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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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Re: Hey Moms

Please say you're kidding!
It might be that some are comforted but don't know how to respond or just can't...give and get support here! Well since I was told 6 mos into my journey by my therapist who is not my 'friend', mothers in our situation can't do this wrong. Every day we get up we begin again to try and accept the unacceptable. We are doing it as right as we can

When support or comfort are given with expectations,it kind of takes some of the kindness or empathy away ...when given with an open heart the comfort we may give another will be enough. When Chris was murdered I vowed to him I would not let this ruin me.
One way I have found I can keep my heart open is with the hope I may say something another Mom might need to hear or read to help her carry this pain. Or anyone else who would benefit
If all you are able to do is drop in and see your not alone I personally think that is more than enough.

When I stumbled upon this website 4 yrs ago I had hopes of building relationships with some of the moms but never felt connected because Chris's killer was his father...many of my posts went unanswered and that hurt back then. Now I understand that wasn't personal.
I'm stronger now and work hard to forgive where I can, starting with myself. I also work on being non-judgmental as our children were judged so horrifically by their killers. My intention is to be the opposite of that kind of energy...and to help others who suffer when I can and if I can't help, let me do no harm.

Posts like this from you now are what turned me away. Is that your intention? To make moms feel like they are doing something wrong? I don't think so...you like me are trying the best we can to live with this kind of grief.
We all are.
I'm so sorry any of us had to find this site but I know how it felt to see I wasn't alone, good and bad.

well I guess I will go mindfully meditate on this...I told you guys a long time ago how Mindfulness has helped me. Might help you as well...it won't take the pain away but it will teach you how to hold it, you can Google it. If you have insurance it might cover it, mine did for my first 8 week workshop. My next 4 were gifted to me by my teacher. Self compassion is good too. We have been hurt more than most and should honor the strength we share as we walk this path with lovingkindness for ourselves, then others.

I only want to help because I know what's it like to feel you will never be able to feel joy.You will with appreciation as it's right next to the pain.
Sympathetic joy...joy because another feels joy, even when you are in pain.

So enough BLAH BLAH BLAH from me
love you ladies and I LOVE YOU CHRIS

Re: Hey Moms

Dawn, I am glad to hear that you feel that this site has helped you. I guess I am just missing the closeness that myself and other Mom's had when we were all on this site. There were even many nights that we would all be in the chat room and for me it was a lifesaver to know and become friends with other Moms who understand this kind of pain.

In answer to your question I live in NC so am not sure what might be available to you but probably if you got in touch with victims services in your area they might be able to point you in the right direction.

Feel free to email me any time you feel like talking.

Hugs,
Darien

Re: Hey Moms

I must agree Darien when we first came on the moms board there wasn't a day that went by that I did check it to see how everyone was doing and now I rarely do check it as there are days even weeks without a posting. I never thought we would all drift so far apart like this. I know facebook is partially responsible for that but that site too can hurt you when people get more comments about what's in the stomach rather that what's in your heart :(....Lois I think we have all felt slighted at one time or another and try to find a reason why this is but I think it is what it is and yes we must be more accepting and not judge why one did or didn't respond to a post. That can be hard when you open your heart, without any expectations, to help another mom is pain and your child is not even acknowledged. That would be the one expectations I would have and I don't think that is being unreasonable for one to say at least one comment about your murdered child. Nor do I think it is being judgemental. I have made many videos and kimis, etc. in hopes to help heal my own pain as well as the other moms and have their child's memory live on but it is very hurtful when your not even asked about your child or their name is ever mentioned. That is one of the most painful things "other" people do on a daily basis cuz we wouldn't want to the mention their name but when it is done by another mother that hurts....I 'm just sayin'.....And I think what Darien is saying that we just don't come here enough anymore and that is sad. Laura---Lisa's Mom

Re: Hey Moms

I agree with both Darien and Laura there were several of us moms that seemed to be here every day to support each other but it seems one by one we drifted away. I to agree that the fb pages have a lot to do with that. As for myself when I didn't answer a post it was because I just didn't know what to say. Yes believe it or not there are times when I don't know what to say. LOL But I will never forget my sister moms and I always keep you all in my heart and in my thoughts.
Love and Hugs
Jimmy's Mom

Re: Hey Moms

Thanks Laura and Shirley for understanding what I was trying to say. I too have been guilty of not coming on here much for the same reasons that you shared. For me facebook is too broad of an audience and I don't feel comfortable sharing all my deepest pain on there. I miss all "my" Moms and would love to talk to you all again.

Re: Hey Moms

“joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
― Kahlil Gibran

Re: Hey Moms

Hi Moms, Sorry I haven't been here much. I have been dealing with the anniversary of Keara's death which was April 5th. It was seven years and not an easy time. For some reason this year was one of the worst I've had. Who says it gets easier with time? It was hard also that some of the Moms that I was very close to did not acknowledge her angel day. I imagine I have been guilty of that myself without Laura's calendar.