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Fall is in the air

My Crape Myrtle is blooming so that tells me Fall is soon to follow, this time of year depresses me guess cause it means winter will be here soon. December Christmas a time of year I use to love and now.......
I had Miss Sandra for the weekend took her home yesterday always makes me sad when I have to take her home. She so much reminds me of her dad, she had a physical for cheerleading the doctor told her she had very strong legs, the legs of a dancer. She told him well thats because my dad was a body builder. Funny she remembers so many things about her dad even though she was only 6 when he was murdered.
Jim's Mom

Re: Fall is in the air and my heart cries

I totally understand how you feel. My son was killed in Oct, we are coming up on 1 year. I still feel as if i am not walking on solid ground. But even more sad is i am starting to believe this is the truth. No one will wake me from this terrible dream. When i think of the process: receiving the call "they killed your son" yelling at me at 4am, to viewing his body, to finding a funeral home, seeing my son in a casket. Not realizing that that would be the last time i will NEVER see him again. I wish i would have slowed everything down. Just to touch him again. When he was at the medical examiners office. I kept calling his name, because i am sure he was there and heard me. I prayed SO hard for him to sit up and stick his tongue out at me with a smile on his face. I feel as if i am unraveling. My family is no longer complete. How long will i have to walk around with this look of, all is ok on my face when i am truly falling apart inside. There has been people in my life that i didnt like but never anyone that i would want to kill. What make one person hate another person so much. I have heard one the killers is in jail, not for the murder of my son. But for another crime, i am thinking of going to see him. Not sure if i am strong enough to sit across from this monster. Thanks for listening.

Re: Fall is in the air and my heart cries

I think the first year is the hardest, I have gotten past the terrible pain and shock, but after that for me nothing has gotten better so I guess this is it. I still have those memories of seeing my Jim in his casket, the image of him in the emergency room or laying on his neighbors front porch waiting for the ambulance. I still put on happy face and tell anyone that asks "I'm OK". When the truth is I'm not.
I just have this feeling that a part of My Jim is still here with me he was such a strong guy mind, body and soul. I have never been angry enough to want to kill anyone either never even wished someone dead.
Just know you are not alone
Jim's mom