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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

 

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how DO we keep going

I was wondering if anyone would like to share how things are, what they found that has helped, the things that can bring some joy. What we've held onto that pushes us through this pain so we can continue our lives knowing what we know.
I myself never thought of myself as strong...I do now.
There is so much sadness and pain here and new MOMS find their way here and we see the pain continue to grow in our world.
But I see so much strength and love here I just thought it would be nice to share how we manage
Lots of Love

Re: how DO we keep going

Lois...One of the main things that helped me was when my grandson was born the year after my daughter was murdered. He was a joy then, and twenty-three years later, is still a joy. He is so devoted to us and has told us many times that we are his life and he will always take care of us. Who gets a grandchild like that? He is so much like my daughter. When my daughter and grand-babies were murdered, we had business's. We had to work really hard. At the time, I was resentful of that. I just wanted to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. Looking back, I realize it was a blessing in disguise. It forced me to be around and meet a lot of people from all over the world. Another thing that helps is family. A lot of family members and friends didn't respond like we would like them to, but they can't possibly feel what we went through. If you have loving family members, hold them close, because it helps. Looking back, I wish that I had exercised more and ate more healthy. Seek counseling, talk to a supportive friend, do whatever it takes to heal yourself. Be kind to yourself, and for once, be selfish....Lovingly, Sherry

Re: how DO we keep going

Hi Sherry.
The weekend before He killed our son both he and Chris had joined my daughter on Kauai for 3 days. They met Ezra who was just 5mos for the 1st time. I still have the message Chris left me on my phone of his joy and awe of his sister's joy...I was always saving Chris's messages and now I have 9 messages all saying how much he loved me...I still can't listen to them, just a couple of times but he sounds like he's right here. I only saved Chris's messages no else's.
I call Ezra our cushion of love...having him come into our lives was so awesome and he was so needed to hold in my arms even when I really wasn't there.
Ez just turned 3 and he is such a sweet kind loving child. My daughter has been such a loving good mom in the midst of her suffering.. Ezra didn't deserve this kind of family legacy and he would have LOVED having an uncle such as Chris...
I am glad you have had Brenton to love and watch grow into such a good and kind young man. I think Ezra and I will have that kind of connection...I think the little ones can see our pain sometimes easier than adults and want to make us smile. my daughter is now pregnant with her 2nd...it feels different this time.
It's so sad that some of the best moments we can have will always feel incomplete in a way and that's what I'm trying to accept and probably will be trying to accept forever.
So I can continue the LOVE
I admire you Sherry,
Thank you for finding us, it helps me so much to hear all the love that comes from you and your heart that still holds this pain...you give me hope that I can continue and be present to love more and help others who know what it's like to feel as if there is no ground beneath you. It's a feeling I'll never forget...that moment when there is nothing else to hold onto...and I remember everyday that others feel this too and send out love to them all.
love
Lois
You asked about his injuries I wrote about it on Cynthia's post..i don't know if you saw

Re: how DO we keep going

Yes, Lois, I read about the injuries on your post. I am glad that you have such a wonderful and beautiful daughter and your grandson is bringing you so much joy. As you know, our grandson, brings us joy all of the time and he is twenty-three years old. Nothing really gets rid of the pain, but it does ease a bit. Thank you for your kind words. I hope that I can be of help a little bit as it has been twenty-five years, and we have had a lot of pain with our son, and it only compounds the pain of our daughter's death. It feels like we lost two children instead of one. After twenty-five years, my husband and I have had to endure so much more pain in our family; a daughter-in-law that hates us, her abuse of my grandchildren. It's unbelievable, but two sociopaths married into our family. Instead of our family enlarging, it got smaller and smaller. We are survivors, though, and are lucky we have each other. We have been married for fifty-four years. Lovingly, Sherry

Re: how DO we keep going


imikimi - sharing creativity
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, My Miss Sandra she really keeps me going.

Re: how DO we keep going

She is beautiful Shirley...I see your Jim. I'm so glad you have her. My grandson Ezra is quite a cushion of love...when I feel myself falling into the darkness...he helps alot.
That was kind of what I meant by the question, just telling other MOMS what has helped even just by a little because we haved lived with this kind of pain already and some are just beginning. We know what they will be facing even if we don't always know what to say.
Me, I pray, I meditate, I cry and I try to be kind to others because as I would tell my Chris "we don't know what's going on with that person next to us in line so give them a smile or a kind word, we might be the only touch of kindness they feel that day or they just might need that kindness more than we can ever know"...I think all of us have moved to the front of this line and I had no idea how this would be so true.
So I remember others suffer and hope I can help to ease their pain somewhat because I KNOW how it feels to feel the ground fall away.
Love you

Re: how DO we keep going

What a beautiful picture of Sandra. My grandchildren also help when I get to see them which unfortunately isn't too often. I think it would help to have my children and grandchildren live closer to me but all of them except Justin and Victoria live far away. It has been 5 1/2 years since Keara was murdered and I just have had to take one day at a time. It is hard and sometimes I just don't want to go on but I have no choice. I live alone with my animals and they help by providing unconditional love. The women here have helped also. Just to know that someone understands the nightmare that this is.