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Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

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What do I say?

Last night I was supposed to met up with my mother in-law @ bingo but, she didn't make it.Anyway,so I was sitting alone & thinking about my son & the fact that it will be 11 months on Sat.& a man that we have seen & spoken to many times said "its not that bad",I looked up,you know how someone catches you off gaurd,he said agian "its not that bad",and smiled then he said"its not like anyone was hit by a bus & died". Before I even had time to think I said"no your right,he was shot to death". Now I know this man doesn't know me or anything about me or what happened to my son I know he meant well.I felt so bad.He looked like someone had sucker punched him in the gut the rest of the night.I wanted to tell him I was sorry but,I couldn't bring myself to say anything else to him.I'm sure I could have handled that better.What if anything should I say to this man if I see him again?
Love and prayers to all
Vickie/Andre's mom

Re: What do I say?

Vickie, that must have been uncomfortable for both of you, if you know the man in passing you could just say that you were deep in though about your child and without thinking you let it out, but don't say your sorry, maybe tell him you understand it was just an unfortunate choice of words on his part and you know he couldn't have known and you know how it was akward for both of you, maybe tell him the story of your son and of his murder, talking about it may help to ease some of the pain of keeping it all in. If he knew noting about your sons murder, I am sure he felt/feels like a big horses ass right now. you have nothing to say you are sorry for! you spoke your mind, Intentional or not. stay strong,hugs to you...vickie

Re: What do I say?

Vickie, that happened to me several weeks ago. I had to go pick up a package from the post office. I had been putting it off until I had to go or the package would be returned. I was standing in this long line and it had already been a bad day. I was feeling so depressed that day and was lost in thought while I was waiting too. I was about three people away when I realized that the postal lady was talking to/about me. She was saying that I needed to turn my frown upside down and that it took more muscles to frown then to smile. She just kept going on and on. I was embarrassed that she was calling attention to me. I know she didn't know my daughter had died, but it made me so angry. Of course she is the one I got when it was my turn and she kept on and on about my sad face. I said to her very low, "When your child is murdered, I think the fact that I just got out of bed today is an accomplishment." Of course the look on her face was pure shock. I have learned one thing, we don't always know what is going on in someone's life and that person who seems sad may have a good reason to be. As for the man, I am sure he didn't know about your son and he probly feels bad but you only responded to what he was saying to you. I understand how you feel though. It's hard to know what to say. We try to be strong and polite and nice and sometimes our pain just needs to be expressed.