I went camping this weekend with my family I took Jimmy's baby girl Sandra, I had such a hard time it was so hard not to cry and there were a few times I couldn't hold back so I did my best to hide it. Sandra would watch her cousins with their dads and I could just see the look on her face. She told one of her cousins "I sure wish my daddy was still alive." It just broke my heart, I realized I had not spent a night away from home since Jim's murder and I started feeling like I had left him home alone I know that sounds crazy but I just couldn't stop thinking about it, all I wanted to do was get home and I am so glad that I am home now. I miss my son so much my heart is hurting very bad today.
Much love to you all
I know what you mean Shirley I don't even go out anymore. Me and my b/f (now ex) would go to dinner every Sat. night and we took Timmy with us a lot. I haven't been out to dinner since, and I had a surprise b/d party to go to yesterday for one of my friends, every time I had a party to go to I would let Timmy come with me and bring a friend, he loved going, eating all the good food and they would play games and stuff or hang out with the other kids. It wasn't the same, any of the partie I go to, I leave now real early. Last night I cried so hard, so hard when I got home, it's just not fair, I just don't get it, my heart is so broken, my life forever changed and I'm so sad and unhappy all the time. Everyone says how strong I am, yeah on the outside, they should come home with me and see me in the bathroom almost every night.
Oh Shirley, Bette. I am so sorry. I wish I could hug you both. I understand what you mean though. We had to pick up my son and my dad from the airport and we went to this place to eat that walked around with different meats and served them and all I kept thinking was that I wish she was there to experience this with us. Yesterday she got some more mail. One was a check that she got from the DA for her testimony when the place she worked was robbed. I thought that she would have liked getting a check since she was always so broke. It is hard still getting mail for her. Another reminder that she is not here and the world went on. Bette, I feel the same way. I just think if you only knew that on my way to and from work I cry, every night I cry, any time I am alone I cry, you wouldn't think I was strong. My love to you both today. I am thinking of you.