It's been over 4 years since my oldest daughter was murdered. The case is still open. Today I took a shower. Don't remember the last time I did. I know that's disgusting, but it's the truth.
Started crying when I found this site and started reading. Wow. There ARE people out there that understand the pain and will listen. People say I'm hanging on to this and it's keeping others from going on. Can't help it. Still feels like yesterday!
I'm trying. I really am. Hey....I took a shower, didn't I? Progress.
I am so sorry your precious daughter was taken from you. My son was murdered almost 4 years ago, but the POS that murdered him is in prison for the rest of his life. I would be a crazy woman if the case was still open I very much understand your state of limbo. I say we don't hang on to our child's murder, I say it won't let us go. People just don't understand how it eats at us, all the what ifs and if onlys. I am glad you found MOMS and hope we can help ease the pain.
Margo...So sorry about your daughter and your pain. Our daughter and her babies were murdered twenty-five years ago, but seems like yesterday. She was so special. We saw her nearly every day of her life. She was so devoted to us. I understand your pain. Give yourself all of the time to grieve that you need. You are making progress....one step at a time. I am here for you and all of the other Moms. Tell me a little about your daughter when you feel like it...Lovingly, Sherry
I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. My son Chris was murdered by his father Dec 11th 2008 and it changed everything and continues to. I have become very familar with the words...they can't know. Well yes they can...but they are afraid and who can really blame them.
We haven't been given a choice it just IS and we are stuck with it...I try every day not to get stuck in the why's and all...it was just WRONG. It should have never happened but it did...Chris and all the other angels we are connected by had no choice either and that will always be.
But we have a choice now you know...it's not easy but we do...we choose how we go on with this pain in our hearts. Slowly and with Care...be kind to yourself.
Sorry I rattle, the ladies here know that but it's ok here.
Just know love is here and we know what you are going through.
I practice Mindfulness and they say when things get really bad,to remember others feel this too. We all suffer...and don't we moms know that too well.
Sending loving thoughts
I'm with Shirley: if my daughter's killer's case was still open after four years, I'd be a crazy woman... more so than I am NOW.
It's been only 10 months since my 22-y/o daughter Rachel was killed. Two months later, my mother died, and only with the help of my ex-husband was I able to take care of her end-of-life requirements (and I was mad as heck at my mom, too, for dying and interrupting my screaming and crying and wanting my daughter back), still in some gray fog. I still can't believe I got through that.
Recently on Nov. 29, Rachel's fiancé Andy lost his battle with cancer, so I feel like my daughter's killer killed HIM, TOO. The killer got a 20-year/all-suspended sentence, but was caught one week after the sentencing hearing violating his probation, and on Dec. 21, he was finally transferred to prison. I'd had some weird idea that him going to prison would somehow give me my daughter back....
Anyway, all of that was just to assure you, Margo, that I totally understand the shower thing. In medieval times, people took baths only once a year, so I'm not gonna feel too guilty about sometimes going five or six days without a shower (days on which I have nowhere to be and can just hide in my bed).
I am sorry for the loss of your daughter as well as the loss of so many new moms I see on the Moms site. We too lost a daughter to murder...Lisa Christine Maas and time does not heal our broken hearts anymore than justice or what they call justice brings back our loved ones but it is the best we will ever get in this lifetime and more than some like yourself Margo or moms like Randi have gotten for her son Mark. Those are the things some of us have to be grateful for but we are also grateful to have each other to be able to share our stories and vent our rages to. How sad it is for any of us to be here but remember we always have each other and NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND like that of a another "MOMS". As far as keeping others from going on well screw them...its been 3.5 years and I'm just as bitter as ever towards those who CHOSE not to try and understand our pain and grief and this nightmare we now call our life!
So very true Laura, I am also so greatful that the POS got as many years as he did because I see so many moms here who are only seeing sentences of a couple of years!!
Margo and Dana, I am so sorry to hear about the murder of your children. I am glad you found us but wish u didn't have to. My daughter Keara was murdered five years and almost 9 months ago. The pain is still so intense. I can also identify with the shower thing. I haven't had any work in awhile so all I do is lie around watching TV watching TV in my pajamas. We are all here for you and let's hope that somehow this New Year is better. Love yas, Darien
Darien, I'm so sorry about Keara and every child... pages and pages and pages of them here... whose mothers must somehow find a way to live in the aftermath of someone killing them. The pain is horrific, and I often wonder why God thought I would be one such person to bear it... as I, too, mostly sit in front of the TV in my pajamas, and find myself sobbing because the TV portrays an abundance of tragic deaths.... There's nowhere to hide; my head and heart are always with me, filled with my daughter.