My daughter Maddie was only 19 when she was murdered in her apartment just over a year ago. I suspect that you understand when I say what a lonely place this is to be. I was the one who knew her so well and loved being with her, and who looked forward to many years of laughing together. I knew that our lives would be intertwined for as long as I was alive. So much as been lost with this terrible act of an angry young man. How do you go on having lost so much? How do you find a reason to want to go on? We have just finished the preliminary hearing and I am struggling to find a reason to keep fighting to survive this.
I am terribly sorry to hear about your daughter. Every mother on this site wishes they were the last to have to go through the murder of a child. And yet such horrors continue... My son, Tim, was murdered in June 2012. It has been such a loss - as I am sure you know - not only did I lose my son, but also the dreams of a future daughter-in-law and grandchildren. So much is lost.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about my son. The trial is still ahead of us. I am dreading it - I have only been able to stomach the details of his murder in bits and pieces. I know there are many details I don't know, but will be forced to face when the trial approaches/occurs.
I wish I had great words of wisdom. I don't. I can say the pain will change. In some ways it will get easier. But mostly it just changes. You change. You will survive. I am still early in this process, so I don't know what will happen over time. All I can do is send prayers your way. If you are faithful, you will find that God is your greatest source of support.
Thank you for your kind words of hope. We are at about the same stage of this so I know how hard this must be for you too. I hope you have lots of support as you go through the trial - once the legal stuff starts, it can get very hard. Do you know yet when the trial will begin?
I too grieve every day for the future I lost when Maddie was killed. So many times I have imagined sitting in a cafe somewhere with Maddie in her 30's laughing about her teenaged antics. So many times I have imagine helping her with her children. So I understand your feelings of loss about your son.
I wish for you only the best as you go through this. I wish for both us the capacity to learn to live with this loss.
All the best,