I was thinking about Kaylin today, I think about her everyday, but today I was thinking about when she was little. When she was small she sang all the time. I was remembering the time when she was three and she was singing a song. "My body, lies over the ocean. My body lies over the sea, My body lies over the ocean, bring back my body to me." I always got a chuckle when she sang her little song not realizing the word was Bonnie and not body. It was a bittersweet moment. It got me thinking though. Many of us have said how many people don't want us to talk about our children or are uncomfortable if we do thinking that we are dwelling. I don't know in the past if there was a thread for this, but I thought we needed one to share those memories of our children. We have to support each other through the hard things that we have to get through and lift each other up. I thought it might be nice to just have a thread for the special moments that we remember and that we can share with other moms who understand our need to go over every moment of our child's life and hold it and go over it and keep it from disappearing. I don't know what ya'll think, but I just thought I would put it out there if anyone wanted to share their special memories of their baby with us too.
I can't even go back that far it hurts to bad to think about Jim when he was that small.
But he was a character I have video of him and a couple of friends riding their street bikes in San Francisco. Jim was riding wheelies up and down hills and through what he called the tunnel. Well naturally eventually they got stopped by the SFPD they were told to pack up their bikes and go home, no ticket. Jim looked at the other guys with that grin of his and said “He is my new best friend”. That just struck me as so funny. I am so glad for all the video I have of him it is at times very hard to watch but I just love seeing him having fun and hearing his voice.
Good Idea Kim hope to see more memories posted.
I think that is a good idea Kim. I carry a notebook with me everywhere and every time I see something that reminds me of Lisa and things she liked, did or we shared I write them down. Yesterday something told me to keep looking at the candy machine at work even though I knew it didn't have anything I wanted in it. So I kept looking not knowing why. Then I say it--Fig Newtons...Lisa loved Fig Newtons even the fruity flavors because they were low fat. We teased her about them and I had forgotten about them. I think she made me look at them so I would smile as my morning was bad (as usual). Mothers need to talk about their children...I am reading a book and it says that before this you had a million chances to talk about your son/daughter and within a moment they are completely gone! How is one supposed to "move on" and be "normal" when all that has been taken away from us even our closest friends/family remind us they still have their children and keep talking about them while thinking we should just stop talking about ours---THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!To make a long story stop from rambling on--I think it is a great idea.
Take Care Laura & AV
Timmy's favorite candy was Snickers and it had to be the big huge bar, he also loved Mountain Dew.
I miss him with all my heart and soul. God Bless all you mom's.
You are all an inspiration.
HI MOMS I ALLWAYS THINK ABOUT HUBERT .WHEN HE WAS LITTLE HE LOVE COWBOYS HE WOULD SLEEP IN HIS BOOTS WHEN EVERI WOULD TRY TO TAKE THIM OFF HE WOULD CRY.AND HE LOVE THE NINJA TURTLES TOO MY PRAYERS TO ALL OF YOU LOVE YA.JOANN-HUBERT MOM.
when he was little, jeremy spoke with a lisp. our other kids used to call him sylvester. that would just make him angry. the madder he got, the more he would spit. sometimes he would get so bad, that we would have to grab a towel.
When Kaylin was a teenager there were times she was late and didn't call. Most times she did but I'd say it was about a 70/30 thing. When she would walk in the door late (usually no more then 30 minutes but still late), I'd ask her why she didn't call. She would tell me she was just hanging with her friends and forgot in that annoyed voice only a teenage girl can do. I'd ask her, "Did you break your dialing finger or just forget how to use a phone?" About a week before she died, my husband and son were on a 50 mile hike for Boy Scout's and it was just me and Kaylin at home. Usually when I got home she had already left and I wouldn't see her until 9 or 10 p.m. On a Wednesday I decided to stay after work and visit with a couple of ladies I work with just "hanging out." Talking and laughing. On my way home Kaylin called and asked where I was and was I ok. I told her in my "teen voice" that I was just hanging with my friends and lost track of the time. She said in a very mom voice, "Did you break your dialing finger, or just forget how to use a phone?" We laughed about it and she said "Oh no, we're changing places." and laughed. When I got home she hugged me and told me she had been worried but thought it was funny that I was hanging out after work. We each got to hear our own words thrown back at us. :) It was so nice to be joking with her and laughing together. She had such a great sense of humor.
This will make me cry but here goes.
Jimmy at 4 years old. Jim's brother would leave for school he cought the bus just up the hill from our house. Jim would watch until Shelby got on the bus, guess he thought it would be funny to tell me "Hey mom Shelby missed the bus". I would go outside to check and no he had not missed the bus. Finally one day when Jim told me Shelby had missed the bus I said "Well guess he will just have to walk to school". That was the day Shelby came walking back in the door and said "Hey mom I missed the bus". Jimmy said "See I told ya".
I have so many memories and as this is Wes's birthday week, this one has come flooding back several times.
Wes never liked school, right from the git go he resisted. Shortly after he started kindergarden, I was at home tending his younger brother and some other kids I was babysitting, when out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something pass by my living room window. I went to the door and there stood Wes. I looked around to see if my husband's truck was there, it wasn't. When I asked Wes what he was doing and how he got home, he replied "I tomed home, I walked and I looked both ways". We lived a mile from the school, across a major highway. Needless to say, the school was put on Wesley, watch and head counts were taken after every recess from that day on.
He never came home again but he never liked school any better either.
That is so cute Jim didn't care much for school either.
He was only nine he had gotten in trouble for something can't even remember what it was, anyway he was handed a big garbage bag and told to go out to the play ground and pick up garbage. Five hours later I finally got a message that Jim was missing from school. The school called right of the bat but the idiot who answered where I work didn't get the message to me. Naturally I took off looking for him and found him at home a couple miles from the school.
When I asked him what he was doing at home he said "I'm not picking up garbage for anyone I didn't throw it down and I'm not picking it up". That was my Jim.
It's funny that some things that I had forgotten come back in a moment. Two of my coworkers birthdays are tomorrow. I bought cards, and as I was getting them I could clearly remember when Kaylin was about 5 to 9. The Hallmark commercials were on a lot. The ones where the person receiving the card would discreetly look at the back to see if it said Hallmark. Remember the, "because Hallmark means the very best" or something like that. Well when she was small, we would make homemade cards. All of her cards would have "Kay Mark" written on the back. She said that was because "Kay Mark cards were the very best." When I was at my dads house, I saw one that she had given my mom with her Kay Mark on the back, but I guess I put it to the back of my mind until tonight when I had to pick out cards. She was always doing something like that. I just missed that.
I've been finding little notes, things I cannot even fathom putting away. Some are just words like "dear mom, I love you. Timmy. Or little pictures he drew on scraps of paper. I have two school tokens still in my purse, I would just give him 2 a day because he'd either lose them or give them out, that's the way he was if someone needed a token, then he'd walk home. So each time go to pull out my tokens I find his and just tuck them right back into my wallet. It's the small things that seem to get me the most.
I think about Cindy every day. I went with my sister yesterday to our parents graves and on the way back I went past this particular bus stop and remembered waiting on the bus with my daughter and son. Cindy and I would practice sign language. I also have a picture of Cindy on my laptop when she was 3 years old and she was sitting on her Smurf bike. Every few days on change her picture. I think remembering my Cindy has gotten me thru each day.Sometimes I cry and sometimes I laugh.
Most of the memories seem like a two edged sword to me. They make me smile or laugh and then the pain hits when I realize that the memories are all I have left and there will be no more with her. Kaylin was an only child and grandchild for 7 1/2 years. My family would race to grab her up when we went over. I can still see her walking into my mom and dad's house. We would always walk in the garage door and she would walk into the living room and stand there with her arms up in a "here I am, whose going to get me first" pose. My parents and sisters would race to grab her up. She always had such a mischievous look on her face and her eyes always sparkled. As she got older, she could have me mad one second and laughing the next. I miss my girl so bad. I have an email she sent me in 2006 that I always carry in my wallet. Now it is more special.
I have not gone thru Gene's things yet, but I did take his bible from his room and there between some pages is a peice of paper that he wrote down some scriptures. I take that piece of paper every once in a while and just look at it. He had very nice handwriting. I miss him so much.
I still have Cindy's last email and text message on my cell phone. I also still have her cell phone number in my address book on my cell phone. Sometimes I think why has she sent me a text message, then I have to remember that she can't anymore and I cry.
I moved into a new apartment in July and I'm still unpacking. I find things in every box that reminds me of our kids. A cup from Julie, a key chain from John, a letter or birthday card. I sleep with Johns shirt and use a pillow case that was Julies. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm just trying to punish myself. I haven't had any more signs from them like it was. I miss them. I know you all miss your's too. I think it's time for me to try to cope with it. I will not go to a shrink. I will not. I can't afford it and well, maybe you think that's an excuse. Nevermind. I have to find a way to get better. /that's all. Bottom line,,,,,,,,, I have wonderful memories of John and Julie and Benny but it hurts me to think about them.