Hi this is my second post I read but this hits the nail on the head,I was wondering if I was the only one who felt the way I do my son Ernest was murdered 10-2-06 and I find myself hiding and crying just like it was yesterday my feelings are people can be so uncaring like I should be over it by now those types of people I never wanna be in their presence if they have never lost a child they couldn't possibly know how I feel I have my good days then I have my days where I wanna go scream in the middle of the streets I am not asking for a hand out are anything else this is just how my heart feels I know on this site these mom's get what I'm saying no doubt I often sit and think what can I do to get my child back but I know it won't happen I don't want him to ever be forgotten when my other kids are over my house I say to them this is what it would be like if Ernest was here etc. I feel like they are the only one's who misses Ernest like I do because they were all raised in the home together but as far as outsiders I get the feeling that they think that I should just be over him he was my baby who I birthed and nourished up until he was murdered my oldest is 31yrs old and my youngest is 10yrs old we are all so close so Ernest was the 4th out of 7 kids we all miss him so much like I said I hide an breakdown and cry for Ernest a lot I don't want the other kids to worry about me because I have always been strong mom to them I also have an 18yr old with autism so I have to try and keep my mind together,but I am human it gets hard to do at time's I have not been on this site in a while but for my own peace of mind I will be coming back often there are so many mom's who feel like I do I am not alone in my pain,I just wanna say thank you to all mom's here god bless just getting my feelings out now helps a lot. Cheryl mom to ernest
Bobbie Darien is so right I do care too, it doesn't matter how long our children have been gone we never get over their death.
I totally agree, but I also have to deal with the way the trial went. The defense made it seem like it was randy's own fault. Like he was the bad guy attacking some poor homeless guy to rob him. They called him & Ellen homeless cause they closed down their apartment the day before to move back to Chicago they had money and alot of expensive electronic equipment & flat screen TVs packed in their cars. Let me tell you, that's how they play the courts just like rape victims, they make it turn around so the victim is the bad guy. They weren't allowed to tell how this POS had done this before, attacking nurses at the VA hospital with the same knife! It's all in how they paint it, the perception of the jury is all that counts, even the judge was shocked. I wish someone had warned me about how the system worked. The anger at the system is the hardest thing to get past.
I think this happens a lot the defence attorney did his best to make my son look like some sort of monster even called him a son of a ****** But in the end his client got 40 to life + 8 years,,,, guess the people on the jury didn't think my son was such a bad guy after all. But I did want to jump up and gouge that sob's eyes out.
Some of us will be going into the chat room on Sat. night.@ 7pm eastern time. I hope some of you will join us: old and new Moms alike.
Shirley- I am a new mom to this, my 26 year old son was shot at his job on Halloween-I think they stole $10 from him.
Your post really moved me. I guess all those people who don't understand are lucky, but they are lacking in empathy too. My son was very empathetic person, and I want to be like him. And when I read your note I felt like I was sitting right there with you. I wish I could hold your hand.
To Shirley and all of the MOMS who have responded to her. I must say that, in reading your posts, for the first time I have felt some relief, some acknowledgment, some understanding. My son was murdered earlier this year. In reading everyone's posts, I realize how common my feelings,confusion, frustration, anger, and sense of mistrust are. I originally posted on MOMS months ago, and am one of the guilty ones who did not return until tonight. I guess I was just trying too hard to move forward (as recommended by well-intentioned friends)and I was not very trusting. My son's murder was still under investigation. The killers' friends had tried "friending" me on facebook, and I just didn't trust any form of social media - didn't want to do/say anything that would jeopardize the investigation.
My son is also being "blamed" for his murder. I can't get over it. He never had an aggressive bone in his body. I am so frustrated by what the suspects are saying about him and how they have twisted the facts. And we can't say a **** word in defense because the investigators won't share information with us or have sworn us to secrecy on the bits of information they have shared. The suspects were indicted, but are released on bond while my son lies in the cold dark ground - alone.
My head is a muddled mess and I feel like I'm just going through life, but not "living" like I had been prior to his death. things have changed. I have changed.
The holidays are approaching (tomorrow is Thanksgiving) and I am at a loss. I thought I could manage better. But my sleepless nights and depressed state are telling me otherwise. I am surrounded by loving, caring people, yet feel so alone in my grief. Do any of you know of anything that can make this better? A ritual, prayer, etc?
I am glad you have come back to MOMS, it is a place where everyone understands the emotions we go through and no one judges us.
My son was murdered 12/16/07 like you I have my good days and my bad days YES I still have melt downs. People just can not even begin to understand the agony of loosing a child especially to murder. I too know people who think I should be over it, past it. We MOMS will never be Over it. We move forward but moving past our child's murder,,, after 5 years I am pretty sure I have moved as far as I am going to.