Oh how I wish we could all just wake up and that this was all a bad dream. But I know it's not a bad dream. I feel so lost,when you lose a child you don't feel whole anymore at lease I don't and what make me sick is to know that the no good person who take my baby life will walk free. How can someone take our kids life and still walk free to smile,have fun with there family's and to have kids of there own one day when we will never see our babies have there own babies,to show there kids the love we showed them. How ?? I just can't and won't understand this why ?? did we all get pick to feel life of pain. I have always help others,and the worst thing I have ever did was cheat on someone who cheated on me first.But I have always help other from my heart and now I can't even go out the front door and I am just 39 years old this killer has taken everything from me and I feel like I can't move. I have not been out side for more then 7 times since my son was killed. I have no life at all can't even go to the store I have to send others,they call me when they get to the store to make sure that all I need and this is my first time hating someone can I say that will God our father forgive me for really hating this killer? is it ok that for the first time in my life I can't forgive some one? is it ok that I hate what they did to my baby? is it ok that I don't feel bad that one of them killed his self? I don't feel anymore, they took everything from me .how do you take your life back and not let them win when they have taken one of your babies,your heart,your soul the love you felt for every one even the people you don't know? they took everything when they killed my son and why did a so called friend kill my son? Oh because he didn't like the other boys my son was friends with because they live in another ward them they did. Please help me and tell me Were do any of us go from here? I just needed to talk, I know you all understand how I feel because you all feel this pain like I do,I will keep you all in my prayers,I send you all a big huge,I love you all my sister. Terry cedric's mom

Terry

This is a nightmare and I don't think anyone of us will ever feel whole again a huge part of our life has been taken. But we have no other choice than to go on living and make the best of our lives. I try to do things to honor my son because that makes me feel a little better. I started a memorial garden for him now I will spend time looking for the perfect marker for that garden and a bench to put next to it. I am also getting parts for his motorcycle so I can have it restored back to the way he had it before someone ran into him. This is how I go on I also have a job to go to four days a week and that keeps me busy too. Sending Hugs to you.
Jimmy's mom Shirley

I did a memorial garden out my back yard. It did help me at the time. I will re-do as spring approaches. and add things to it. I send letters asking for laws to change, that helps me to. I have no life either I can't imagine how my life is without my son. You know, I know this sounds weird, but last night I was thinking and praying the same thing. God forgive me for having such hate in my heart, I hate them and I want them to suffer for what they did to my son and to my family and to my other sons, I beg God to help take the hate out of my heart and soul but i also said in those same prayers I cannot forgive them and the only way I know I could is if Jesus said to me please forgive them so you can enter heaven's gate and see your baby again. But right now I hate them, I want them to suffer, I want them to pay for taking an innocent child's life because of their hatred of another human being who didn't deserve to die that way either. I'm sorry it sounds terrible, but they've not only ruined me, they ruined my other 2 sons life, they took away a wonderful kid, and another young man. All these people's life ruined and never to be the same again. Mother's, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, neices, nephews, children, friends, neighbors, the list can go on and on and on, with one act of violence, the lives of so many ruined and shattered forever.

Bette
Timmy's mom

HI TERRY .GOD WILL GIVE YOU YOUR LIFE BACK ONE DAY AT A TIME ,I NOW HAVE A NEW JOB I LOST MY OLD ONE .I COULD NOT COPE WITH MY SON DEATH .MY SON COMES SEE ME IN MY SLEEP SOMETIMES WHEN I FEEL SAD .YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY GO OUT SIDE EVERY OUTHER DAY. IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL A LITTLE BETTER.YOU CAN TAKE BABY STEPS DON'T BE CONFIND TO YOUR HOME CEDRIC WILL BE WITH YOU . HE'S WATCHING OVER YOU .EACH DAY MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU ALWAYS JOANN(HUBERT)MOM.

It's so hard Terry. Our lives will never be the same again and it seems like the world just goes on by like nothing happened. Have you ever seen the movies where something bad has happened to the world and there are a handful of survivors walking around all shell shocked? Most days that is how I feel. Like I am walking around all shell shocked in a world that has changed, only no one else seems to notice that it has. I only go out when I have to and then I have to make myself even then. I understand how you feel. I don't want to have to put on my "people face" and deal with others. Everything reminds me of her. Everything. Hang on and just take it one second at a time if that is all you can get through. I am trying to focus on getting her justice and then thinking ahead to what I can do in her memory so that after the trial I will have something else to focus on. Make your son proud and do something for him, even if all it is for that day is to get up. We all know that some days even that is an effort. This is our life now and we didn't ask for it. Remember that we are here for the times that you fall and we will be there to help you back up. I am a very visual thinker so I put most things in a visual context. I visualize walking along a road and then there is a small trail. Not everyone can see it but something knock some of us down and send us down that trail. It is dark and we crawl along crying and trying to find our way out. We can hear the people on the road but they can't see us, only hear us and they tell us they are sorry we fell and to just get up and move on. We are afraid but we know we have to keep moving. As we crawl along this dark trail we see shadows and then we feel hands help us up. Then we see it is another woman who has gotten a little further down the road. Together we walk ahead slowly feeling our way and occasionally we fall back down, but now there are two of us so we help each other up. As we keep walking we see ahead that there are more figures and as they hear us they wait for us and sometimes they call out to be careful of the hole in the trail or to watch out for the log that we could trip over. We begin to catch up to them and see that there is always someone ahead who waits and calls out things to help us move forward. Then one day we hear it, the sound of a heart broken and asking for help and then it is our turn to help pick someone up and walk the trail with them. I only wish that no one else ever had to stumble onto it. So, that is how I see this and the support it give me. Some of these MOMS are new, some barely started on the trail, like me, and others have been on the trail for years but we are all on this road together and we need each other and we understand each other and we lift each other up. Once again I rambled on, but it seems to be my new thing. We are here Terry. {{{HUGS}}}