Your response was a almost perfect image of what I see when I look in the mirror everyday. I find you amazingly strong at the same time in despair. Its hard to describe it but you do this well.. You may not be as weak as I am but if you ever want to talk about these feelings I am here to listen. I realized how kindly frustrated people can become listening to the tiring information about my son's death and have since silenced it. I have accepted that this is my pain alone and must bare it that way. Dawn you mentioned that you would have liked to have met my son and that is beautiful. However, my son would have liked to have met you believe it or not. He loved and respected me as a woman, a friend and a mother. Therefore, he always spoke to and became friendly with any woman. My son wanted other women to be happy and feel good about themselves. If he ever seen a sad or insecure woman he would be first to greet them with a smile and reassure them all women are beautiful. He was amazing when I would watch him do that. Dawn my son Lashawn left behind many memories of himself like he knew that it would be needed some how. Fortunately, I am in possession of most of his writings, songs, videos and journals. He wrote endlessly about the world and how he feels. Lashawn created music from scratch by hand note by note he wrote, produced and rhymed. I have not read through nearly any of it for the fear of realizing how much I didn't listen to while he was here. Still unable to face his living pain. I appreciate that young man more than any other man I ever met in my life. However, never knew that to be true while he was here. Unlike you, I have no one I mean no one but the two sons I have left. That scares me but not more than who my children had which was basically no one. Moreover, the decisions I made in my life caused this before as well as now. My two living son's are always afraid and I would be to at their age and exposure. I tell you Dawn you are a very remarkable woman with level of depth in perception unmatched. I can appreciate your guilt because that was your son. Many people would say to me that it wasn't my fault, I wasn't there and couldn't have known. However, that is unacceptable. That is my son who i raised to be the man who was. And that is the Truth. Call, text or email me anytime