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Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

Thanks, Michelle. I have a friend who is checking into a support group for Dale. She was told they have a camp for the kids to go to also where they are around kids in the same situation. We have an in memory page on facebook for my daughter and some of her friends and family post on there how much they miss her and all. My granddaughter sees this page sometimes and my niece posted that everyone needed to post happy things not unhappy things due to that fact. She upset me for one she doesn't live here and two she isn't a dr. She acts like she knows more than Dale's dr., who said we all needed to let Dale know we were grieving right along with her. We were told if she didn't see us grieving she would think we didn't care about her mama. We were told this after the dr. talked with Dale. I hope your 12 yr. daughter opens up to you or someone. It sounds like she is blocking everything out which is not good. I am still searching for a online support group for Dale but have not found one that I like yet. My youngest daughter said she thought she was going to have to come over and say something to her dad because he has been acting like he has. Someone else told me because of the stroke his mind might not be accepting Brandy's death. I really don't know, I just know he acts like it hasn't bothered him. Sending my love to everyone on this website...Sherry

Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

Sherry, today is our one month angel day for our children; even though it felt like last Wednesday. My thoughts are so with you today and will always be. That is hard when someone is acting like that. Concerned, ok - pushy to that point, not acceptable in my opinion. Listen to the doctors, they are professionals - listen to your friends and the people that love you too, just balance the two. I know that we have relied alot on friends - who I am sure are sick of us about now - and it has helped tremendously if for nothing else than a 3rd party opinion. I hope that you can get your granddaughter the help that she needs. I don't understand the advice though telling you not to cry in front of her. I am NO professional, and don't know a whole lot about this subject, but my gut feeling (and the way it has been around here) is that you can't hide your grief from the children. 1 - I don't think it is healthy for them to be denied the shared experience and comfort of knowing that everyone is feeling the same way and it is ok. But, I have also had days and times in which I wanted to make sure that my 12 year old is not here in the house and gets out with a good friend or two to try and have some kid fun and get out of the depressing environment. I really don't know if this has harmed or hindered her in any way - or if that is why she is behaving the way she is - or maybe that attitude is simply one of a pre-teen going on 35! I am rambling, I am sorry. Does Dale have any good friends whose parents you trust that might like to take her for a couple hours to do something fun and supervised? Is she talking to her friends or friends parents? I have found that my daughters (Alicia) friends and parents have been a large support system - they are all watching out for her, as is everyone at school, and they have contacted me if there is something they are concerned about or just to touch base. Utilize those resources if you can - it will also give you time to breathe!

Much love, Michelle

Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

I am so very sorry about the loss of your beautiful daughter brandy. I lost my daughter also she was 27 she was also shot. She was shot 3 times twice in the face in front of her 2 children. Sherry I will not tell you how to handle this horrific loss but I will tell you that I too asked for my daughter to be ok I prayed also but I too buried my first born and only daughter. I will tell you that the Lord did help me realize one day that what the father of my daughters children did to her was something that she would not of survived. He took her face and there was total evulsion of the brain meaning the 30/30 bullets destroyed her brain. When I realized that then I knew God took her because it was best for my child! The Lord even appeared before me one day when I went to her home after she was killed he allowed me to see a vision of him holding her with a tear rolling down his left cheek he was holding my daughter. I only tell you this because I know how you feel and I want you to be be receptive when the Lord is ready to help you to understand everything. Please know I am only saying this because without the Lords help I would not of been mentally able to raise my daughters two children. We as parents to our Grandchildren have a great task ahead of us and that task takes alot of strength and understanding. I vowed that the animal that killed my Daughter would NOT destroy the rest of my family including her children. This helped me to get tuff and get the children help to get through what they witnessed. Please know you can contact me anytime and I will listen. My e-mail address is ellerbcj@skybest.com I am here for you if you ever need it !
Thoughts, Love and Prayers Cindy Monica's Mom Monica Martin her picture is on this sight.

Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

I have been through all of this with my grandchildren after they saw their mother murdered. It is soooo stressful getting them through this and you do not have time to mourn your daughter. Everything that is happening with her the vommiting, the fear of loosing you, the calls to pick them up, everything. I promise as soon as she is comfortable that you are not going anywhere her fear will subside. this is a long process but my grandchildren are still hurting but they are doing soo well. It will be 9 years April 27th and the road has been soooo rough but now we are at a point where we are a family who helps each other on bad days. Sending you Love and prayers.

Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

There is a camp called Comfort Zone. It is wonderful. My grandchildren have gone for 5 years and they always get so much out of it.

Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

Sherri - just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going... I know it is rough... As we share the same horrible day in our history - i wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts... Yesterday was our 2 month angel day - but today is 9 weeks.... How the calender can be cruel... Some days it seems like it happened yesterday - other days it seems as though it was years ago...

Love always... Michelle (David's mom)

Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

Michelle, I have been thinking of you and all the others but so much has been going on that I haven't any been on here. Let me see if I can bring you all at to date. Since I was last on the doctor has changed My granddaughter's adhd meds 3 times because they have seem to quit working. On Feb. 20th we went to court so that the young man that killed her could have a bond hearing. He is 17 yrs. old and when he killed her, he was listed as a ward of the state of Ga. but was a runaway because they were going to put him in a group home. His attorney had 8 out 13 people in court saying he wouldn't be a flight risk and trying to get him out on bond but under house arrest. The judge denied him a bond and he goes in front of the grand jury Mar. 19th. My granddaughter, Dale celebrated her 1st birthday without her mother on Mar. 2nd. This was one hard day to get through. The day before we took dale to the physchatrist and she told us Dale has oppositional defiant disorder. She now takes risperdone twice a day. This is really a name for bipolar to me. The doctor said they try not to label chilren with bipolar until they are 16 yrs. Dale has been having a lot of problems at school since her mama died. I am in the process of getting conseling same of Dale so that I can help her. I will try to let everyone know as things progress with her trial. Thank you all for listening yo me. I love you all.

Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

Sherry - I am so sorry that things are still so hard with your granddaughter. I was hoping that she was doing ok - but who can... I can really not imagine what she is going through losing her mom like that... It is very strange how the gods have linked us... both our children were taken on the same day and now I see that we both have major court dates on March 19! The Pre-trial for my sons killer is March 19 and the trial is due to start on April 11... It is strange how the world works... I will obviously be thinking of you on that day as I have every day... Be strong - life sucks - but right now I am so focused on making sure that he pays for what he did that it makes it just a tad easier to get through the day. Much love to you!!!

Re: Murder of Brandy 12-21-11

Yes Michelle it really is. I will be thinking of you that day also. I have been crying just about everyday this week and can't seem to stop. I am having to make some decisions about my marriage along with the other that is going on. I feel like I am going crazy. My husband keeps accusing me of having a boyfriend because I get on the computer. Our youngest daughter and her husband took a trip to Indiana this week and I have been trying to stay in contact with her over facebook. Sometimes I wish I could just get away from everything for a few days too. If it wouldn't be so traumatic for Dale, I would leave her with my daughter for a couple of days and go stay with some friends. As it is whenever she goes to catch the bus in the mornings she always begs me not to leave her. Praying things get better for all of us soon.