I was thinking of how some of the moms say they felt so bad the weeks or days or hours before our children's deaths.
Being as we lived in Hawaii Chris wore only surf shorts 99% of the time...I remember his skin...I see his chest and arms as I spent alot of time there. When I try to imagine Chris from head to tow, I see him like that beautiful, his skin glowing,breathing, my baby all grown.
Today I was thinking of some of the thoughts I had during Chris's last weeks. Some about how his pos father was acting but mostly about Chris.
When I listened to the cd with Chris's song True Love I remember wondering if I would ever dance with my boy or see him in a suit...I remember now and I'm wishing I would have caught those for what they seem to have been...warnings. I was wondering if any of you ladies had similar experiences.
Sometimes I feel like Chris is my invisible treasure that only I can see and sometimes it takes alot of love and effort to find him and then if I'm lucky I do.
I still don't see how that pos **** could have done this to Chris, someone so present and loving. But I see now that is exactly why he did it. Evil does not like good. I just wish he hadn't been able to hide how evil he truly was...some still don't see it but I'm sure it's more obvious now. He's probably blaming Chris for the loss of his left lower leg!!!sorry I'm just so glad that happened to him when he did it to himself. It seems to help when both my feet hit the floor every morning that I know he hates that his don't. Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou...like a little compensation for the hole he left in my heart and filled with this pain and guilt...he also didn't figure I would work so so hard to find some joy even if only a few moments and he didn't figure how strong Chris's love was and his love is still what keeps me going. And then of course there would be my beautiful daughter and my little buddy Ez who really LOVES his Grandma LoLo,
Things could have been so different....
Loving thoughts sent to you
Lois, I know what you mean...Several months before my daughter was murdered, I told her Dad, our Jill is aging quickly. She always had looked young for her age, so I thought this was odd...not once connecting it to her husband. He was putting her through hell, before he murdered her, telling her he didn't want the babies, had a girlfriend, abuse,etc. Also, our daughter had always wanted four children. She came in to our coffee shop one day, looked at me really serious, and said "These are going to be my only children." I said to her, "Oooh no, Jill!" She didn't answer me. Also, her face didn't look soft and pliable. It looked awful. Not once did we think that these isolated incidents added up to abuse. When she married her husband, it was like good marrying evil. He looked like a young 'Jimmy Stewart' and had this innocent baby face. He was a true sociopath and completely fooled us....You said that your son's father hurt his arm. How did he do that? My thoughts and prayers are with you....Lovingly, Sherry
Just a day or so befor my Tyrell was taken i had the worst nervious feeling like something just wasnt right and i remember praying that my family was ok and when that passed i let it go. well 2 days later he was in heaven, i cant shake how we as moms know before it happens.
Amazing we have these moments in time to look back on when we knew we felt something...we just didn't know. How could we? I'm trying to look at those moments as showing how just connected we all are...
I felt so bad for days before, the day I found out I had gone shopping to put together a trader joe pkg for my boy...I had gotten quite a bit when I heard Chris's voice..That's enough Mama, go home. A few hrs later my daughter shattered my heart with her rush of words..I heard him so clearly in the store. A couple nights later I was getting something from my car, locked it and walked up the hill all of a sudden my car alarm went off, lights flashing, horn goin off. I had to run back and stand directly in front of the keyhole to get it to stop. I seemed to know it was Chris and he was joyous...he was free. That was the feeling I had and have. I guess thats always helped in a way.
I'm so sorry. I think I can see how you have held your pain all these years, gently and lovingly.
I am so touched how those memories are still there and so easily brought back...I was kind of thinking they would be. I'm beginning to remember more of the good slowly but those are coming now
You asked about his injuries, well after he shot our son 8 times and then took him to throw over the 40 ft seacliff, the creep went home cleaned up the house, did laundry, went to the dump. He was seen there jovial just 12 0r so hrs after he murdered Chris. From there he took Chris's dog and went camping on the other side of the island as Chris's body was found naked at the water's edge.
The next morning after chris had been found and the police had been searching for him as a person of interest they found him. He had been in a single car crash medi-vaced to Oahu critically injured. From there he was in a drug induced coma for 2 wks.
he broke his back,ribs,broke a leg, smashed his skull open but made it.
It made his light sentence a little easier to handle when I found out he had his lower leg taken while in prison...hospital stay his whole sentence. That I know he misses. He was always unkind to the less fortunate and would humor in their situation. How he must hate this new look...it gives me small comfort
Thanks for asking
hope this day is a good one
love to you