My daughter was killed either June 30, or July 1. We don't know yet because we are still waiting for the autopsy report. She was found in a ravine. I found out by seeing it on the news that night. The detectives did not come to make the official notification until 2:00 a.m. They have a suspect but he has not been arrested. No one tells us anything. I understand that they are working on her case to prosecute but no one talks to us. They said that they cannot get too attached to a case or they could not work it. She isn't a case to me. To me she is my 20 year old baby girl who was taken from me too soon and no one wants to tell me anything. I am dying inside and no one wants to tell me anything. I just want her back. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and see her again. I want to scream at the world, how dare they go back to their lives when I can never go back to mine. I want to scream how dare you try to act as though she didn't exist by not talking about her as though it makes you uncomfortable. She did exist. She will always exist for me. I just want to wake up.
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, this is a nightmare one all the mom’s here are living. I came to MOMS about five months ago so glad I did the moms here have helped me get through very tough times. My son my baby was murdered 12/16/07. I don’t think law enforcement understands how much we need every little detail any piece of information we can get. We need to know what is going on!! My son’s murderer has been tried and convicted of 2nd degree murder he will be sentenced on Sept. 2nd and I still want to know anything no matter how small of what happened that terrible night. I guess I think if we know we can make since of it, although it will never make since.
You hang in there keep calling the detectives every day keep asking questions let your voice be heard! We are all here for you, you can vent to us anytime we will listen and give you support.
Thank God for MOMS
My prayers are with you
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so terrible that this happened and how you found out is even worse. I do believe that they try and keep themselves at a distance maybe they can't share too much information right now cause they want to make sure they have it all together so they can no only arrest this person but get a conviction. I would definitly keep in contact with your detective and if he don't talk to you go above him to his Sgt. and if he don't talk to you keep on going higher, once they see you are not going to go away hopefully they will open up that bridge.
My son was shot one year ago July 13th. he was only 15 y/o, just walking home from the store with another guy who was my oldest son's friend. We believe he is the target and my Timmy was killed as a witness, we think he knew who it was. It is very painful, still a whole year and no arrests have been made, many leads and many rumors, it can drive a person crazy.
Mom's is a great place, many wonderful mom's here, who have helped me more than anyone can realize. No one judges, you can vent, scream, cry all you want. We will all be here for you.
No one should go thru what we go thru.
OH KIM ,I AM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR BABY GIRL, I AM GLAD I HAVE FOUND THIS SITE WE ALL KNOW YOUR PAIN MY HEART IS BROKEN WHEN I SEE SO MANY MORE MURDERS,WE ALL ARE HERE FOR YOU .MY SON WAS 19 YEARS OLD FULL OF LIFE ,FUNNY ,LOVEABEL,LIKEABEL,AN MY BESTFRIEND.HE WAS KILLED JULY 27 2007 . NOT A DAY GO BYES THAT I DO NOT THINK ABOUT HIM, MY LOVE AN PRAYERS JOANN(HUBERT)MOM.
I just wanted to say i'm so sorry about your daughter. I lost my baby son he was 3yrs old on Sept 5th 1996 his own father shot him in the head. I have to fight every 2yrs to keep this murder in prison so if the police try to blow you off just keep tring and fighting for your daughter. I still fight almost 12yrs later. God Bless you and your family and again i'm so sorry for your loss.
It is a relief to me to find this site. So many people try to understand, but this is one of those times that only the people who have been through it truly can. I don't print her name yet because I am so afraid of them saying I printed something that kept them from getting a conviction when the time comes. I can say that she was a beautiful girl with more talent in her little finger than I had in my entire body. I need to talk about her but few people understand that. I keep hearing that she is at peace now. What does that really mean? Her life was not so miserable that being here was awful. I know that she rest in God's hands now. I have had to turn to God and trust him but I still miss her. Everything reminds me of her. I have to fight losing it at the worst times. Well meaning people try to help and I do appreciate them, but it is hard to sit in a restuarant with happy people when you keep thinking that your baby will never experience something as simple as dinner out again. I have to fight to not lose it in public when sometimes I just want to have a melt down. The rumors are all out there. Some are so hurtful and some are so untrue. I want to lash out at those people who didn't know her and make assumptions that are just wrong but what will hurt the case? We just found out they have a security hold on her autopsy report. We are not even sure what that means except more delays. I went to the place they found her. Some thought it was awful that I did but I NEED to know everything. Not to be morbid but as one said to try to make sense of it. I feel so guilt that I didn't protect her. This place lets me see that I am normal in what I am thinking. I am so glad I found you. I hate night time right now. I can't sleep and it is so quite. They keep telling us this is going to be a long process. I just keep thinking that we have to survive to make sure our baby is never forgotten. I am so sorry that there even has to be a group for us. This should never happen to anyone. I remember thinking as we were going to her gravesite that this happened to other people, not us. Now we are "other people." I just miss her so much. I miss her and want to hear the goofy laugh that drove me nuts sometimes. We did a slide show at her funeral and were able to find a tape of her singing that we put into it so at least I can always hear her singing. I just want to hear her voice again. To hear her come in and say hi and ask if anyone called for her. I just want to hug her. Why do people do things like this? Our lives have been changed forever.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are so right when you say your life will never be the same. It's not fair, I just hope you can hang in there. You came to the right place, this is the only place I'm allowed to vent. Nobody wants to listen to me because I can't let go. The trial hasn't even started. John was beat and strangled with his dog chain by three guys. One is talking now and it looks like the one who actually strangled him was the one who had lived with the family. I can't say names.
I'm so sorry please keep coming back. Everyone here will support you and we want to know every thing. We stand behind you one hundred percent.
Dear Kim, I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I know now words can ever ease your pain, but know us MOMS will be here for you. I have been on this journey of grief and sadness for almost 4 1/2 years. My son Mark was brutally murdered in the driveway of our home, no one has been convicted yet. Please come here and talk, we'll be here to listen. Take one day at a time. Randi
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Glad you found this website. Everyone here understands your pain and anger. My son was murdered on May 6, 2007. He was found behind a Goodwill store in the early morning hours by a passer-by. He had been shot in the head. He was 34 years old.I also saw this in the news. They made an arrest four days later. He has been in jail since then. He is being charged with first degree murder, kidnapping and affiliation with gangs. To this day I still don't know the motive of why my son was killed. This guy is saying he did not know my son but somebody told him to kill him. Why!!! What in the hell did my son do so bad that he had to be killed??? I go to court once a month for what they call continuence hearings. I have no idea when or if we will be going to trial. I too miss my son so much. He was my best friend. My protecter. Kim, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Just remember, you don't have to walk thru this alone. May God continue to bless and heal you, and may He grant us all the gift to be for you what you need. Take care and God Bless You.
Kim, I as well as all the other moms here am so very sorry about your child. We are all in the same boat, and from experience from the last two years, this is somewhere you can go to always have a kind word, know that we have gone through the same thing, and know that we are all here to give each other a boost when we need it. It's a place to come when you need a good cry, and to feel good hearing about people finding justice finally. Everyone here from my experience is kind, caring, and loving moms, reaching out to each other...and I welcome you here. If you ever ever need to talk, just email me...or post on here. God bless you and may he give you some peace, and may the police get to the bottom of this horrible crime quickly, and efficiently.
Lots of love
Kim, as you can see from the responses you have already gotten WE are her for you WE are here for each other.I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for the wonderful support I get here.Believe me you are right no one but another mom that as walked in our shoes could understand.I am glad you found us but,I am so sorry you have joined us.This is a "club" that wants no new members!You are in my thoughts and prayers!My son Andre' was murdered 10/06/2007 they have not made an arrest & they have no suspect.I also learned that my son had been murdered one block away from the t.v. when I saw it I knew it was my son and we called them.He was murdered @ 9:30p.m. & they didn't come until 5:00a.m. the next day.I am so sorry for your beautiful child!
Love & prayers
Kim, I am so sorry about your daughter. I hope our group can give you some degree of comfort. I know it has helped me alot. My Randy was killed 10/16/07 by a homeless man. They say it was over a lighter! Can you imagine that! The creep was harrassing his girlfriend and he tried to defend her. This guy was in the Special Forces in Vietnam so he did a real job of it, stabbed him more than 20 times. He smiles in court and says it was self defense. I'm giong to court Sept 10 and will get to see this POS for the first time. He doesn't seem to have any remorse at all. But atleast he was caught, I can't imagine what you moms who don't have that go through everyday.
Chin up and remember the good times, it really does help and talk to anyone about her who will listen and ask them to tell you their favorite memory of her, I was surprised how much that helps. luv ya, Donna
I have been trying to work on a memorial site for her. I hope to have it ready soon. I went back to work Monday and it has been tough. I was never one to cry easily and now it is all I do. I try to pull it together at work but I take several breaks just to go sit in the bathroom floor and cry. I miss her so badly and still have heard nothing. This weekend my husband and I are going to go and hike the area and once again try to find the exact spot. I just wish that the law enforcement could at least tell us where they found her. I NEED to go see where my daughter was left to die. I NEED to go there. I am not sure why, all I know is that I NEED to go. I don't understand why they can't just tell us where she was found. Not knowing anything is driving me crazy. I understand why, but isn't there something they could tell us? The detective told me that night that they cannot get too attached to the victim or they couldn't work the case. I can understand that to some level, but while it may be something he deals with everyday, this is the first time we have ever had to deal with a tragedy like this and we just want some compassion shown. To be treated like her parents and not some nosy people wanting gossip material. I hope it never does, but I think to myself what if this were your child. How would you want to be treated? Treat me that way and understand that we need something from you as well. If you have no compassion left then maybe you need to change jobs. I just want to know something. We are in limbo. Some days I feel like I cannot survive this. My son is the only thing that keeps me hanging on some days. When does the pain lessen? I just want my baby back.
Kim...I am not familar with the police in your area & never wanted to be with them in any area but we all have had no choice. I can't help keep reading that they keep giving you that line of crap about being too attached to the case. Our detectives tell us constantly to call them day or night...if they don't answer they will get back to us and they do...they have so much compassion for us it is unbelievable...we live is a small commmunity and where Lisa was going to school was a much larger city...unfortunately this is the what they are touting as the "bloodiest year" in the past decade with 72 murders alreadly have been committed. They are always willing to talk to us even if they cannot release certain details. I have never felt like they are treating our daughter as a case but at times feel like they lost their own daughter. You are correct that they need to find another job if they cannot "deal" with this. Is this the view of the whole department? I would go to their superiors or even the mayor, etc. if you have the strength. I have learned one thing through this...We have every right to be selfish and demanding because right now it is all about us! We struggle with the loss of Lisa every minute of everyday while others can't face it even for five minutes. It is amazing that many strangers have provided more comfort than those closest to us. Take care as I could go on all day. I am collecting some different thoughts and things I have found on various websites and will try and post them. They relate to a A Mother's Wish List but I would like revise it with a few new ideas that I am seeing from other mothers on this board. Take Care. Laura
I am sorry so very sorry about your beautiful daughter. I lost my Daughter 5 years ago so I was in your place at one time. I do know about frustration with the Police when I got the police report on my daughters murder it was 1 page and very very little detailed information. Thank God that the Monster that killed my daughter actually died from the self inflicted gunshot wound because he more than likely would of gotten off with the lack of information on the report. The police said they could not find the 3rd bullet that was shot into my daughter they said they did not know where it went, well the workers who came in to tear up the carpet found it. When I told the Sheriff he said "where did they find it" I said where her head was did you even look where her head was?? He stood over her and shot her while she lay there bleeding from the other 2 bullets. I feel for anyone that has to face the H--- of trying to make the killer pay. You keep coming here and you have love,prayers and freindship. We will help you take your 1 day at a time. We are here for you.
Sending you love and so many prayers
Cindy Monica's Mom
My husband called them today and I emailed. We are trying to be patient, but we need some compassion returned. Of course we want this person or people to be punished for what they did but the whole thing has been a nightmare. I learned of her death on the news and I called them to find out if it was in fact her. They made me wait three hours before they came to confirm it was her. We didn't get to see her for 8 days. Eight days of not seeing my baby. They said they didn't need me to identify her because friends did and they confirmed with fingerprints. Then is was another 2 days before we could have her released to us to fly her back home to bury. There is a security hold on her autopsy report. What does that mean? I just want to know a few things. If I ask a question they can't answer they can say so, but I need to know something. We have heard rumors of who the boy is. I want to scream that he is home with his family while my daughter cannot be with us. It isn't fair at all. Most everything we have learned has been from the news. They seem to have forgotten our baby had a family who loved her very much. The only thing they do tell us is that this is going to be a very long investigation. I am beginning to wonder if they will tell us when they go to court. I am torn. I am afraid that if I act too quickly that it might cause the boy to get away with what he did, but at the same time I want my daughter looked after. I need reassurance from them that they are doing something. We are being treated like we did something wrong by having our child die.
MY BABY WAS TAKEN FROM ME ON AUG.23.07 AND HE WAS SHOT FROM THE BACK HE WAS KILLED A BLOCK AWAY FROM OUR HOUSE MY SON ONLY RAN TO THE STORE TO BUY A SODA AND WAS COMING BACK HOME AND HIS FRIEND WAS GIVING HIM LIFT ON THE BIKE PEGS AND THESE GUYS JUST COME AND SHOT HIM 7 TIMES AT CLOSE RANGE AND DRIVING AWAY LAUGHING YELLING DUMB REMARKS WE GAVE LOTS OF INFO TO THE POLICE BUT APPARTLY SOME OF THESE COPS ARE DIRTY AND I FIND OUT THESE GUYS ARE GETTING THEIR DRUGS AND GUNS FROM OUR OWN POLICE STATION,THESE A-------- COME AND TAKE MY SONS LIFE AND THESE GUYS WAKE UP EVERY MORNING LIKE NOTHING WHERE ARE THESE MOTHERS THEY DONT NOTICE ANY WRONG ON THEIR KIDS BEHAVIOR YOU CANT TELL ME YOU CANT NOTICE ANYTHING,MY BABY WASNT ALL INOCENT BUT I KNOW DEEP INSIDE MY BABY WOULDNT TAKE A LIFE THE WWAY THEY DID,MY LIFE AND HEART WAS SHATTERED INTO SMALL PIECES AND NEVER CAN BE REPAIRED AND THESE ANIMALS LIVE LIFE LIKE NOTHING.MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU,I DEEPLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR FEELING.ONE DAY THESE EVIL PEOPLE WILL PAY LIKE I SAY CARMA ALWAYS COMES BACK FOR YOU. AND IT WILL.YOU WILLBE IN MY PRAYERS
Tonight I saw for the first time where my baby was found. It was secluded. If I had been there for a hike before all of this I might have thought it beautiful and serene, but not today. Today I found it secluded and lonely. After seeing the spot that they found her body in, I am so thankful that we found her. This could be day 39 of wondering where she was. I miss her. I plan to go back and take a cross out there for her. I just feel so tired and numb after seeing that.
I sit here at my computer not knowing what to say but my heart aching knowing what you are going through. I have no answers for what their terminology means I just know that you have a right to have the Crime Victims office help you through this get in the phone book and find their number they ought to beable to give you some answers. We had not even gotten our Daughters body back before we were in a Lawyers Office fighting for her children because the Murderers Mom (who had only seen the kids 3 times) wanted to split them up and take my Grandson. You are on a very rough road but keep strong and remember that if we do not fight for our children nobody will.
Your Daughter is safe now God has her cradled in his arms nobody is going to ever hurt her again. Please try hard to stay strong for her. Put on your suit of Armor and start fighting we cannot let Murderers win by us giving up. Try and find that number so you know what you can do and not do to help your daughter and not hurt the investigation. My love to you and I will continue to pray that you get someone who cares to guide you through the investigation.
In Thought and Prayer
Cindy Monica's Mom
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my son in 2005. He was shot by an addict who he was helping to get clean. We knew immediately who was responsible as the shooting took place in public and the man was held until police arrived. I've often thought about how horrible is must be to not know who the killer is. I believe I would be in the funny farm if that were the case.
The police don't give the family information because it could ruin the case they are building against the killer. It's very frustrating I know. Partly it's for your protection too, if you knew everything right now, your emotions are so raw you might do something about it and get yourself into bad trouble.
Please try and be patient. Things will work out. In the end we all have to stand before God and defend our actions in life, those who murder will answer for it. The punishment the Father gives will fit the crime, and the punishment will be far beyond anything us humans can even imagine. Take care and try to rest.
Today was tough. The city had to take down her shrine because some people were violating the rule of no open flames. Sad, that because they can't follow the posted rule it had to come down. We looked through many of the things that were left. I have a box of things we can keep and I am hoping to get the pictures off of the posters. There were so many flowers.
I was going through the mail that had been sitting there waiting for me to get back, and there they were, just slaps to remind me that she was gone. Three envelopes for her. Sitting there just looking at her name and realizing that she would not be there to open it. My husband and I took turns breaking down today. I miss her so much. Today I didn't want to get out of bed. I dreamed about her the last few nights. Friday night I saw her in my dream and she was on the road that led to where she was found. She was standing next to a car and laughing and waving, like I was in a car behind her or something and she was waving good bye and then she got into the car and it disappeared. Last night I dreamed that I was at the Promenade where we would go sometimes to eat and I was sitting on a bench outside in front of a fountain and a man asked me how many children I had. I told him two and then I could feel the pain in my heart through the dream as I said I have two but one is in heaven. Even in my sleep I could feel my heart wrenching. I just want to hug her again. To hear her voice again. Today was a bad day.
I sit here not even knowing what to say to you, I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away. I believe all the moms here feel that way if there was a way to take another moms pain we would do it.
I have had one dream where Jim was way off in the distance so far away I couldn’t see his face I just knew it was him he was only there for a second and then he was gone.
So sorry that Kaylin’s shrine had to come down, but at least it was there for awhile and you could see how many people cared about her.
Love and Prayers
My husband and I are taking a cross and some flowers to the site she was found. It is secluded and remote so it should remain private for her. I know you are right Shirley because even in our pain, when another mom is hurting we understand and hurt with her too. My husband is a very stoic man and he just doesn't cry. Like most men I guess. Yesterday he had a hard day. Last night we found out that a third person had tried to get help for her. She could have been saved at least three times. At least three people tried to get her help and this boy played God and decided she should die. I just hurt and want him to know how much pain he has caused. He took her life and he destroyed our family forever. We will never be the same and yet, he continues his life. I just want him to go to prison for a long time at least.
Kim....please send me an email - I have tried to reply to your msg 3 times. I would like to help
Gail, I just sent you an email.
Your state has a crime victim's program. Get ahold of them and they will have an advocate assigned to you that will help you through the court proceedings and such and explain everything to you. This is important! Also the state will pay from the victims crime fund to bury your daughter who has now joined our children and you have become a part of our group.
I am sorry you have to be here but these mothers are better therapy than any shrink, doctor could ever be.
They know your pain every step of the way and are always here day and night never brushing you off or telling you to get on with your life.
You find out about the funds available to you, use them so there is one less worry for you.
There is just so much that the investigators can tell you this early in the case and believe me you want it to be a solid case when it goes to court.
The case against my son's murderer was dropped when it first happened because of lack of evidence 4 years ago with the stipulation that if they got the evidence they needed they could recharge and finally 4 years later it has happened and it has been hell but worth it.
I have not stayed silent though, I have been like a thorn in their side, I call and remind them that Justin is just not a case number, he is someone that is loved and missed deeply and I refuse to let anyone let him be forgotten. They tell me what they can and I appreciate that.
We contacted the victim's compensation fund at the advice of the detective investigating her case. We were told by them that they would send the paperwork to the detective to fill out and they would let us know if we qualified to receive the compensation for her funeral expenses. They said it would take 4 to 6 weeks before we heard from them so that is all we have heard so far. We are still waiting.
Kim, yes we all understand your pain. My baby was only 15, it has been one year 7/13. The pain some days is unbearable. I will never be the same, never ever. My life as I've known it is gone. I still tell people I have 3 sons. I still sign his name on cards. I will always do this, because he will never be gone from me, inside of me, my heart and soul. I've not done to well these past few weeks, some days I'm ok, then bam, it hits me all over again. I still can't imagine my life without him and how a whole year has already passed. I will keep you in my prayers and please do call the Crime Victims, they can help you. Here is a link for the National Crime Victims, http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/Main.aspx there is a tab for Victim Assistance, maybe they can lead you to the right place for where you live. Also, there are other places like POMC that might be able to help somehow.
We all feel your pain, and I do wish none of us had to go thru what we do. I know some days I just feel like giving up, but I keep going for my other boys.
I am so sorry this happened to your beloved daughter and you had to become one of us. Keep coming here for help and support as we are the only ones who truly know how you feel. I am so glad I found this website when I did! My one and only beloved son Gerrick was murdered 54 months ago and it feels like yesterday. My heart aches for him every moment and I love and miss him so so very much.
Love from Gerrick's mom, Diane
Kim, I am so sorry for your loss, no one but another mom is going to understand fully what you are going through. My Jr has been gone now 18 months and I relive that night everynight in my dreams I see his loving face and all his greatness, his laughter and his smile. I know this journey is not easy and right now you feel you can't go on, but unfortunately you will and so will everyone around you, I understand about how you felt about how everyone else around you are going on like it was nothing, but you know in your heart she was something she was your baby. As far as how you found out that was outrageous and I would honestly be talking to the television station and letting them know how you feel about there inconsiderate way of alerting the family about a child found murdered. I actually threatened my local station with a lawsuit if they ever used Jr's crime scene again for there news ad or to show how they were ontop of the news. So far we haven't seen it again on the news, we come from a very small town considering how large los angeles, or new york is I don't know where you are from but I would defintely be making some waves about how you are being treated. I am a very calm collected let everyone walk on you type of attitude but since Jr's death I am a full ********* get very angry at the way parents are treated through the media and the law end of a case. I have made it my job to make sure everyone knows there rights. And you need to be assuritive and do not derail from your job to find out what happened to your child and make sure the animals that did this pay.
I hate going out. Driving to work and seeing all the places that she would go and finding myself looking for her even though I know she is not there. Today I found myself begging God to let this be me in a coma and I have been having this 45 day dream and that I am going to wake up in a hospital room surrounded by my family and that she will be there and I will tell her that I did dream and that it was awful and I would hold her and never let her go. I know it seems silly, but I just want some way for this to not be real. At the grocery store I get sick. I see things that she liked and I have to force myself to the checkout to get out of there so I can fall apart in my car. I don't even know why I put on makeup for work, I cry it off before I even get there. I know she is safe with God but I am selfish and I want her back. I know that I have to fall back on my faith but I don't understand why this had t happen. Each day it feels like a knife has been plunged into my heart. I know ya'll know how I feel and I wish so badly that none of us had to be here. It is like my mind cannot fully comprehend that she is gone and that she is not coming back. How can that be? I watch the front door and imagine her walking in saying "Hi Mama, did anyone call for me?" as she makes her way to the office and then the bathroom. To hear her ask me if I think her puppy looks like she is wearing rollers when her ears are all flopped over. To have her ask me if she can just borrow five dollars to go get some criss cut fries from across the street. To have her play her cd she made for me while we are driving somewhere. To hear her tell me how excited she was that she was spinning for a big party on July 4. She was so excited about that job and she never got to do it. I miss her so much. Sometimes I feel like I am having a heart attack I miss her so bad. Our lives are filled with constant sorrow now. I miss her.
Dear Kim,there are no words to descibe what we are all going through here on this site,all i can say is we know how u are feeling,it is exactly the same for all of us,we just want to wake up and see our kids again.i visited yr daughters website today,and she was truly beautiful.how these animals can kill our kids is beyond me.please know that u are in my thoughts even tho i am in australia know that u and yr family and precious angel are in my prayers.love Deb(dwaynesmum) xoxox