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Re: My baby is gone

Kim,

I sit here at my computer not knowing what to say but my heart aching knowing what you are going through. I have no answers for what their terminology means I just know that you have a right to have the Crime Victims office help you through this get in the phone book and find their number they ought to beable to give you some answers. We had not even gotten our Daughters body back before we were in a Lawyers Office fighting for her children because the Murderers Mom (who had only seen the kids 3 times) wanted to split them up and take my Grandson. You are on a very rough road but keep strong and remember that if we do not fight for our children nobody will.
Your Daughter is safe now God has her cradled in his arms nobody is going to ever hurt her again. Please try hard to stay strong for her. Put on your suit of Armor and start fighting we cannot let Murderers win by us giving up. Try and find that number so you know what you can do and not do to help your daughter and not hurt the investigation. My love to you and I will continue to pray that you get someone who cares to guide you through the investigation.


In Thought and Prayer

Cindy Monica's Mom

Re: My baby is gone

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my son in 2005. He was shot by an addict who he was helping to get clean. We knew immediately who was responsible as the shooting took place in public and the man was held until police arrived. I've often thought about how horrible is must be to not know who the killer is. I believe I would be in the funny farm if that were the case.

The police don't give the family information because it could ruin the case they are building against the killer. It's very frustrating I know. Partly it's for your protection too, if you knew everything right now, your emotions are so raw you might do something about it and get yourself into bad trouble.

Please try and be patient. Things will work out. In the end we all have to stand before God and defend our actions in life, those who murder will answer for it. The punishment the Father gives will fit the crime, and the punishment will be far beyond anything us humans can even imagine. Take care and try to rest.

Re: My baby is gone

Today was tough. The city had to take down her shrine because some people were violating the rule of no open flames. Sad, that because they can't follow the posted rule it had to come down. We looked through many of the things that were left. I have a box of things we can keep and I am hoping to get the pictures off of the posters. There were so many flowers.
I was going through the mail that had been sitting there waiting for me to get back, and there they were, just slaps to remind me that she was gone. Three envelopes for her. Sitting there just looking at her name and realizing that she would not be there to open it. My husband and I took turns breaking down today. I miss her so much. Today I didn't want to get out of bed. I dreamed about her the last few nights. Friday night I saw her in my dream and she was on the road that led to where she was found. She was standing next to a car and laughing and waving, like I was in a car behind her or something and she was waving good bye and then she got into the car and it disappeared. Last night I dreamed that I was at the Promenade where we would go sometimes to eat and I was sitting on a bench outside in front of a fountain and a man asked me how many children I had. I told him two and then I could feel the pain in my heart through the dream as I said I have two but one is in heaven. Even in my sleep I could feel my heart wrenching. I just want to hug her again. To hear her voice again. Today was a bad day.

Re: My baby is gone

Kim,

I sit here not even knowing what to say to you, I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away. I believe all the moms here feel that way if there was a way to take another moms pain we would do it.
I have had one dream where Jim was way off in the distance so far away I couldn’t see his face I just knew it was him he was only there for a second and then he was gone.
So sorry that Kaylin’s shrine had to come down, but at least it was there for awhile and you could see how many people cared about her.
Love and Prayers
Jimmy’s Mom
Shirley

Re: My baby is gone

My husband and I are taking a cross and some flowers to the site she was found. It is secluded and remote so it should remain private for her. I know you are right Shirley because even in our pain, when another mom is hurting we understand and hurt with her too. My husband is a very stoic man and he just doesn't cry. Like most men I guess. Yesterday he had a hard day. Last night we found out that a third person had tried to get help for her. She could have been saved at least three times. At least three people tried to get her help and this boy played God and decided she should die. I just hurt and want him to know how much pain he has caused. He took her life and he destroyed our family forever. We will never be the same and yet, he continues his life. I just want him to go to prison for a long time at least.

Re: My baby is gone

Kim....please send me an email - I have tried to reply to your msg 3 times. I would like to help

Re: My baby is gone

Gail, I just sent you an email.

Re: My baby is gone

Kim,
Your state has a crime victim's program. Get ahold of them and they will have an advocate assigned to you that will help you through the court proceedings and such and explain everything to you. This is important! Also the state will pay from the victims crime fund to bury your daughter who has now joined our children and you have become a part of our group.
I am sorry you have to be here but these mothers are better therapy than any shrink, doctor could ever be.
They know your pain every step of the way and are always here day and night never brushing you off or telling you to get on with your life.
You find out about the funds available to you, use them so there is one less worry for you.
There is just so much that the investigators can tell you this early in the case and believe me you want it to be a solid case when it goes to court.
The case against my son's murderer was dropped when it first happened because of lack of evidence 4 years ago with the stipulation that if they got the evidence they needed they could recharge and finally 4 years later it has happened and it has been hell but worth it.
I have not stayed silent though, I have been like a thorn in their side, I call and remind them that Justin is just not a case number, he is someone that is loved and missed deeply and I refuse to let anyone let him be forgotten. They tell me what they can and I appreciate that.
Thoughts& Prayers,
Connie Marchant

Re: My baby is gone

We contacted the victim's compensation fund at the advice of the detective investigating her case. We were told by them that they would send the paperwork to the detective to fill out and they would let us know if we qualified to receive the compensation for her funeral expenses. They said it would take 4 to 6 weeks before we heard from them so that is all we have heard so far. We are still waiting.

Re: My baby is gone

Kim, yes we all understand your pain. My baby was only 15, it has been one year 7/13. The pain some days is unbearable. I will never be the same, never ever. My life as I've known it is gone. I still tell people I have 3 sons. I still sign his name on cards. I will always do this, because he will never be gone from me, inside of me, my heart and soul. I've not done to well these past few weeks, some days I'm ok, then bam, it hits me all over again. I still can't imagine my life without him and how a whole year has already passed. I will keep you in my prayers and please do call the Crime Victims, they can help you. Here is a link for the National Crime Victims, http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/Main.aspx there is a tab for Victim Assistance, maybe they can lead you to the right place for where you live. Also, there are other places like POMC that might be able to help somehow.

We all feel your pain, and I do wish none of us had to go thru what we do. I know some days I just feel like giving up, but I keep going for my other boys.

God Bless
Bette
Timmy's mom

Re: My baby is gone

Kim,
I am so sorry this happened to your beloved daughter and you had to become one of us. Keep coming here for help and support as we are the only ones who truly know how you feel. I am so glad I found this website when I did! My one and only beloved son Gerrick was murdered 54 months ago and it feels like yesterday. My heart aches for him every moment and I love and miss him so so very much.
Love from Gerrick's mom, Diane

Re: My baby is gone

Kim, I am so sorry for your loss, no one but another mom is going to understand fully what you are going through. My Jr has been gone now 18 months and I relive that night everynight in my dreams I see his loving face and all his greatness, his laughter and his smile. I know this journey is not easy and right now you feel you can't go on, but unfortunately you will and so will everyone around you, I understand about how you felt about how everyone else around you are going on like it was nothing, but you know in your heart she was something she was your baby. As far as how you found out that was outrageous and I would honestly be talking to the television station and letting them know how you feel about there inconsiderate way of alerting the family about a child found murdered. I actually threatened my local station with a lawsuit if they ever used Jr's crime scene again for there news ad or to show how they were ontop of the news. So far we haven't seen it again on the news, we come from a very small town considering how large los angeles, or new york is I don't know where you are from but I would defintely be making some waves about how you are being treated. I am a very calm collected let everyone walk on you type of attitude but since Jr's death I am a full ********* get very angry at the way parents are treated through the media and the law end of a case. I have made it my job to make sure everyone knows there rights. And you need to be assuritive and do not derail from your job to find out what happened to your child and make sure the animals that did this pay.

Re: My baby is gone

I hate going out. Driving to work and seeing all the places that she would go and finding myself looking for her even though I know she is not there. Today I found myself begging God to let this be me in a coma and I have been having this 45 day dream and that I am going to wake up in a hospital room surrounded by my family and that she will be there and I will tell her that I did dream and that it was awful and I would hold her and never let her go. I know it seems silly, but I just want some way for this to not be real. At the grocery store I get sick. I see things that she liked and I have to force myself to the checkout to get out of there so I can fall apart in my car. I don't even know why I put on makeup for work, I cry it off before I even get there. I know she is safe with God but I am selfish and I want her back. I know that I have to fall back on my faith but I don't understand why this had t happen. Each day it feels like a knife has been plunged into my heart. I know ya'll know how I feel and I wish so badly that none of us had to be here. It is like my mind cannot fully comprehend that she is gone and that she is not coming back. How can that be? I watch the front door and imagine her walking in saying "Hi Mama, did anyone call for me?" as she makes her way to the office and then the bathroom. To hear her ask me if I think her puppy looks like she is wearing rollers when her ears are all flopped over. To have her ask me if she can just borrow five dollars to go get some criss cut fries from across the street. To have her play her cd she made for me while we are driving somewhere. To hear her tell me how excited she was that she was spinning for a big party on July 4. She was so excited about that job and she never got to do it. I miss her so much. Sometimes I feel like I am having a heart attack I miss her so bad. Our lives are filled with constant sorrow now. I miss her.

Re: My baby is gone

Dear Kim,there are no words to descibe what we are all going through here on this site,all i can say is we know how u are feeling,it is exactly the same for all of us,we just want to wake up and see our kids again.i visited yr daughters website today,and she was truly beautiful.how these animals can kill our kids is beyond me.please know that u are in my thoughts even tho i am in australia know that u and yr family and precious angel are in my prayers.love Deb(dwaynesmum) xoxox