Exactly 5 weeks ago, my son Ashton was shot and killed. He was 24 years old with a Birthday coming up in 3 weeks. This is indescribable pain! I lost my mother to cancer when I was 18. It hurt! Changed the course of my life! But nothing on this planet has broken me to the core like losing my son. My friends don’t understand. I make them uncomfortable how I grieve. The police have made no arrests. And I have other sons and a daughter to not only worry about, but they’re grieving too. Then a month later, my boyfriends mother passed away. Her funeral was exactly 4 weeks to the day we buried my son. (Today in fact) I’m overwhelmed. I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m paranoid. Not only was my son shot, but we got a call about the shots, my 20 year old son and I went to look for him and found him face down on the porch of a vacant house. Next door to where he was. I can’t get the vision out of my head. I tried pressure on the one bullet hole and chest compressions until help arrived. They got him back but he died 15 minutes after arriving at the hospital. How will I ever get through this?