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Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

Karen,

I am sorry that your grief took you to that level. We all have thought about it at least once any mother who has a child murdered has reached that point. We are so greatful that God put you in his hands and brought you back. He sure did let you know that you have not completed your work here on earth. And for you to beable to come on here and tell everyone not to try that is another job God wanted you to fullfill. You have helped others in your honesty and willingness to speak about it. You not only let these MOMS know suicide is not the answer but you also let them know that they should not feel like they are weak if they seek out help to get through this. You are a true gift to these MOMS and to those around you and your son is smiling saying THAT IS MY MOM. You very well may of saved a MOMS life and for that we all are greatful. You brave beautiful woman. We will continue to pray that your journey gets easier to bear.

Love to you and prayers to all

Cindy Monica's Mom

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

HI KAREN,I BEEN THROUGH THE DEATH WISH ALSO,WISH I WAS DEAD,WISH I COULD SEE TONY,I HATE MY SELF,BUT THROUGH IT ALL,I CAN'T CHANGE WHAT HAPPEN,I WISH I COULD,BUT KILLING MYSELF WILL BRING JOY TO THE DEVIL,THAT'S WHAT HE WHAT US TO DO,BUT REALLY I HAVE TO FIGHT FOR MY TWO BOY'S,THEY NEED ME THE MOST,TONY WANT'S HIS BROTHER'S TO BE HAPPY SO I HAVE TO OVER COME THIS EVIL IN MY LIFE,YES IT IS HARD SO HARD,MS.KAREN YOU ARE SO SWEET ,MY HEART IS WITH U ALWAY'S,AS MOTHER'S WE GO THROUGH SO MUCH EMOTIONS WITH THE LOST OF OUR CHILDREN,BUT TOGHTER WE WILL GET THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN,I WISH U WELL ,HUG'S!!

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

Dear Karen,
I'm so happy to see that you are here. Your Angel Wes was looking out for you, that's for sure. I know a million things must have been going through your mind at the time you took those pills and when you drove yourself to the emergency room. Again, I'm really happy that you're here with us. I hope that you get something out of your therapy sessions with your new group and by yourself. Wishing you only the best Karen. Thinking of you and your Angel Wes. Randi

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

My sweet Karen,
I think you are one of the few people who can make suicidal tendencies seem hysterical (like Carrie Fisher did in "Postcards from the Edge"). I am so happy that you lived to tell the tale. And an amusing tale at that. Although I know that a dark place took you there, you are always able to see the light in the situation. That's only one of the many things I admire about you. What stopped me from taking the plunge was the movie "What Dreams May Come" because there is no way that I'd want to stay in the purgatory of sadness for eternity--like in the movie. Plus, I just never saw it as a way to my family. The way I figure, I've got maybe 40 years left maximium, so every day I live is a day closer to them. I can be joyful in that. That's the way I spin it to hold on. This life really is just "a moment", often a bittersweet moment, but one nonetheless. I'm so glad you're here to share your wisdom and humor with us! Keep us posted on your progress, I'm sure you'll keep your therapist on his toes!

Love you~!
Lorre

PS~ I hope your husband has bought you a dishwasher. You don't need anything else bothering you!

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

Karen, My gosh, I'm so glad you made it back to us. It takes a lot of courage to tell people but it's a part of the healing process. I wonder why Wes didn't tell you something? My brother tried to kill himself too. He is in prison for trying to kill one of the boys that killed his son. Our beloved John. Saturday will be 7 months. Nothing has happened to them but yet My brother is doing time, my nephew is dead, his brother is drinking himself to death, the whole family is still grieving and slowly falling apart and fighting about stupid things. I've been drinking. I hate my job. I keep trying to keep my brother together. He tried to hang himself. I hope you don't try it again. I know your family would fall apart. Please be safe. Death is forever. I keep telling Johnny Ray we have to live for now, this is it, when it's over it's over. He said John came to him in a dream and touched his face and he woke up crying like a baby. 52 years old crying like a baby. My God when I read what you did I started crying again. I thought when I moved I would be alittle happier. somehow. I don't know,,,,,,,, thenseeing people around me everywhere falling apart and thinking I have to find some strength to help them and I'm worthless. I try then I just end up crying and getting drunk at night.
I'm glad you are getting help, it makes me think about it again. Once again, I'm so glad you didn't bite the dust. I know in my heart you're going to make it. Wes wouldn't want you to do that. I know your heart is broken without him but even more hearts will be in horrible pain if you were gone.
Hang in there, everybody is pulling for you.
Love to you and your whole family and kisses to you from Wes.
xoxoxoxoxo
Patricia

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

Oh Patricia. I am just so sorry what this has done to your family. They don't just kill our children they destroy the whole family. I will keep you and your fmaily in my prayers. I am here if you need me.

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

Karen,
it just broke my heart to hear what you are going through, I could not respond at first as I know we all have had the same thoughts. For me when those thoughts overwhelm me I feel like if I take my life then not only has my son's killers destroyed him but my family as well. I will not let them take any more than they have already taken from us. I always enjoy reading your posts as you always have some humor in the midst of all this pain. Laughing to keep from crying is my philosophy. My daughter has tried once to commit suicide and I thought I would lose my mind if I lost another child. Recently my middle son posted on Joshua's website that he felt he was all alone without his big brother. The heartache NEVER stops, but as MOMs we carry on and noone knows the pain except another MOM. Please take good care of yourself Karen and I now Wes would not want it any other way. Hang in there and lean on your fellow MOMs.

luv
Kay

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

Karen, I can so relaste to wanting to kill yourself. I have a lot of pills and have thought so many times of taking them all and getting out of here. Living with this is sooo painful. The thing that has stopped me is my children and grandchildren. I am the only close family around here that Keara's children have from Keara's side of the family and I feel that I need to be here for them. I also need to be here for Keara. I need to tell her story and try to help others from suffering the same fate if I can and also be here for other Mom's and family members who are hurting. That is what I tell myself but sometimes I just want to be done with this pain.I have been in counseling since Keara's murder and take medication. In my past I was able to get through things on my own but now I know I have to take all the help I can get. Being in this situation goes way beyond what anyone can handle on there own. I am glad you did not die and am glad that you are also. I try to tell myself things will somehow get better. I have no idea how. I just hope that we all will see our beautiful childr4en again. Hang in there. Love, Darien

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

I just read that you try to kill yourself well dont think I didn't think to do myself in to my son was kill 2 years ago he was addicted to drugs in order to pay for his drugs he had to sale it he told me one day mom I found a new family I told him the new family you just found they gone a kill you sure enough 6 month later is dead I try to put him in treatment they had no beds so .His murder is not solve.My son was everything to me I lost the spark inside of me for ever I will never be the same,went I have thoughts of killing myself I ear my son say mom it will be ok so I go on love you momI ear him say love you mom so I think about the good memory we had together the many good laughs and I thank him for his 23 years he was who he was nevertheless I have an eclipse of the hart.I hang in there with my pain it's not easy I have the support of a few friends.I think that with all the pain that we have right now I cannot bring more on my family.So hang in there death is not a solution.Nicole

Re: I Tried to Kill Myself.

Karen, it's been along time since I've posted but I came on because it's Chris' birthday this coming Sat. and I'm having a really hard time..Your subject of course grabbed my eye..Chris and Daniele's father killed himself and left not only his mother, myself, his family but his children with such horrific guilt. I am so relieved to hear that you got yourself to the hospital when you did. As much as we all want to "check out", and believe me it's crossed my mind more than once, I think back to Big Chris and the aftermath that we were dealt because of his decision. Glad your still with us my friend..Robin, Chris' Mom Always