Well I'm not doing all that great. I've had times that I'm ok, but night time is the worse. I'm alone a lot and think to much. I cry almost every night, some days I don't even say my prayers because I know i'll just cry.
I am going to do that slide show one way or the other. It's been hard looking at pictures. I just got some old camera's developed, my oldest who is away asked me to said he wants to see more pics and believed that Timmy was on some. Well he was. OMG he was so cute! There are so many more than I thougt there would be, I think from 2005 Christmas and from down the shore same year. All 3 boys together, with me or their pop and this one with Timmy standing on the boardwalk in Wildwood with the sunset behind him. I was so happy to see these pictures!
So now I have court coming up in Dec. One of the things I'm thinking of doing is wearing my shirt with timmys picture on it. Some of my family and friends have t-shirts with Tim's picture on it, i might even go buy a few more just to have for those who also want to go with me. I've been debatting this back and forth in my mind. Oh, it's just so much with everything going on, with all the holidays and now with Court being also in Dec. the day after my b/d and my other son's big 21 b/d on Christmas Day and of course New Year's Eve, Timmy's 17th b/d. I know this time of year for all of us is extremely painful. So why do I put more on myself and my mind, with court and with the pictures and I really want to burn dvd's as presents with a slide show of Timmy. I just feel the need to do this. Am I crazy????
No Bette, you are doing just fine. It seems to be like a emotional ride, up and down and up and down again. One day I'm fine and think I can cope, then wham! Next day I'm crying on the train going home again. It's good that people there are too embarrassed to ask what's wrong and leave me alone with my grief.
It will come and go for years I guess. You should just let yourself feel and work it out inside yourself. Just remember you are not alone.
Bette,
Doing the videos and slide show made me feel like I was doing something for Jim. I wanted them on youtube for all the world to see my beautiful talented son. I have been a very dark place lately tomorrow will be 10 months then sentencing on the 28th. I seem to make it through the day but at night I just sit and cry. I want my son back!!!
I hear the family of the POS will be in court to say good things about him. I will have to bite my tongue and have my hands tied so I don't punch anyone. My stomach does flip flops every time I think about having to listen to these people talk about what a wonderful, peace loving person This Murdering SOB is.
Sending Hugs your way
You will make it through and you will be surprised at just how much strength you really have.
Jim's Mom
