You can find on Facebook at:

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

Messageboard is back up, please join other moms on the messageboard.

Start a New Topic 
Question about Trial

Please read entire post before you answer or your eyes bug out of your head like my crime advocate did when I asked her this--Do you think it would be a good idea to go to some local trials just to get a feel of the court system and how things work? We live in a small city and our trial will be in a larger city which will make our courts look like mayberry but nonetheless the basics will be there. I was told there are many surprises and you cannot possibly prepare for everything. I am worried about the whole idea and didn't know if anyone had thought of this or not. My CA, whose daughter was murdered many years ago,will be in court for the next two weeks so I asked her and she just looked at me and said if you think you can handle the things that you are going to hear--that was when her eyes bugged out. I asked what type of trails were they, thinking they might be something or a lesser nature--the mayberry thing again--which she replied, Murder! I thought I would go on my day off next week and didn't really want to go to a murder trial but it might not be the worst thing either...Any thoughts???She said I could always leave if it got to be too much as one of the cases involves an infant. Love to all...Has anyone heard from Joann--Hubert's Mom?

Re: Question about Trial

If you think it will help you to prepare then go with your heart.

I would avoid the infant one though. Maybe try for something smaller, like assaults or something first, just to get a feel. I've been thru courts a few times, having 3 boys, well Timmy was never in any trouble, but the olders ones had their share of stupidity. and let me tell you each and every time (not that there were THAT many, but enough) I was a wreck anyway, so I don't think it's something you ever get "used to", if that makes any sense. Though I knew the proceedings and stuff I still had anxiety attacks and had to take my medicine to get me thru it, one was so stupid it was for "obstruction of highway" my son when younger was outside his friends house with about 4 other friends talking to the kids grand mom, the cops came and told them to get off the corner, when they said they were visiting their friends grandmom, and she was sitting there saying they're not hanging on the corner (they happen to live 2nd house from the corner) they are talking to me, well they all got arrested for this, yeah, crazy huh??? So we all had to go to court for this stupid stupid charge, which was thrown out anyway, but still I was a nervous wreck, it's the whole idea of being in a court room and not knowing what to expect, etc. But you need to do what is best for you.

God Bless
Timmy's mom

Re: Question about Trial

My thought on this is no matter how many tials you sit through it will never prepare you for what will happen in your daughter's case. Having two boys I have been to court a few times also. Once because Jimmy was sitting on his bicycle on the sidewalk three feet over the line of which bicycle riding was Prohibited mind you he wasn't riding it just sitting talking with a friend. The real kicker was as he was getting a ticket a grown up rode down the sidewalk and the cop just looked at him and waved. 140 dollar fine for this law breaking kid of mine. Anyway back to the subject at hand. The defense will do anything to try to get his client off I mean the gloves come off. They lie, make things up to tell the jury. Try to make the victim out to be the bad guy/girl. They don't care what the truth is they just want to win. This is what you have to try to prepare yourself for. You can sit through 50 murder trials and never be ready for what will be said or happen in your own case.
My prayers are with you my thoughts too.
Jimmy's Mom Shirley

Re: Question about Trial

Bette & Shirley,
Thanks for your input. I was looking for just maybe a lesser trial. We too have been in court--once as a victim and even though their was a plea involved we read an impact statement. I just remember being so nervous when reading it and how emotional it was for us. I realize that I will never be ready for this and most of the time I don't even know how I will ever be able to get through it. If I do make it through I can't even imagine what state I will be in and how we are supposed to go on after that? I just didn't know if I was to know how the basics went if that would help ease, even just a little, of walking into that courtroom. But I guess I am just looking for an answer I already know but dread accepting--that nothing will change how painful this is going to be. I tend to ask questions I know the answer hoping I will get a different answer--I asked my Crime Advocate--who also had her daughter murdered many years ago--when does the feeling that you failed or failed to protect your daughter (even though your mind tries to tell you that you didn't) goes away or even just lets it grip ease just a bit on your heart? She turned and looked at me and I knew what she was going to say by the look on her face so I said it for her--Never. She replied it will be a very long time. Well thanks again for listening. I don't know what I would do without the MOMS. I feel for each and everyone of you as I read your stories. Love to all.