us to eat one time and she never did. That is where he wants to have his birthday dinner this year and he has said that he wished his Sissy could go and eat there with him. Kaylin and Jared used to sound just alike on the phone. When I would answer at work I would hear "Hi Mama" and until I heard the question I wouldn't know which one was calling me. His voice is getting deep now so he doesn't sound like her any more. They look a lot alike too but now his face is changing. Getting more manish. They smile just alike though. I know there were times after she died that I would just stare at him while he slept because I could see her face in his.
I understand what you mean about being there. Since there are things that we find out each time, I know we have not been told everything yet. I know we didn't have to be at arraignment but if we had just called they would have just told us the condensed version of things. This way we heard everything that his attorney said, the DA said and the judge. We will be attending the discovery hearing in December. We have a meeting with the coroner next weekend to go over the autopsy report. He was very nice and said we could come in and he would go over it with us. We haven't been able to get a court advocate and have decided that we are prbly our own best advocates anyway. We do question them on everything and the DA and detectives have been good about answering anything we are not clear on. We have not seen his family. I was worried about seeing him in person but I needed to.
I didn't realize you wrote that poem You didn't say goodbye.I got your message with it but it wasn't till tonight that I could print anything out as I work midnight shift and have no printer at home,so I'm using Works printer.I realized when I read Bette's messages that you had written it.I thought it was beautiful and so full of what I'm feeling.I don't think I'll ever be able to write again and I hope you don't mind if I use yours every now and then.I told Laura that I like to think that our children are all getting to know one another and their talents and they're away in heaven planning this huge suprise recital that will be the mohter of all recitals and they want to perfect it before we can attend.I can see them giggling and horsing around and trying to show off for one another.If you close your eyes can't you see it too? Beautiful happy faces,no sadness only joy and laughter.Hugs to you Barb/Nicky's MOM