This has been bothering me for such a long time. The night Jim was murdered he had just left my house after dropping off Christmas presents. As he was going out the door I just watched him I can still see him going out, the thing is I had a very uneasy feeling and in my heart I knew that feeling had to do with Jim. I keep thinking if I had only followed that feeling maybe I could have prevented this from happening. In less than a week it will be nine months it is hitting me once again, will I ever be able to get past the 16th of each month without this pain? I just can't imagine living the rest of my life knowing each and every month for a week I will relive that night. My heart is hurting and I can't stop the pain!!
the day hubert was killed i was very mad going off at times my mom did not know what was wrong with me,i keep calling his cell phone.mothers know when something is wrong .that day still hunts me to this day ,i'am always thinking about what IF.i did that to keep him from going out side.
We alwasy seem to tend to blame ourselves, I do it all the time, like why did I let that guy stay at my house, Timmy would never have went to the store with him. I'm just glad that I was able to tell him I loved him before I went to bed. I remember it clearly he was on the computer, and I rubbed his hair, and I said to him "don't stay up late" and he said "I won't, I'm tired" and I said ok, good night baby cakes, sweet dreams, love ya". They were my last words to him.
We all have the what if's. I had a vision 10 days before my daughter was killed. In the vison he shot her and the kids. I told my husband he's gonna kill her he's gonna kill her. My husband said he is to much of a coward. I never told my daughter my vision in fact because of the vision I ended up in the hospital with chest pains. My daughter told him that she did not want her Mom to die over their problems. She had already left him and that night refused to let him come back. He shot her 3 times for saying no. I live with that every day of my life wondering if I could of stopped him somehow. We are Moms we have that instinct about our kids. I had never had a vision before and I believe that God was trying to prepare me for what was to come because this man said if he could not have her nobody would. So he would of killed her no matter what if it took him the rest of his life. He cannot hurt her anymore and I know I will hold her again so that is what I live for the day I hold my baby again. Until then I hold her babies and Thank God he saved them that night. Please hold onto the good things about Jim so that you make it through this. Take it one day at a time and know you have us here to lean on.
Love and Prayers
Cindy Monica's Mom
Thank you all I always know I can count on all of you to understand.
My daughter was last seen alive across the street from where we live at an ice cream place. I kept thinking, why didn't I decide to go get ice cream? Maybe I would have seen her and could have gotten her home. On July 1st, I called in sick to work because during the night between June 30, and July 1 I had a splitting headache hit me while I was asleep. I dreamed about a man who was standing in front of an old 50's truck and he was a ghost. When I woke up I kept wondering what that meant and why I had dreamed about a man I didn't know and ghost. I was always a very lucid dreamer before. Now I rarely remember what I dream. I do know I dream about her and it feels like she is trying to tell me something but I don't know what it is. The morning of the 30th I also talked to her and I asked her something that could have led to an argument. Something told me to let it go. Normally I wouldn't have because I thought at the time it was important. I am glad I listened to myself and let it go. I'd hate to think we were arguing when she died. A week before when she came home she walked by and I walked over to her and just really hugged her. I also know a family friend's son was killed a week before and when I heard I prayed for his family and said a quick prayer asking God to please not take Kaylin. Both of my sisters said when they heard about this family friend's son dying they both immediately thought of Kaylin. It seems we were being prepared and didn't realize it. Shirely I wish a hundred different things I would have done differently. I still wish the most that I had decided to get that ice cream.
It has been almost 11 years Billy Lee has been gone . He was also told I don't want you & no one else is going to have you.He was also told by his daughter he was worth more dead than alive to them.Ihope she thinks about how she talked to him. Idon't think she does tho. Billy Lee adopted her
when he & her mother got married. He always said he chose to be her father.She didn't chose him. He
always loved her as he did his own child.
Bobbie Billy Lee's mom
It is ironic how all of our tragedies have so much in common. I was talking to my advocate/counselor--her daughter was murdered many years ago. I didn't bring it up she did--her daughter in the days prior to her death she was acting differently--afraid. One example was she thought a car was going to veer off and hit her when they were walking down the road. I then asked her if she thought that her daughter had a premonition. Then I asked her if she had known did she think she could have prevented it. She boldly said NO--I would never try to play God. Lisa had gotten a black widow tattoo and a butterfly one (we never heard about the butterfly and found it in digital camera--only one person ever saw it). She also wrote a butterfly poem that the Dean read at her college during the memorial service. Just another thing that makes me wonder if they do somehow know and no matter what we could not have prevented this. I know I will still question myself everyday and wish I could and would have done things different. Take Care. Laura