hi moms, please answer a question for me i find that now and it has been allmost 2yrs since my baby was taken away from us and i really need help more so now then ever i find it hard to seek help out because i am afraid that when someone asks me how long has it been since ernest was murdered that i should'nt need help now i just want to talk and get everything i feel off my chest it hurts to have all these emotions bottled up and people think since it has been allmost 2yrs i should'nt need any help but i do i dont think it will ever be any peace in my heart because every time i think and have a smile on my face i go right back to wait a minute my ernest is gone and ain't no coming back gosh why dont these people who kill our loved one's figure this out that death is permanent and they are destroying lives not only the one whose life the stole but the family too. i think only the people who have not had anyone close to them murdered think the same ole saying get over it no way can i get over this it hurts me everyday what can i do please someone tell me am i the only one who feels like this?

Dear Cheryl,
It is never too late for help! I believe as long as we live we will feel the loss of our children. For many, you are simply in such a state of shock for the first year that you can't even think of getting help! From what you are saying it sounds like you are at a place where you would like to work through some of your feelings. The perfect time to seek help! I have recently volunteered to be a facilitator at a grief group called griefshare. You should see if a branch meets in your area (www.griefshare.org) and you could attend the workshops which are free. Mine meets in my church. Don't deny yourself a chance at feeling a measure of peace. A loss such as this doesn't get all better, it just gets more manageable and therapy offers the tools to help. Ernest would want you to help yourself.

Love,
Lorre

I agree, it is never to late to seek help. I guess I should practice what I preach I went to see one lady but decided I didn't need any help. Guess I am still not letting the fact that my Jimmy is gone and not comming back sink in. I just can't right now it hurts to much. Don't listen to those who think you should just get over it they haven't walked in your shoes. I have and I know I will never just get over it.
Much love and many prayers
Jimmy's Mom
Shirley

Cheryl,
There area a few other groups you might seek out if the one that Lorre, facilitates at doesn't have one close to you. Compassionate Friends and POMC(parents of murdered children) may have a group close to you. There was nothing in our area so I asked the pastor of one of the churches what he could fine and he did find someone to come for a six week class on grief.Six weeks wasn't enough so several of us continued on.I attended faithfully for over a year and it did help, if for nothing but to touch bases with others who were going through the same thing I was and to confirm that I was not losing my mind(anymore or less than the others)
I still keep in touch with serveral of the other parents who lost children, I need to be able to touch base and talk to someone else who has had a great loss in their life too.That's one of the reasons I love this site and all of the incredable women who are here. More so than any other group, we here at moms know what it is like to live with the loss of a child through murder, the extra trials we face because of murder and the extra burden it puts on us.
We will never get over this but we will make it through it, if we can get the help we need and help each other.
Kayt

I do talk to a couselor, but I found that coming here helps me more than anything else I think I could possibly do. I am trying to also go to the POMC meetings, it's not to close but I met another mom thru her Pastor when Timmy was killed and she goes to the meetings so she drives. I went to one so far and there is another tonight, I'm hoping to go but my son might start a new job and it's at night time, downtown where I work, actually in my building (I got him the application for the maintenance firm here) so he is on their floater's list and they told him he might be called in tonight or tomorrow. I don't want him to miss this opportunity, cause he doesn't know his way down here so I said I'd meet him and show him how to get here and then he take the train home I can pick him up at the stop. Being at night I worry so I'm hoping I can do both. But really coming here to Mom's is the best thing that I found has helped me this past year. I'd never have come this far without you wonderful ladies, seriously, I'm still getting up every day and making it thru the day in all the pain and heartache, because I know if I need someone, I can just come here anytime anyday.

God Bless
Bette
Timmy's mom

Cheryl,

I was told by my counselor that you will never be over it,about the time you think you are it will hit you out of the blue. She had a patient that after 15 years it hit her that her daughter was gone. Her mind was trying to help her to cope so it somehow kept her together and then one day. This is a lifelong pain that we will endure we need to surround ourselves with true friends and keep faith that our children are our angels awaiting for us to join them. Prayers that you find some help and remember you have friends here.

Love and Prayers

Cindy Monica's Mom

Cheryl. I am just starting this but I don't think it is ever too late to get help. I cannot imagine ever being able to accept that Kaylin is gone. We just started POMC and Compassionate Friends and today after work I go to my first therapy meeting tonight. I have always thought I could handle things myself and that coming here was a big step for me. After a couple of really bad days where I was thinking things I shouldn't I realized I need help. I called Kaylin's therapist and made an appointment. I am hoping since she knew Kaylin she will better be able to help. Each day gets harder, right now I cannot imagine 2 years without her. I hope that you get the help that you are looking for. No amount of time it too late. How do we ever get past this? I don't think we ever can.

Hi Cheryl,

I have been attending Parents of Murdered Children and Compassionate Friends for a year now. Going to these meetings and introducing my son and telling my story brings me so much relief. Also P.O.M.C invites diffrent speakers to attend the meetings. Advocates, judges, detectives, and mediums. Just being able to share my feelings with others that are going thru the same thing that I am has helped me so much. I look forward to going to these meetings because this where I can openly talk about my son and nobody is going to change the subject on me. I always take my sons picture with me. I remember the third or fourth time I went I had so much anger that I screamed and yelled and nobody there thought that I was crazy. I did that at both meetings. Let me tell you, that sure felt good. And at the end of the meetings you get hugs from some of the people. Hugs that you don't even get from your own family. Here are the links. www.pomc.org and www.compassionatefriends.com. May God continue to bless and heal you, and may He grant us all the gift to be for you what you need. Take care. Sending you hugs.{{{}}}

It was 5 years June that my youngest son Tommy was taken from us, I still need help, thats why I come here every day. Thank you Deb , you've saved me a fortune in doctor bills, and the 24 hour 7 day a week sessions with you wonderful mom's has saved my life. Cheryl never be afraid to say it's been 2yrs. 5yrs. 10 yrs' Ernest was your baby and you will miss him the rest of your life. as we all will miss ours...LOVE Jackie Tom's momma

I read an article that states the initial trauma lasts up to 2 years for the loss of a child. That is just the "initial" trauma and it goes on to state that when the loss is violent such as all of ours it is much longer. To our family, and I am sure everyone will agree, it is a lifetime sentence. Hang in there, stay strong and be prepared to expect anything on this emotional roller coaster that not even you know where is going.
Love,
Family of Lisa Maas

I had my first therapy appointment today and one thing she told me was that in 5 years, 10 years maybe even longer that there would be times that the grief would hit me just like day one all over and that is normal and to know it will happen.

this is something i've wondered for 4 years. whenever i try to talk to someone i feel like i'm ranting or being selfish. does everybody feel that way, or is it just me

cheryl, have you tried to contact the "victims of violent crimes" you are a victim maybe there is something they can do for you. you are in CA right? call the court and ask if they have the number or can put you in contact with someone that can point you in the right direction. don't give up! I use to have the number but I lost it years ago. they can get you councling, sometimes funds and a host of other originations that will help you.

Julie I always feel like they think, Here she goes again. Why doesn't she just move on already? I want to talk about her but I can already see there are some who avoid me so they don't have to hear about her anymore I guess. I have some good friends who do let me talk about her and who are so supportive, but I know what you mean. I too have felt selfish and like I was ranting. That is one reason I am thankful for this group of MOMS who understand.

Cheryl, here is another web site that has help for families of Murdered children, I think it is in Los Angeles, not sure but it is worth a peek..I found some Interesting things there...again good luck, hugggsss Vickie

ok sorry cheryl I forgot to put the link down here it is; http://www.jfmc.org/