WELCOME TO MOMS MESSAGEBOARD


This month's messageboard is sponsored by Bobbie Humphreys

in memory of her son Billy Lee Humphreys

Forum: WELCOME TO MOMS MESSAGEBOARD
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Having a problem - feeling guilty

I am having a huge problem visiting my sons grave... Somehow I think I have convinced myself that if I don't go there it won't be real... Anyone else face this same problem? I feel terribly guilty. I have been there - just can't lately... Maybe it is because I want him back so much, maybe it is because it is easier to pretend he is gone on vacation and will be coming back, maybe I am trying to hard to be 'normal' that I don't want to face the reality of my life. I know he would understand. I can almost hear him saying, "It's okay mom." Hurting :(

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Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

Hi Michele, Keara has been gone for almost 6 years and I hardly ever go to her grave. It just upsets me too much and I really don't think she's there. She was cremated and myself and my other three children have urns with her ashes and one is buried at the cemetary.I believe David knows that you think about hum all the time so try not to feel guilty.

Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

Hi Michelle
I really can't say about visiting the grave I had My Jim cremated and have his urn here at home with me. The thing is no matter if they are buried or in an urn on a table or shelf they are always with us. We hold them in our hearts and I do believe they know how much we love and miss them. It just might take you some time and you shouldn't feel guilty I know David understands and knows how much you love and miss him.
Hugs Jim's Mom
Shirley

Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

Hi Michelle. I understand exactly how you feel. Brandy is buried in the family cemetary behind my daddy's house and it is hard for me to go. If it was for my granddaughter I wouldn't go as much as I do. Every time we are in a store, she finds stuff she wants to place at her mothers and fathers graves. I feel David understands just as I feel Brandy understands how hard it is for me. Brandy used to go with me to my mothers grave and she knew how hard it was on me. Maybe after you go to court and they sentence the young man that did this to David it will get a little easier. That way you can tell David what they did and also tell him how much you miss him. There are no words to make you feel better I know. I was finally able to google your son so I would know where you are from. Sending my love to you and hoping it gets a little easier. (((HUGS)))

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Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

I understand how you feel on that,I feel guilty too..but I go when Im really having a bad day,and it seems to help me get my thoughts together.its so sad that we as mothers have to do this,its not fair.willie had lots of friends and they always go to his grave site and take pictures and post them on facebook,that use to bother me,but now I know its cause they love him and its part of there healing process..if its hard for you to go,don't feel guilty,do what makes you feel better..

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Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

Michael...I know how you feel. At First, I use to go to the cemetery all of the time and after awhile it got too much for me. I felt guilty, but after a long time, I could go again. I think that it is another thing that we have to go through to help heal. I have bad health and can't go to the cemetery like I would like. I have family and friends that go and polish the marker,etc.. That makes me feel a lot better. Give this time to yourself as David is with you and in your heart....Lovingly, Sherry J. Swafford

Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

I understand...I have a difficult time going to my beautiful daughter's grave. It makes me cry too much. She was killed by her soon to be ex boyfriend who then killed himself. Cowardly slime. She was beautiful 19 years old and starting her 2nd year of university. His parents never even acknowledged what their son did to my daughter. My ex husband never calls me to see how I'm doing. I can't even go into my baby's room because all her things still smell like her perfume. Scoundrels have actually robbed things off her grave along with the bronze flower vase. I don't understand how people can be so cruel. I hurt every day. Last night I dreamed I was holding her baby (which will never happen now). She looked just like her mommy and I was hugging her and kissing her and telling her that. I understand your pain. I just wish it would go away for everyone who is dealing with this.

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Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

Christine - and I thought my sons killer was a coward - that is horrible! awful! I am so sorry! My son was 18 and working for our family business hoping to take it over some day. His roommate shot him in the back (coward) than pled no contest at the pre-trial so that he does not have to talk to anyone about what happened (double-coward!). I wish I had a wand that could move time back - or something that would take all of our pain away and bring all of our children back to us! I so wish that.... Much love...

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Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

I feel the same I feel your speaking my own words....it is unreal but it is true I do feel the very same my only child was murdered and I dont like visiting his grave but then the guilt eats away at me and makes me ill....:( Lorraine K. xxx

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Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

Thank you so much for the note this morning. I have not been on this board in quite some time. He is always on my mind, but lately more than ever. I go to his grave more now - though I have not been able to see him for a few months now as the snow here in Michigan has been too deep to even get into the graveyard. That has made it hard. I have found comfort (or some semblance of it) it going to see him and talk and cry (bawl is more like it) on those days that are so terribly hard. Love to all the moms out there who have had a child taken from them way to soon by the hands of another. It is not fair what we have to go through, and that we are left here on earth without them.

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Re: Having a problem - feeling guilty

Michele first off I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Son Danny to a horrific murder..
Although I'm able to visit his grave i find it very hard to listen to music because it reminds me of him.
I used to see him walking down the street. For a good year everyyoung
Wel dressed man looked like Danny. Wow. When i think about it i get chills
I hate the fact that i have to visit my only child at a cemetary but i can go sit on the lawn
And just talk on and on and on.
I Pray that you , in your own way , on your own time your able to visit his grave.
God Bless

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