I thought we were getting closer and then had a major setback. It still isn't where I can even say anything yet, but please pray for justice for Kaylin. I never wanted on this roller coaster. I feel like I want to vomit. How do they just go on with their lives like nothing happened? I thought we were so close to a breakthrough and now I just want to scream. It really does feel like every step you take forward that you get pushed two back. I don't want to lose hope but it is getting harder to hold on to it.
Just hold on every mom here will be praying for justice for Kaylin. I know it feels like a lifetime that you have been waiting.
My thoughts are with you
Kim I can understand how you feel. It took 14 months for them to make an arrest for my son's murder and the other guy he was with. I thought it would make me feel better, at first it did, I was like wow, finally, then it hit me, it won't bring him back. Then the court keeps getting delayed, next prelim is Dec. 10th, the day after my b/d and with all the holidays. I think I'm stressing already and it's over a month away still. I do hope and pray each mother gets justice for their child. I know many times I've written and prayed that they see my baby's face every single time they closed their eyes. I hope and pray that my Timmy gets justice, and then their families going around pushing rumors thru and saying things. don't get me wrong I'm glad they are caught, I hope they pay for what they've done, and I know God will bring my son justice either way, his wrath is worse than man's. It just seems like a nightmare that constantly continues no matter which way things go. I know I'm probably no help here, I just wanted you to know you are not alone in how you feel. Life is like a roller coaster ride now, up and down, up and down. I fully understand the pain in your heart.
Kim you have to pray continuously for God to help you and he will. My Jody was murdered on June 3, 2007 and the trial has been put off twice and is now scheduled for Feb 2009. You can bet that just because the police haven't caught the person who did this to your baby that God knows and there's no wrath like his. I know how you feel though about wanting to puke and feeling like your on a roller coaster. There is no justice for the victims and their families. I will pray for you and you hold on girl.
I feel the same as you, like vomitting. We will be in court tomorrow (22nd), which is the day my son died. I have horrible feels everytime we go to court, that they are going to come to me with some ridiculas deal! I don't want to look at this POS on any day let alone on the 22nd, but I promised my son before he died that I would be ok and that I would see to it that justice was served and I can't go back on that promise.
My thoughts are with you and hang in there, there are plenty of us here supporting you.
Nanci/Travis' Mom - I love you buddy!
Kim, Hang in there girl. I will be praying for your Kaylin and especially for you...that God gives you the strength to get thru this. God bless you.
HI KIM,PLEASE HOLD TIGHT TO KAYLIN'S MEMORIES THEY WILL SEE U THROUGH!!I KNOW HOW U FEEL,JUSTICE IN COURT LET ME DOWN,BUT I HAVE TO KNOW THAT IT IS NOT OVER,GOD HAS THE LAST SAY!!BE STILL GOD WILL WORK THIS OUT,I KNOW THE PAIN,I FEEL SICK TO MY STOMACH EACH DAY KNOWING MY BABY MURDERER WALK'S FREE,BUT HE WILL ANSWER TO GOD FOR WHAT HE DONE TO MY BABY!!
We all know how you feel and I know this is easier said then done...But I refuse to let the pos that did this to our beautiful daughter Lisa have any more than he has already taken. As moms we don't have much to cling to and some days it seems as though we don't have anything. But whatever I do have I have to not let the scum responsible for this destroy our family any more than he already has. The pain is there every minute of everyday for our entire family and no one understands it which makes it even more difficult but we must stay strong. There is not a day that goes by that I don't say I can't do this anymore but I know for Lisa's sake I must. For Kaylin you know you have to hang tough so I would say SCREAM, SCREAM AND THEN SCREAM some more!!! Whatever we need to do to survive is what we have to do as we really have no other choice. Take care. All of our Love.
I go out to the place that she was found when it gets to be to much and do my screaming there. It is so secluded and in some way I feel that screaming there let's me direct it somewhere. It is hard because for now I can't say so much because it can hurt things for her case and I will be glad when I can ask the questions I need to.
Kim, just hang in there it will work itself out in the end. You have to take it 1 day at a time. I give you credit for being able to go to the place it happened at all! I couldn't bring myself to go to where Randy got killed. But I go to the cemetary and let it out. Be sure you go to the "hearings" no matter what they tell you, anything can happen at one of these routine hearings. They decided to go to trial at our 1st hearing and that day we were picking a jury. We live 600 miles away and they told me I didn't have to show for this "little 5 minute hearing" and it's a good thing we went or we would have missed everything. Just be strong and try not to stress yourself over the legal system's slowness.
Donna, Randy's mom
Oh Donna wow. I had 3 hearings I didn't go to because my detective told me that it was legal issues since they had no defense attys. in place. Now the prelim is set for 12/10 and I'm definitly going unless i hear it's cancelled. Did anyone ever hear of wearing their shirts with their child's picture on it? I was thinking of doing this so is my sister and some other's who have one, but first I was tld can't do it, then I heard you can, then my counselor said oh I'd ask the court advocate first because they might not let you do that. Just wondering.
I know how hard things are, it makes me sick to my stomach everything that's going on, and when I read some of the things you mom's go thru I get even sicker to my stomach. Why we suffer so much, it never ends, never will. Heart ache always.
Bette, we had shirts made before we left Chicago so Mr. Mills could see his face again. A reporter said we shouldn't have been able to wear them, my daughter told her where to put her opinion. We wore ours proudly, each had a diffrent picture and a few had him and his baby Kimmie on them. One of the news reporters took a picture of a shirt because the ones they used on tv were very bad quality. I say wear them proudly and don't let anyone tells you different! These are out babies and people should be reminded that they are more then just a name and facts in a case. No one got to say anything nice about Randy, just how nice Mr. Mills was. What a crock! He was homeless by choice. Sorry, I'm ranting again.
while reading this post it triggered a memory of a Lifetime Movie I watched. A couples teenage daughter was murdered and the murderer was put on death row for 6 years. The murderer had a daughter(11 yrs old) who was being kept by the killers mother. The grandma had a bad heart and was about to die. To make a long story short the killer ended up asking the couple whose daughter he had murdered to take his daughter. The mom of the murdered daughter watched the killer get his meds intravenously as he mouthed 'I am sorry' and she mouthed back 'I forgive you'. I cried throughout this whole story as it touched so many points that we all live in real life. In this story the mother realized while fighting so hard for the death penalty that she had so much hatred built up for the killer there was no room for anything else. Also at some point she saw him as human and realized that nothing would bring her daughter back. They never did say at the end whether her and her husband took the killers daughter, but it just brought so many real emotions to the surface for me. It has been 3 years 4 months 7 days since my sons murder and I wonder whether it is worth it to have to go to court. Please don't get me wrong I want justice for my son also, but at what cost??? Why do things have to be so complicated? I feel for all you moms traveling this road to justice for our children. I wish you all the best and to not lose yourselves along the way.
love and hugs
Kay, we went to court for the verdict on 9/11. It was only a 2 day trial. I never wanted death for Mr. Mills, and listening to his story (we only had 1 side) I saw how it must have happened. He was scared and so was Randy and it escalated into a death fight. I think this guy didn't have to go that far and it was "manslaughter" because he could have stopped it before it went that far, but the jury apparently saw 2 guys fighting and called it self defense. At the trial, he only had his son there for him. He was so sad and afraid to talk to us. We approached him and it made all of us feel better, he said his family wanted to say how sorry they were and they were praying for us. After the verdict was read, I walked over and shook his hand and told him to take care of his dad.
I guess in the back of my mind I kept thinking that it could have gone the other way, and Randy could have killed him while defending himself. I'm still very confused, but I don't have all that hate built up and eating me alive. All I have is the need to have my boy back. I've done the work and done everything, when do I get him back?
I was really speaking for me as I have alot of hate for whoever took my son. I have not had anyone brought to trial for my sons murder and I have been praying to let this hate go as I know it will only destroy me. It is so hard, for as you say I want my son back but with each passing day reality creeps in and I know he can't come back to me and BAM there the hate is again. You are a truly special mother to not hold that against your sons killers family. It is not their fault and I do understand that. I continue to pray and just wanted to share that movie with all MOMs to interpret in any way that they choose in the hope of giving another perspective on our grief.
Love and hugs to all
Yeah it's hard and at first I was mad and wanted to kill him myself, almost did actually, they told us he was some kind of special forces soldier, but that wasn't true, just a sorry good for nothing homeless POS. I'm mad that he thought he had to kill Randy and not just back off and stop, and Randy tried to backed off and that's were I know it stopped being self-defense. I think it was the fact that so many homeless are being victimized and beaten that made the jury go the way they did. Well, everyone keeps telling me that it's over and I should just learn to live with it.
I'm mad at Randy for even being there in the first place. My kids are adults and the "rule" is when you are traveling, you never stop except for gas at one of those big stations, never a rest stop or something like that cause there are people like this hanging around. I keep remembering telling him to be sure and come straight on home. His girlfriend wanted to stop, oh yeah, she got married last week!
We were told not to wear shirts with Jim’s picture until the sentencing, I had shirts made for everyone I could think of that would be at the sentencing. The shirts have a picture of Jim with Sandra on his shoulders above the picture it says My Guardian Angel below the picture it says Jimmy No farewell words were spoken no time to say good bye you were gone before we knew it and only God knows why. So far we have given out 52 shirts this courtroom will have standing room only. I just want to see the look on this little POS face when the sentence is read.
You and all the other moms who are getting ready for court just hang in your inner strength will carry you through.
Much Love and Bunches of Hugs to all of you.
We were also not allowed to have any character witnesses for my son the DA wasn't even allowed to show a picture of him at the trial. Well that little POS is going to see Jim's face once again before he goes to prison and I hope he remembers the face of the man he murdered for the rest of his life. And his Crap spewing family will also see Jim's face and see his little girl. These people are saying so many rude things it is so maddening I would like to pop them a good one, thank God they live very far from here in southern Cal. God knows my son was no saint but he wasn't the devil that they are trying to make him out to be. Even the story in the paper was one sided the reporter talked with people who didn't know Jim or who only knew him by sight they didn't talk with any of his family or friends. Sorry I am way off topic now so I will just say you hang in there and don't let anyone tell you to learn to live with it, we will live with this for the rest of our lives and the only ones who know the pain we are in are the other moms who have been through it.
Love and Hugs
Jim's Mom Shirley
Yeah, they always try and make the dead person out as the bad guy. They found pain pills in his pocket, but nobody got to say that they were for kidney stones that he got frequently and hurt so bad he wanted to just die with the pain. It just looked like he was a pill junkie or something.
Oh, well I best ask before I let anyone wear the shirts then or before I get more made. I wasn't sure so I should call the advocate or maybe the detective. Thanks for letting me know this. I want to wear it and have everyone else too, but I don't want to have any thing go wrong.
I know i heard rumors about my son who was only 15 y/o. Timmy was a good kid, I know there were a few things that he did, but on the whole he didn't hang in gangs, or on the streets, or walked the streets, hd didn't do pills because he saw what it did to his brother (who was badly injured 2 times and wound up addicted to pain pills) and that the other guy had some problems and was taking prescripton medication and that gets thrown in to, like he was a nut job, well I take prescription meds too, so I guess I'm a nut job too! Sorry, being sarcastic, I just can't stand to hear about what people say about our babies that were killed. no one, no one, should die this way, no one has the right to take another person's life.
I asked about shirts too and was told that the defense can use it to say we are trying to sway the jury. WHAT???? They will get to bad mouth my daughter and WE will be swaying the jury? It makes me sick to think what we are going to have to listen to. Isn't it strange that they are on trial for murdering our children yet our children are the ones who are actually on trial? It is disgusting. The only thing they will get to hear is what they want and we can't say anything? Where is the justice in that? This just makes me so angry at our system.