Christa
I think the first year is the hardest, I have gotten past the terrible pain and shock, but after that for me nothing has gotten better so I guess this is it. I still have those memories of seeing my Jim in his casket, the image of him in the emergency room or laying on his neighbors front porch waiting for the ambulance. I still put on happy face and tell anyone that asks "I'm OK". When the truth is I'm not.
I just have this feeling that a part of My Jim is still here with me he was such a strong guy mind, body and soul. I have never been angry enough to want to kill anyone either never even wished someone dead.
Just know you are not alone
Hugs
Jim's mom