Shirley, I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words to begin to describe the pain. My daughter Keara was beaten, strangled and stabbed nine times accross the neck by her boyfriend, She was the mother of a 11 and 7 year old. I also warned begged and pleaded with her to get away from him but she like your daughter was kindhearted like your daughter. There was nothing that I could do and it ended up the way I feared it would. It has been 5 years and 9 months now. I wish I could tell you it gets better. I guess the only thing that is different is that I can function somewhat better. Please be kind to yourself and don't be hard on yourself. Everything you are thinking and feeling is normal. I am glad you found this site. We understand and will be here for you.
As I am very new to this "club," (unfortunately - but please don't take that the wrong way) I cant give you any insight on how to be feeling, as I am still numb the majority of the time - I am wondering if that will ever go away.
What I can say is that my heart goes out to you, I admire your strength and your courage to plod along. I hope I can follow your direction. I am so sorry that this common bond binds us (again don't take wrong) - I still can't come to grips with that. I want so badly to touch him, to hug him, to see him smile and his eyes light up - as I know you still feel for Channey.
I am not sure how any of us can go on - I am not understanding how the world can just move on like nothing happened; like our babies weren't taken from us when they weren't supposed to be. All these children had so many plans for themselves - we had so many plans for us. The one that keeps ringing in my head is the ongoing "joke" David and I had. He would laugh and say, "Your getting up there mom, can't wait till I can put you in that old folks home! And remember, when you die I get this house!" I would then rib him back, something like, "Wrong - I am going to come live with you until I die so you can take care of me and then I'm giving the house to your brother and sister!" Even those precious memories hurt my soul. I know you, and all the other mothers out there have similar stories they can tell. It is just not fair that we have to go through this - I thought ALL my kids would be with me forever - I never in 10 million bad dreams thought anything like this would happen! I am not dealing with what is my reality now very well, and I know you are not either.
