Why is it people don’t want to talk about our children? I have made myself and my family T Shirts with a Picture of Jimmy. I took the picture off a video it was right after he had talked some guy (who he had never even seen before) into letting him do wheelies on this guys brand new street bike. He was cracking up getting ready to give a high five to a friend. On the picture I wrote DON’T CRY BECAUSE I’M GONE!!! SMILE BECAUSE I WAS THERE!!! I wore my shirt to work today some people would look and then turn away WHY are they afraid I might say something about him? Yes it might make us cry but it makes us happy in our hearts to have people say Oh yea I remember when Jimmy did this or when he said that. We need to hear anything anyone remembers about our children. Because they were murdered talking about them is taboo? Someone told me Jimmy cracked a couple of jokes while he was laying on the porch of his neighbors home hardly even being able to breathe after being shot in the chest. Those kinds of things we need to hear, my Jimmy was an entertainer always doing things crazy stunts to make his friends laugh. He climbed out the window of a pickup climbed over the top and hung down looking in the windshield making faces at his buddies they were cracking up at him. Then he climbed over the tailgate and kept peeking over the tail gate just to entertain. And yes they were going down the highway at about 55 or 60. I have all this on video. Jim had no fear he did stunt shows on his street bike all the time but he would also do stunts going down the highway he got busted for doing a wheelie at 120 mph. He could have out run the highway patrol but that was not the kind of person he was he stopped and took his punishment. Then naturally mom drove to the jail to pick him up and a month later got his bike out of the impound. People just don’t understand that is why we need each other and I am so, so very glad I have all the moms here.
Much Love to you All
Our daughter was senselessy murdered 9 weeks ago today and we are just beginning this journey. We have already started experiencing the "plaque". It got very lonely very quickly. When we do have visitors they change the subject or talk of what their family is doing/enjoying. They don't understand that as painful as it is for them it is multiplied an infinite number of times for us. We were told that when our loved ones die violently that it scares people so much because they know it could have been them and they don't want to address it. They also want you to "get over it" or "move on" but I think more for themselves so they don't feel guilty about not talking to you or allowing you to share your stories of your loved one. We even showed them the Mother's Wish List in hopes they would get a better understanding and I think they ran farther and faster away--as their are many facts in the poem they don't or can't accept about what has happened. We have found great comfort & less frustration talking to other parents who have lost their loved ones and what a relief it is to not worry about what you're saying or have the topic changed. It is good to listen as well as you know the other needs to talk and have someone who will caringly listen and not judge them. You are right this website is great and I am so glad we found it and so grateful to Deb...Love Laura Maas
You said it on the button! I can tell you right now, the Mom's on here are the only people I can talk to. Oscar doesn't want me to talk to Chris. He says I upset her more and they need to move on. He can kiss mine, I am no longer speaking to him. Margaret, a friend of mine called. I hadn't heard from her in a while and I tried not to cry. I tried so so hard but, I couldn't hold the tears. She said I'll call you another time when you're not crying and hung up. I have caller ID. I won't answer the phone when she calls. We can just leave messages. Another so called friend said if I could control myself she would like me to come to her Pampered Chef party. I told her no, I don't think I'm interested in controling myself. I get upset when certain subjects come up because some people say things like, they are in a better place. You have to let the dead rest. Don't talk about the dead, we will be there soon enough. These are actually true statements that have come out of peoples mouths. Oh, and lets not talk about him it's to sad. And he's gonna grab your feet at night if you keep bothering. aaaggaahh! I'm sorry I cry ok! I'm sorry our kids are dead because of some Bas***ard who decided to murder them. I'm sorry I can't bring them back, but I'll be **** if anybody is going to tell me not to grieve and to just forget or control myself. You can get out of my life and my site if you don't llike it! I don't need those people around me. I'm having one **** hard time trying to get back to God! I still can't! I try to pray, I try to talk to God. I can't and I can't forgive them for what they did. I can't forgive them and I can't make myself stop hating them. I want to kill them. I can't stop being angry. God help me. I'm so sorry,,,,,,,,,,,,
Here is another one "He is going to prison now so it's over." NO,NO,NO it is not OVER it will never be OVER!!! Yea he is going to prison but my son is still dead and there is nothing that will change that. I have to live without my son my best friend,nothing will ever change that! I hurt but they don't want to see, I want to talk about him but they don't want to listen. Funny thing is when he was alive they wanted to hear all about his antics. I will never ever walk away from someone or not listen when they want to talk about a love one who has passed. Or just give a hug when I know they need one. That is why I come here to give and recieve comfort.
Much Love to you all
I feel like those who do not want us talking about our kids are the ones who care more about it making them feel uncomfortable not about how good it is for us to hear our childrens names. To just hear about them in general. I say those who let you greive are your freinds those who don't are not. This is where our freinds are we cry together, greive together, pray together and love together. We are blessed to have each other.
Love and Prayers
yall have said it all took the words out of my mouth aman love you all joann
Dear Laura, I am so sorry that you have to join our group. There is no words that will sooth our hearts. I've had friends who have lost children and it's funny cause I never knew what to say to them. But I do know that only people who don't really care or love you don't atleast act like they are listening and move away. I had the opposite at work, everyone wanted the details and was very nice. So I made a point of not talking about it so much except to my close friends who don't mind and are kind enough to try to comfort me. But I swear there are some very strange people in the world who seem to think it's a soap opera or something and hang on the details. It's creepy. Sunday 8/3 is Randy's 37th birthday, I took the day after off so I won't look like a zombie at work. It's really better to put on a front for people it makes them more comfortable like it never happened. Unfortunately I'm holding it all inside and not letting anyone near my pain, I go to the cemetary alone. My other kids are suffering enough and have to go on, we mothers need to keep strong, even if it's only in public.
I found a saying that fit -- "If I could sit across the porch from God, I'd thank Him for lending me You"
Everyone here has said it all, I feel the same way. I have many friends who don't even cal me anymore. I have firends who said they will help me fix up my house so I can move as Timmy was killed right down the street, I have to pass it every single day. Have they come thru for me, no not one of them did. Me and my son started painting, but I have some major work that needs to be done, my one friend is a handy man can do everything, I called a few times, when you coming, oh I've gotten busy but soon, that was over 6 months ago. I stopped asking. I lost a b/f too. he told me it was to emotional for him to handle, well what about me and my other boys, even their stupid father who really wasn't part of their lives anyway, stopped my support I have no kids under 18 now, well my 20 y/o is in college I need help with that but he is fighting me anyway, never called to see how they were holding up not even at Christmas time. Non of my ex-inlaws don't call even my boys! I cried last night to my oldest, I don't think I ever mention my oldest that much, he is away right now, has his own demons to fight, he is the one who ID'd timmy laying on the sidewalk, an image that will stay with him forever. He made me cry last night, he wants revenge I try to tell him God will get revenge, we don't know who it is, we have an idea, but not 100% sure, he doesn't want to live hre anymore I don't blame him, he is so angry and it made me cry I told him he has to stop talking like this, it only upsets me more. I have no one who wants to help me and the only thing keeping me going is my two boys. he called me like 4 times last night, finally he said he was sorry he takes his anger out on me, and he is just feeling these feelings and I said it's ok to feel that way, who doesn't want vengence when someone took your loved one away, Timmy was his baby brother, I feel the same, I wish there was something I could do but I wait for justice and I pray for it every night. He didn't deserve to die like this on the street, none of our children deserve to die this way. It's not fair! I still talk aobut him, and I don't care anymore. I sued to think oh maybe I shouldn't don't want to upset anyone, well the hell with them. I'm not going to pretend he didn't exist. He was my sweet baby, I love him and miss him with all my heart and soul and if they don't want to hear it then they can stop talking to me, maybe that's why no one calls me anymore because I still brng him up, oh remember when Timmy did this or Timmy loved that or he was so funny or I miss his laugh and his goofy grin. Maybe.... well I've got you Mom's and I knwo you guys won't say these things to me, I tell you my dreams because not to many people want to hear it, it meant something to me having that dream. Or I will tell you how he used to line up the playig cards and use them for his bb-gun. that was the only allowance I et him use ti that way, then it broke and he got mad LOL :) he was the funniest kid, really he made everyone laugh. One of his firends messaged me telling me how much he changed her life, she had to stay at her cousins for some reason and hated it, she would talk to him every night and even when she was sad he would get her to laugh and she told me that she'd neve rhave come this far if it wasn't for talking to him every night. he was such a good soul and I will not ever stop talking about him, or remembering the good things ro the bad things, never ever. He was my life, this is my life now, changed forever and I am who I am, a victim of murder!
God Bless all you mom's, you are special people, in my heart forever.
I had a conversation with my son Chris who was younger to Randy in birth order, I have 5 kids, we talked about what punishment would be best, but he stunned me with some wisdom, "no matter what revenge or punishment he gets, it won't bring Randy back" it hit me like a brick. Yes I want him punished, but West Virginia doesn't have the death penalty like Illinois. Although there are people there who would probably take care of it, it would make us just as guilty as him.
I'll probably not feel as generous when I finally get to se ehim face-to-face in court next month.
At court there were times when I hated Michael Marlin so much I wanted to jump up and gouge his eyes out, times I could have killed him myself. This little creep was so stupid when he was testifying he was sounded like he was bragging about what he had done. He was asked how close he was to Jim as he was chasing my son through his own home after already shooting Jimmy in the chest his answer "I was right on him!" This was with a smirk on his face. Everyone that came to the trial for Jimmy sat quietly made no remarks. The judge thank us all two times for the way we conducted our selves. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Sit in a court room with the B------ that murdered my son.
You just hang in there because it won't be easy.
We are in week five of this ordeal. Mostly I have been surrounded by caring people who knew I talked about Kaylin all the time while she was alive and seem to understand my ned to talk about her now. I just returned to work and they watched the youtube slideshow of her. She is singing on it. They cried with me. They keep checking on me to see if I am ok. My family lets me talk all I want and when I was flying home I prayed that God would let me sit next to someone who would be compassionate if I couldn't control the tears. Not only did he answer that but the lady let me talk about her and she talked about her child and we shared a conversation and I felt almost normal. Her daughter is still alive and that is who she was flying to see, but she let me talk about the memory of my daughter and she listened and laughed and told me how beautiful she was and she comforted me when I cried over the loss of her. She gave me her card to keep in touch. Then there are the people who I thought were friends who tell me to let them know if I need anything and then I have not heard from them again. The people who tell me that she is finally at peace. What does that mean? She was 20 years old and faced things that 20 year olds face but she was happy most of the time and was looking forward to a big party that she was to work the fourth of July. My ex mother in law even said that she was always a troubled child. That shows that she was never around her. Kaylin was always a happy child who would make me laugh and she always had that smile that made her eyes twinkle. In most of her pictures you can see the smile all the way up to her eyes. She laughed a lot and she was the center of attention making people laugh. She was a mother hen to her friends and her little brother. I would often have to remind her that I was his mother not her. They were 8 years apart and she loved him so much. A few people have stopped to ask how I am doing as they run out the door in case I say not well or want to talk about her. They talk about their children and their things and I listen, so listen to me talk about my baby.