My Crape Myrtle is blooming so that tells me Fall is soon to follow, this time of year depresses me guess cause it means winter will be here soon. December Christmas a time of year I use to love and now.......
I had Miss Sandra for the weekend took her home yesterday always makes me sad when I have to take her home. She so much reminds me of her dad, she had a physical for cheerleading the doctor told her she had very strong legs, the legs of a dancer. She told him well thats because my dad was a body builder. Funny she remembers so many things about her dad even though she was only 6 when he was murdered.
I totally understand how you feel. My son was killed in Oct, we are coming up on 1 year. I still feel as if i am not walking on solid ground. But even more sad is i am starting to believe this is the truth. No one will wake me from this terrible dream. When i think of the process: receiving the call "they killed your son" yelling at me at 4am, to viewing his body, to finding a funeral home, seeing my son in a casket. Not realizing that that would be the last time i will NEVER see him again. I wish i would have slowed everything down. Just to touch him again. When he was at the medical examiners office. I kept calling his name, because i am sure he was there and heard me. I prayed SO hard for him to sit up and stick his tongue out at me with a smile on his face. I feel as if i am unraveling. My family is no longer complete. How long will i have to walk around with this look of, all is ok on my face when i am truly falling apart inside. There has been people in my life that i didnt like but never anyone that i would want to kill. What make one person hate another person so much. I have heard one the killers is in jail, not for the murder of my son. But for another crime, i am thinking of going to see him. Not sure if i am strong enough to sit across from this monster. Thanks for listening.
I think the first year is the hardest, I have gotten past the terrible pain and shock, but after that for me nothing has gotten better so I guess this is it. I still have those memories of seeing my Jim in his casket, the image of him in the emergency room or laying on his neighbors front porch waiting for the ambulance. I still put on happy face and tell anyone that asks "I'm OK". When the truth is I'm not.
I just have this feeling that a part of My Jim is still here with me he was such a strong guy mind, body and soul. I have never been angry enough to want to kill anyone either never even wished someone dead.
Just know you are not alone