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Re: Trying to close a door

hi kim i read your post and my son ernest would have turned 21yrs old sun 10-5 he was murdered 10-2-06 you know i can relate to you whole heartedly i had ernest laid to rest in my familys plots that my mom prchased when i was 5 and i am now in my mid 40's after everything was said and done regarding ernest's funeral i really regret to this day that i did not have him cremated so that i could have him with me gosh how i lay awake and think about this at nights but i can go to the cemetary and visit my angel a suggestion to you why not wait and see what fate does this site hold i pray you can go and spend time there and they dont destroy this beautiful place which must hold so many memories for you because this is where you want to scatter your beautiful angel, it will work out just pray and hang in there this is new i know it just like yesterday ernest has been gone 2yrs 10-2-08 but yet i still hear his voice calling momma i want to so bad call his name like i use to in the house, again i am so sorry for your loss it is truly a pain that has no words to explain it come here and vent about everything you allways will get a warm and kind and sincere response from the moms here because they too walk in your shoes. a mom's luv cheryl mom to ernest n crayton III

Re: Trying to close a door

I am so sorry for the loss of your son, I can't believe the amount of times I have said those words.
I had my son cremated also I had planned on burying him with my dad but the day I got his ashes from the funeral home I decided I just couldn't do it. I wanted him here with me it gives me comfort to touch his urn, to keep flowers by him and to light a candle for him. Jim was murdered 12/16/07 but the memory is still so fresh it seems like yesterday.
Give yourself time you may decide to do like I have done, or you may decide on another place that your son loved to go. When my grandmother passed my aunt wanted to scatter her ashes in the yard of the home she had lived in as a child so we did years later my dad had to sell the property now there is a motel built there that really bothers me.
Sending hugs your way.
Jimmy's Mom

Re: Trying to close a door

I had my Timmy buried in my family's plot that my mother also purchased years ago. My mom & dad are buried there, then my 2 brothers and now my son. I try and go as much as I can, I plant flowers or I put decorations on it, like now for Halloween, I can't decorate the house, it makes me sad. But he loved Halloween, so I get little ghosties and pumpkins and I put them around his grave. and I talk to him, and weed the flowers or I put down fake flowers so they last longer. I kiss his picture when I leave. I cry to many times. I also planted a little garden out back and have like and angel/fairy with marigolds, they all died now, but I got wood letters T I M, and posted them to the fence with his picture lamented above his name. It's my Timmy garden. Next year I might get what they call butter fly bushes it attracts butterflys. We'll see, but if you think it's a place you cannot visit, is there another place? Or like what Shirley did, this way he is with her all the time. Things like this are so hard, give yourself some time to think, I'm sure you will find something your heart tells you to do.

God Bless
timmy's mom

Re: Trying to close a door

I also had my Jeremy cremeted. We had planned to scatter his ashes at our favorite vacation area. We haven't done it yet. We haven't even gone on vacation since he died. Jeremy was the baby of the family. Our other children are all grown and on their own. Jeremy was 17 when he died on 3/16/04. He would have been 22 his last birthday on 7/27/08. I still have his ashes with me. I know that it may sound morbid to some people, but I'm just not ready to give them up. I feel like if I leave them somewhere, it would be like abandoning him. I just can't do that. Not yet

Re: Trying to close a door

Wes, was cremated too and because he wanted to travel the world we have split him up and given him to friends who have traveled to far off places, sprinkling some of his ashes as they go. We also placed some of him in with his dad and placed a head stone at the bottom of his dad's plot. Both of his brothers have some of his ashes and i have some sitting on the kitchen sink. I also bought a necklace that holds a small amount of his ashes and take him with me when I TRAVEL. I know it may sound crazy to alot of people but that's what works for me.

I can be changed by the things that happen to me, I refuse to be reduced by them.

Love, Light and Peace be with you


Re: Trying to close a door

I too lost my daughter on August 25, 2008. She was 26 years old. She is buried close to her grandmother on her dad's side which is where she wanted to be. She leaves behind a younger brother, 3 half-brothers, one half sister, 4 children and 2 step-children. My prayers are with and that you will be able to take your son to the place that he so dearly loved. I was at the grocery store today and saw a white teddy bear and it made me sad because for the last 10 years, I have always gotten her a teddy bear with the year on the foot every year and I realized that I can't do that this year.

Re: Trying to close a door

Kaylin is buried in Texas across from my mom. My husband and I and our son (unless he sells his plot when he gets older and marries) will all be buried together. It is hard because we are in California and I have to mail flowers once a month for my dad to take to her grave. I want to have her close to me. I think we did the right thing but it is just hard knowing that I cannot go to her grave whenever I want to. I just know that when we leave here that I would have felt like I was leaving her and I couldn't do that. She is buried in a cemetery where many of our family are and where all of our family but us live. Still there are times I wish she was near to me. I want to be the one to put the flowers on her grave myself.

Re: Trying to close a door

Randy was murdered on 10-16-07 in West Virginia, it wil be 1 year this coming week. I brought him home, to Illinois even though his father is buried in WV, he was coming home to us and his baby girl. I had thought of cremating him, but my mother-in-law was and we were at the crematorium and it freaked me out pretty bad. I guess my present husband's sister was trying to save money by by-passing the funeral home. I got a nice plot near the last place he lived here and was really happy. I am buying the plots next to him on both sides, enough for all of us to be together.

They are having a candle light vigil on the 16th where it happened. He had alot of friends there. It's funny, the court tried to make him out as a violent crazy drug fiend to get his killer off, but people who know him, knew better. When someone pulls a knife on you, you defend yourself, period. They felt sorry for the homeless guy, who we weren't allowed to tell them had tried to stab a nurse at the VA hospital earlier that year. Crazy junkies don't have hundreds of friends and loved ones holding candles for them.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It feels like your soul is on fire. But we do go on. Chin up.

Re: Trying to close a door

Keara was also cremated. We split up her ashes in some pottery urns. I and her brother and two sister's each have one and we buried some at a cemetary close to where her children live.There is a headstone with her picture on it. She is in Ca. Maryland, Missouri and NC. I like Kayts idea of a necklace. Love, Darien

Re: Trying to close a door

Silver Insanity.com carries several differnt ones. I have one with a small amethist for strenght.She also carries some that are suitable for men. I believe they are called poison pendants. They make wonderful gifts and I got a chain that hangs right over my heart.