my story of my loses are horrific. Sept. 4 2010 I lost my son to gang violence. He was brutillay shot over an over again. They had the wrong child,house. It was mistaken identy. They later found who they were luking for an took his life. Sent me a message saying they were sorry they didnt mean to kill my boy. My son had graduated in june frm high school. An was waiting on his college papers. I recieve them 4days later. He had a 1yr old daughter. That was in the room wit her daddy when He was killed. My life stop. Then 15mths later Dec. 18 I recieve another call saying my daughter was in a car reck an left dead on the ground. When I got to the scene it was true. 4 people involed one dead two hurt badly. An the driver gone. This is me an my gurls bday mnth. I have two kids remaining. girl/boy. IM NOT DOING TO WELL. AN REALLY DNT KNW HOW OR WEA TO START.I check myslf into the crazy hse. An im still lost.Im getting justice for my daughter but not my son yet. I feel like im having a sick dream. Somebdy please wake me up.
Celeste, I am so sorry about the loss of both your son and daughter. I can't even imagine how horrible that would be.I wish I could wake you up from this nightmare but unfortunately I can't. What I can do is offer you my support.My daughter was murdered 6 1/2 years ago by her boyfriend. She had two children who now live with ther Dad. The pain doesn't go away but in time I have found that I can function a little better. If you would like to talk by phone send me your number and I will call you or I can send u mine. I want to encourage you to contnue to post on this site because the Moms here can understand what you are going through at least to some degree. I am sending you hugs and love.
Iwant to Thnk U for taking time out to even read my story. I see that u have been going for 6 1/2yrs. I cant even amagin going that long. Waking up to this pain. Im praying that God really carry me threw an ease sum of this pain. U wud think that im in my healing process two yrs later. But here I am going threw it again. Im emotioned out. Im numb from the crown of my head to the soul of my feet. An maybe talking to others will help me threw this second round of misery. I dnt have a phne rite na. But I do have a facebook an a email. GOD BLESS ALL THE MOTHERS
Celest I too am so very sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagin loosing both of my children. It's going on 5 years since my youngest son was murdered the pain has softened but I know it will never go away.
Hugs Jim's Mom
If you are like me, when people start to try express their sympathies, they fumble around, and finally get something out, usually an old cliche like "I'm sorry for your loss." To which I reply some sort of thank you....But I want to scream "No your not, you would like to be sorry, but unless you have lost your child you can't understand and therefore your words are polite but meaningless." I really don't want to even talk about it because there is nothing anyone can do - she is dead - unless they can offer me justice. And therein is the joke; in and of itself. When the police do nothing, nothing gets done, and if nothing gets done, I can't heal.
I hope your heart finds peace, I personally live on my hate - or else there would be nothing.
thk u also. Idnt really knw how to feel. Im hurt,angry,sadd,empty,loss,scared,confuse,An cant stop asking Y... I try to live like it neva happen. But the love I shared wit my kids plays itself over an over again. My kids were my life. I grew up wit my children as a young mother.An we were so close. An i truly believe that the devil knew that this is the only way to destroy me. I cry in my sleep. Waking up wit dry tears on my face. Sumtimes I jus want to give up an die. Than to wake up wit this pain i carry round every day. All day. Loosing two was a real low blow. An i dnt knw how to even live daily. Im neva gne get pass this. No matter wat I do. Or were I go. Ive isolated myself away frm the world. Hoping to never to be botherd. How do i even start. Iwant my kids bak. They didnt deserve to die. God shudda tuk me. Atleast the kids cudda grew up together. Im dying slowly on the inside. PAIN PAIN AN MORE PAIN.......
I've isolated also. Not by choice, but because there is no one left. I, too, will never get past this, there is no fooling myself. I hope one day to find myself involved with a domestic violence support group, where I might help someone else - I wish my daughter had had someone there to help her, and that she had accepted the help. Pain is all I know now, so when I read that you cry in your sleep, I said "Yes, me too." I try to go forward, then I am in the McDonald's drive thru and I break down crying and I can't even pinpoint why, just an overwhelming sense of sadness, of such a terrible loss. God bless you !! I saw this on a Christmas Tree ornament today: "When your love (for your children) becomes a memory, your memory becomes a Treasure." I don't know you, I didn't know your children, but I know your loss and I care. Hang in there and if you find something that works better than time, let me know ! Debra
I'm having a rough time as well. My son was murdered earlier this year. I could not imagine losing two children. Your pain must be overwhelming - I know there is nothing I can say to make it better or to move the healing process along. I am glad you're hanging in there - as hard as it is - for your other children.
There are counselors out there if you think you'd like to talk to someone who can help you - my victim advocate recommended contacting Hospice for free grief counseling. There is also a group called Parents of Murdered Children - they may have a group that meets near you - check online to see.
I just feel so horribly for you. I know I cannot take away the pain, but I will pray that your days get better and you can find some joy in time...
Hugs, Dawn (Tim's mom)
Hi Celeste I have not been on this site in so long your story was the first I read I cannot put in words on how sorry I am for the pain you have in your whole being, my son Ernest crayton was murdered 10-2-06 it was gang violence also he was shot a total of 9 times he was not involved in a gang at all I have lived in my neighborhood for 24 years and these guys were looking for someone to kill and they came across my son he was 3 days til his 19th birthday I will never get over losing him and at times I feel so helpless because I sit up and say what can I do to get him to come back to me but I know that is impossible I now find my self hiding and crying to myself not wanting anyone to see me I guess since it has been 6yrs people will say oh why are you still crying but if they have never lost a child they will never understand what we as mom's are going thru I have lost one child but to lose 2 would be the end of me I say I will never be whole again and at times I wanna scream because I have been bottling all of this hurt inside of me,my heart truly goes out to you please be strong and continue to come here and write and chat because it will help just talking with someone who is in your shoes,I did and it helped so much. Peace from my heart to yours,Cheryl
Hello Mothers I'm back jus to up date U.. My life hasn't change to much nor these feelings. I cry daily but not to much around family & friends.Im still confuse on this whole situation. I find myself still asking Y. God has been Blessing Me. I've enrolled into college. An taking life as it comes. I've found myself distance from my other two kids. They don't come around as much as needed. So i'm here alone fighting this battle alone. I miss my two children so bad. It's the little things that set Me back. I'm praying for justice for my son. I want to become an Activist on gang related crimes. I want to start a Joesph X. foundation. To help victoms of Mistaken Identity due to gang related crimes. Just gotta find help to get started. Or even a Seat Belt Activist... I gotta do something in my children's name. I want to Thank everyone who is supporting Me. As a single Mother is so hard not to jus throw in my towel an quit. But something within Me jus wont let Me. Here is my num for anyone who wants to help Me.. Time to take a stand. I'm ready to fight back an give it my all. Not jus in my town. All over the world. Thank Yahll an God Bless. A Mothers pain never Ends.941 538-2569
May God strengthen you and give you peace. May your son's killers be brought to justice and I hope you get some closure in this tragedy.
dear celeste, i'm new to this group. we've paid a terrible price to be part of this group, and you have paid double. It's beyond my ability to think how horrible this is for you. I've read your story from the beginning and the comments. the last post was a few months ago, and you had started college and had begun to fight against gang violence. you have a beautiful name and it sounds like you have a beautiful heart, too. In my heart I want to join with the others who pray for you and your two children who are still on earth for God's comfort moment by moment and for peace concerning the question of "why?" My son who was murdered was my only son. I have four beautiful daughters. Until this happened, I didn't know the depth of a mother's grief nor did I have any idea how terribly difficult it is for the siblings. If you don't mind my asking, what are the names of the children who are living in heaven, and what are the names of the children who still live on earth? I understand that there are two boys and two girls. I think there should be a group for the siblings, too, don't you?