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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)
Hello Susan. First, I am so sorry you were forced to join this group that no one should ever have to belong to. I'm so sorry your son was murdered. What you're feeling is normal for what you have experienced. I am sorry to see this board so quiet. Please know you can, and will, get comfort here from those who know what you're going through. I will check in here to see how you are. As far as advice, you can only take it one day/one moment at a time. I am so very sorry your son was murdered. My son was murdered in 2004. This website has helped me so much. Please take care of yourself. I know this is easier said than done at this point in time. The grief and sorrow can be unbearable.
Take care. My heart goes out to you. :-(
Thank you for replying to my post. I don't seem to feel much better, in fact every day is still a hard day for me. I too am sorry that your son was murdered. I find myself saying, who ever did this, why not just hurt him if they were angry, did they have to murder my son. My son fought on the front lines of the first Gulf War, and fought for our freedom. Why would someone kill him. I did not know the medals he was awarded until we were cleaning his things after his death. He never told anyone. He did not like war or what it made people do to each other.
I still cry every day, and it is difficult to force myself to function. I might have my laundry almost half caught up. Tomorrow is the first anniversary of my son's murder/death.
My husband and I are making plans to move away, once he retires, so many memories here, and they hurt so much.
Again thank you so much for replying, I really do appreciate it.
You're most welcome. I tapped out a long reply, but it said it contained spam.
Hence it did not post, not sure why.
Your son sounds like a wonderful man. Thanks to him for his service. You must be so proud of him, rightfully so. Remember, he is always with you, always.
I am glad you're moving, I did too.
Much love to you, I am so sorry...
Love & hugs,
Thank you for accepting me Ito lost a son to a murder in 2012 its not easy a child comes from us as mothers I have found it easy to keep his memory alive as for a comment to Susan think of positive things we as mothers of murdered children have good with the bad my son was only 28yrs old and I'm still waiting on justice no it won't bring my son back but at least he can rest in peace I have found that by keeping those memories alive helps a lot and it helps that we serve a awesome God if you want to talk e mail me I can't tell you it gets easier I was told it did but until then I my sons memories must live on I promise it helps or its helped me
sister, I feel you, my son was just killed may 1, I don't know what to do and don't have the money to get help. I am all alone and wish I had family. I DONT ,I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I FEEL WHAT YOU ARE FEELING , I CANT SLEEP EAT OR THINK STRAIGHT IT IS TERIBLE AND DONT KNWO WHERE TO TURN. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOUR IN MY PRAYERS LOVE LISA
I am sorry to see more people in our group but you have come to the right place as all the moms here know and feel what you are going through. Even though we all walk different paths we are on the same journey. It will be 7 years in 10 days our beautiful daughter Lisa was murdered and at times it feels like just yesterday but yet forever since I have seen her beautiful smile. All I can say is take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time and be patient with yourself and this person you now are is not and never going to be the same person before your child was murdered. Your life changes and you have to accept the changes and find people who will accept the new you and support you through whatever it is you need to do to survive. MOMS is a great place for that and even though it's a online group it was better than any other group/counseling because everyone here understands and feels your pain. It has been a long time Diane...how are you doing? Some of us moms have met in person and there is no feeling like the bond between the MOMS. The website I have attached is a facebook group: Shutup!I'm still greiving! where many of the moms from this website are members and can also provide you with support, comforting and understanding without judgement. Like Diane said I am sorry you are here but you have come to a good place. Laura
Thank you all for your replies. It has been since March 27, of this year, since their was five detectives standing in my living room, telling my husband and I our son was slaughtered with bullets. I still cry every day, and I have tried everything, but nothing really seems to make me feel better.
I have been talking to the detective handling my son's case. The states are over worked and not enough of them. So yesterday, I made a flyer with my son's picture on it, and we went around to different places and I was surprised most people put it up on the doors or windows of their business. Most were compassionate and congenial. My son is on crime stoppers where different people and businesses post a reward, so I am trying to keep it alive. There is so much crime, cases go cold easily. His biological father and brother went on with their lives, but then again they were not close to him. My husband and I don't seem to be able to do that.
I am also going to place an ad in the paper, actually two papers that are free and might go to the type of people who did this. I also visited one 12 step meeting outside before they went in. I will go to more with my flyer. It is a simple flyer with a picture of my son, and asking for information and for them to call the detective or crime stoppers.
It is a small thing I suppose in the scheme of things to do, and perhaps it will not yield any results, but I will keep trying. I have also thought of trying to fund a small scholarship memorial in his name to keep his name alive so people do not forget his murder is not solved and a butcher is free to murder again. We do not have a lot of money, but I remember when my beautiful son was getting ready for college, that their were small scholarships such as $100 and $200, you could apply for. I would like to do it for a children's Christian elementary school, because he wanted to send his step daughter there. He was in the process of fighting for visitation with his step daughter when he was murdered. His 26 year old wife died of liver failure on August 5, 2013. He never got over her death.
To everyone who has replied to my posts, thank you so much. My heart bleeds for each and every one of you, as I try hard to keep my faith, which is sometimes shaken. I miss my son so much. I do believe you are right about one thing. I will never me the same person again. I am not interested in the things I used to be interested in. I believe it changes the essence of who you were, for part of me died when my son took his last breath.
Thank you again to everyone who has replied, and I will keep checking back.
I'm so sorry to read about your pain. I know all too well about the pain of losing a son. I lost my first-born son in 2011. It takes a long time, a very long time to heal. I'm still in the process. It's even worse when no one has been brought to justice for his murder. I had to move, it helped some. But, now I miss my family and friends. It's a vicious cycle. I constantly ask when will this violence against each other stop? But, it continues, day after day. When I first logged on to this message board I had to stop and regroup myself. I have to log off now. The pain is just tremendous. But I will return. I think it will help me in the long run.
Well it was two months two days ago since my beautiful son was brutally murdered. What husband and I have done the past couple weeks was to put out flyers in the area where he was murdered. I do not know if it will make a difference in finding his killer or not.
My son and I were extremely close and I do not seem to feel really that much better. Evening seem to be worse, I guess you get tired towards evening and your defenses against breaking down are diminished.
I know it will change me forever. I used to be a bleeding heart, people pleasing person before my son was taken violently. I just always thought I had to fix everything for everyone. Now I can't even fix myself, so I am no longer the person I used to be.
Every day is a struggle for me. I know nothing will ever bring him back, but if his murderer is bought to justice, then perhaps I can spare one person from going through what his step father and I are going through. Because I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
The area is small around where he was murdered, so where we left the flyers is buzzing with talk. But whether it will end with an arrest I am not sure.
The area my son was murdered is not a nice area. Grief is a strange thing, it over whelms you. I found myself asking people going into this convenience store that was so filthy, I am surprised they allowed them to sell groceries. I started asking them if they lived in this trailer park where my son was murdered and then started asking them questions. My husband says I scare him, because the grief makes me feel no fear.
But somehow it is the only thing that made me do something besides sit and stare into space like I do at home. I am 65 years old and only four foot eleven, and my husband said I seemed to scare people twice my size. I am also very thin. It is the grief, it just makes you feel no fear, it is so over whelming and so severe.
The detective that is handing his murder is very good and very compassionate. Unfortunately he had a death in his daily and has been on vacation this whole week, so I was doing something with his permission that he wasn't allowed to do. A flyer with my son's picture on it is all over that area. Now it's whether someone has enough courage to call crime stoppers. We will see I guess. Never thought the last journey of my life would be like this, it's like everything is just murky. The fog you hear about has to keep returning for me to be able to survive. I wonder if it ever improves. Thank all of you for your replies. - Susan