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M.O.M.S (Mothers of Murdered Sons/Daughters)

 

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Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Hello. My name is Sherry. My daughter and two unborn grandchildren were murdered about 25 years ago. I want to be here to help comfort and guide other mothers of murdered children like myself. I am looking forward to making your acquaintance =)

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Hi Sherry. My name is Darien and my daughter Keara was murdered 5 years ago and I am still very much grieving. It is so good of you to offer help to other MOMS. Thanks

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

hi. my daughter Laycee Grace was murdered by my ex boyfriend when she was one. its been over three years and it still feels so fresh sometimes. so sorry for your loss of your daugter and 2 grandchildren.

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Hi Sherry,
How kind you are to offer all of us support on this path many of us here are just beginning to walk. I can only admire how you have managed to hold this in your heart and still have the love in your heart to reach out to us.
My son Chris was shot 8 times by his father 3 yrs ago this december.
Your daughter and her unborn babies...I'm so sorry I know it had to be so very hard. I'm sad to say I'm pretty sure for you it still can seem like it was yesturday...that day so long ago. I think about that alot...time.
love

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Dear Darien...I am so sorry that I didn't get back to you right away, but I am just learning how to use the computer and had to wait until my grandson came to visit me to help me. I am so, so sorry about the death of your daughter Keara. Remember, there is no time limit on grieving. If you would like to, I would like to hear a little about your daughter. It has been twenty-five years since my daughter and unborn grandchildren were murdered, and it still feels surreal to my husband and I. We were very lucky to have each other as we didn't have support groups available, and we were the only ones who knew how it felt. Hope to hear from you soon, and I am very very sorry.

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

April...I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, but I am just learning how to use my computer and I had to wait until my grandson came up to help me. I have trouble with this new technology. I am so sorry about the death of your daughter Laycee Grace(What a beautiful name). It has been twenty-five years since the murder of my precious daughter Jill and my precious unborn grandchildren, Christopher Douglas and Caren Nicole. The babies weighed over five pounds each. If you feel free to, I would like to hear about your little girl. Again, so sorry for your loss. Hope to hear from you soon.

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Dear Lois: I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to respond to you. I am just learning how to use my computer. I am very much technically challenged in every way. I had to wait until my grandson came up to help me. I am so very sorry about your son, Chris's death. You are right, it has been twenty-five years since the death of our daughter Jill and our unborn grandchildren, but it seems like yesterday. Our daughter was eight and one half month pregnant with twins when she was murdered by her husband, who was a deputy sheriff. Their names were Christopher Douglas and Caren Nicole. How old was your son when he was murdered. I ache for your loss. It's a mother's worst nightmare. If you feel comfortable in talking about Chris, I would be most interested in hearing about him. I hope to hear from you soon and my prayers are with you.V

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Dear Sherry, I am so grateful for your kindness, I think you are the 1st to actually say I'd like to hear about your Cnris...of course it would be another who knows how welcome those words would be to hear. That is one of the many ways I miss Chris...no one talks about him, usually if I bring him up the subject changes...I'm talking family. But we have quite alot of dysfunction here...it was something we were trying to change but even Chris's murder could not bring most of them out of themselves but that is their choice...an example...my sister who has not once shown one oz. of empathy came up with this comment...she was talking to a lady who had lost her husband a few years ago...he died naturally. She actually said "and you couldn't even tell" this was directed to me indirectly of course. What she doesn't get is most can't see our pain either...she seems to think mine is for attention. She's not so nice....Life. I'm very grateful I have my daughter close...
I'd like to ask ,How are you doing?
It's hard to imagine what life will be like silently carrying this kind of pain for the last decades of life. I hope I am doing what you have done for us Sherry...reaching out to see if I can help someone hold this kind of pain because I know it so well it seems you have found what I am seeking.
Helping others and yourself in pain with lovingkindness and compassion because we also know what can happen when there is none.
My son Chris was one of the most loving, kind,exciting, happy,protecting,beautiful...too beautiful inside to accurately capture with words...truthful, strong,compassionate and present.
He was my best friend and remains the teacher of my heart. He would have never wanted this for us he only cared about my happiness...so I try. Chris was 27 yrs old when he was taken, 2 months shy of 28
Your Jill must have been close to that...I am so sorry for how you must have suffered back then You too seemed to be at a point in life for such good changes when this horror happened...I am so sorry for you and your family's pain. I remember in jr.high my best friends sister was beaten to death by her husband...it was just not talked about...we are very lucky for any support we can find now. I'm blessed I found a therapist who is an angel and has guided me through all of this pain...she says she learns from me.
can I ask you do you feel happy now...is the pain any easier...probably a silly question but You are the only one I can ask who would know what I mean...I think.
My son Chris was so much fun, full of life...so full of love...there is alot I'd like to tell you about him...I want to be just like him........I miss him.
There are some pics on facebook... his name was Chris Randrup...your grandson can help you (I'm learning too)or my page is Lois Randrup...I'll be happy to make you a friend.
Can I ask did you have other children...I worry about my Aly...
Thank you again...
loving thoughts sent to you

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Dear Lois: Thank you for your kind letter. Yes, your son Chris, and our daughter were close in age. Our daughter was twenty-five years old when she was murdered. She lived in Big Bear near us, so we were fortunate to see her nearly every day of her life. She adored us. I would like to give you some comfort, but don't think that I have any magical words to relieve your pain. All I have is my experience and a little wisdom. My husband and I are seventy-six years old, and there isn't a day goes by that we don't miss our Jill. The pain will ease a bit as time goes on, but you will always miss them. Everyone grieves differently, but on the day my daughter was murdered, I knew that to be able to survive this horrible thing that happened, I could not leave one stone un-turned. I knew that I would have to know everything...that to get over some of the pain, I would have to go through the worst: autopsies, the way she died, any information that I could get. My husband grieved in a different way...Letting his grief go everyday, sobbing, grieving privately, except with me. I know what you mean by family and friends not being there for you...and I came from a happy, functional childhood and family. Other people can't handle it, so they impart these words of wisdom (they think), when they don't have a clue of what they are talking about. Remember, you are the one grieving so you have to do what is right with you. Do everything in your power to heal: therapists, seek out friends you can trust, exercise, eating healthy,spiritual guidance, meditation, find your passion and do it. Do what is right for you...not what someone else tells you to do. If there is any questions you have for me, you can ask me anything. As for other children, we have a son. He was married for six months before our daughter was murdered. His awful wife used this opportunity to separate us...which finally happened two years ago. His son came to live with us when he was eighteen years old and has been a godsend to us. When you have time, I would like to hear more about the kind of young man your son Chris was. Lovingly....Sherry

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Hi Sherry...I'm really glad you found us...I've heard God will put angels before us...I think you may be another Angel on the Planet...I'm glad to be Friends, I saw a couple of your posts and laughed...I saw your grandson, he reminded me of Chris. It's so awesome you guys are close. Sometimes they get lost in the choas of this world but there are alot of very good people in the younger generations....I think about them alot. Can I ask when you grandson became aware of the pain you've held. My grandson Ezra was just 5 mos and had just been together w/his Uncle and grandfather for the 1st time...3 days later he shot Chris 8 times.....8...and then threw his naked body over a 50 ft seacliff on the Big Island and happily went camping...he was seen and descibed as in a good mood. Hawaii we were kept completely in the dark for fear of hurting a case they never had...his confession was taken in the hospital as he was coming out of drug induced coma and wouldn't hold up...Really. What is the 1st question asked in court for a ticket...have you taken any medication.
They came up with a plea deal just 10 months after. I was still in shock and it was over...2 years with time served he got out last Feb. They let him claim self-defense, the coroner's report said Chris was sitting or lying down...my poor boy...I can't even imagine his sorrow at what was happening if he even saw him coming, We never had guns in the house when we were together but he had recently bought 3 at a garage sale I found out later. He has shown no remorse but Chris was loved by so many and we all know who he was and that it was so wrong. He really was one of the special people...strong but kind...beautiful to look at but so humble...clear but respectful...I am so grateful to be his mom he loved me more than anyone had ever
I still feel his love,as soon as my feet hit the floor...I hear him say "it's okay Mama, we can do this, I'm here right beside you" he was my best friend, he'd hold my hand...come sit over by me Mama...he enjoyed loving..He was LOVE and I really miss him and am so sorry this happened to hom,,,see what happens...such sadness I feel it's strength. A few tears and I'm off
Sorry I think you'll know what I mean when I say I don't want Chris's death to define his life but it is still so hard...so I am going to be very Happy to sharesome of Chris's life as he was very happy with the things he had accomplished...He told me this just weeks before he was murdered...I've been happy Mom he told me......he told me alot. You see Chris's last year was filled with illness and a life changing injury so he had alot of time to reflect and we talked every day.
I've rambled again about me and my pain. I hope your daughter's killer is still in prison but the way these things seem to go the killer's get all the perks.
Thank you again about aking about Chris...I do have some great stories about that guy that I will love sharing and enjoy hearing some of yours
love sent

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Dear Lois: Thank you very much for your message. My grandson didn't know a lot about Jill until he came to live with us at the age of eighteen. My daughter-in-law wouldn't allow her name to be spoken of answer any of Brenton't questions. She was very abusive to Brenton and has broken up the family. My son chooses to believe and stand by her. Our grandson is so much like our daughter. He is a lot like Chris, kind, thoughtful, caring and adores us. It took me a long, long time to think of the good times with my daughter. It seems like the horror of it took over...that's all I could think about. She didn't die quick; she begged for her life. I really do believe that guardian angels come into our life. Our grandson helped us a lot. You are very fortunate to have your daughter. I think that daughters can greatly help one heal. How is she doing? I hope to hear from you soon....Lovingly....Sherry:)

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Hi Sherry
I am so very sorry for your loss 25 so very young and with babies on the way so tragic. It is so good of you to want to lend support to others walking the same path of pain.
I'm Shirley my son is Jimmy (Big Jim) about three quarters down on the index page is a post titled what my Jim loved to do if you would like to see him in action. This shows one side of My Jimmy, he loved life and lived it to the fullest I am so very grateful for that.
Hugs Jim's mom

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Good Morning Sherry,
I used to wonder what kind of girl my Chris would marry...I am really sorry you have had this extra burden in your journey...I'm sorry for your loss there as well.
I have recently read a book 'The Sociopath next Door', definitely not my usual kind of book, but I softened my purchase with 'Handbook for the Spirit'...the lady's expression...priceless.
I just kept running into this book and finally bought it. And I guess it didn't help when my therapist told me out of the 7 traits of a sociopath I only wavered on 1 for Chris's killer ...they only need 3.
I've mentioned 1 in 4 has no, absolutly no conscience, most do not kill but they live life with a very different code...not nice
I read this to try and understand how this monster could do what he did to his son who just loved everyone...and that is what he couldn't feel, love. Only for himself and not much there either. No love,no accountability, no remorse just some pathetic individual with no heart...I knew that. Page after page it just became clearer...he hated his son's strength,kindness and love. Chris had all he did not and instead of pride for Chris he chose to hate.


I bring this up because I plan to re-read it but this time with the regular sociopaths with deal with every day people, like my sister and your daughter in-law. They are all around us I'm afraid. People with no empathy or love and they don't think there is anything wrong with that...we're the dummies who care. And that's why we can't understand how they can do what they do...they just don't care. Scary.

I'm just so so sorry our children had to know them.
Sherry I am even more glad you have such a loving grandson ih Brenton, my grandson Ezra just turned 3 and has been a little cushion of love and his lil sister or brother is due May.
Ezra was born 100 yrs to the day of his great-grandfather b'date paternal. This baby is due last part of May...paternal killer g'father b'day May 23.
What a gift to his grandchildren.
Well that's enough of that on with the day...
Hope it's agood one for everyone
Love To you

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Sherry, You and I have something in common in that both of our daughters were murdered by someone they loved. Keara was murdered by her boyfriend. She had and two children who were 7 and 11 at the time. They have had to grow up without their Mom which has been so hard.
Darien/Keara's Mom

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Shirley...It was so good to hear from you. I am so sorry to hear about your son's death. If you have time or feel like it, I would like to know about Jim. You'll have to be patient with me as I am just learning how to use the computer and I don't know how to get to the index page to see your post. I'll have to wait until my grandson comes up to show me. I would appreciate anything you would like to share. Also, you may ask me any question. Hugs and Love to You.......

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Darien: I am so sorry about your daughter, Keara's death. What a terrible burden for your grandchildren. If you would like to share, I would like to hear a little about your daughter. It has been twenty-five years since our daughter and unborn grandchildren (she was eight and a half months pregnant) were murdered. It seems like yesterday. I had always assumed that bad things didn't happen to good people. I sort of had a fairy tale childhood so nothing ever prepared me for this. Of course, nothing can ever prepare one for murder. Bless you and hope to hear from you. Lovingly, Sherry.....

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Shirley..I just found the post about Jim...totally by mistake as this technology stuff is hard for me. He looked like a delightful son and so full of life and joy. So sorry.....

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Lois..I also read the book "The Sociopath Next Door." It is scary that there are more sociopaths out there than we realize. We only had two children, but they both married sociopaths. What are the chances for that? Our children came from a loving, normal childhood. For about twenty years, I had to buy and read non-fiction books about killers. I was always trying to figure out the "Why". I don't think we will ever have the answers because we are not sociopaths. I am so happy that you can find some joy in your grandson, Ezra. As I know very well, there is nothing like grandchildren. Our grandson, Brenton, brings us so much joy. Hope to hear from you soon. Love, Sherry.

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Sherry
Do you think by coming to this site it will stir up bad memories for you? We have had a lot of moms come here only for a little while and I wonder if it was just to hard for them to hear others stories. Most of the moms that where here when I first came a little over three years ago very seldom post anymore. We have a chat room, when it first got started it was full of moms almost every night it wasn't all tears and sad things, we laughed and had a great time, it seemed that was the only time we didn't feel guilty for laughing. Now the room is empty most of the time. I wonder if those other moms have moved on to a place I just can't seem to find.
Hugs Jim's Mom

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Shirley...Yes, this site does stir up bad memories. My husband was concerned about that..I agree with you. It was probably hard for the other mothers in the support group. At times, it becomes more than one can bear. Thank goodness, I have had my husband to grieve with and talk about Jill. As we got older it has become even harder for us growing old without her. We were so lucky to have had her in our lives. We saw her nearly every day of her life. She adored us. Remember, there is no time limit on grief.

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

I was wondering what kind of sentence Jill's husband recieved? Is he still in prison? Just wondering how the system worked for you 25 years ago. For me and My Jim justice was swift and the POS will spend the rest of his life in prison after the appeal is denied once again. But for a lot of the moms here it has taken years just to get to trial. Seems so unfair we keep getting this thrown at us, getting to trial with all the stall tatics from the defense then through the appeals. Just wonder how long it takes to finally get past the justice system and all the rights these murders have.
Hugs Jim's Mom

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

I hope that you found some justice but being he was a sheriff...hopefully he was held accountable.
I felt what you said how it's gotten harder as you've grown older...your Jill sounds alot like Chris. We too spoke everyday or saw each other. in fact we had never been apart as long as we had the almost 2 yrs before and he loved me alot and loved showing it. He was always telling me to come sit by him, putting his arm around me, holding my hand...telling or singing me I love you Mama...we definitely don't expect to grow old without them. Not like this.
So I am so sorry that has been what you have missed for so many years.
Like you say we were so blessed to have them for the time we did.
It does seem like your grandson Brenton has inherited your daughter's loving heart
love lois

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Shirley....We had to wait two years for the trial. There were sixteen pre-trials. We eventually got justice. He got seventy-five years to life....three life sentences. My daughter was over eight month's pregnant. The unborn babies weighed over 5 pounds each. We had a horrible judge, though. Thank goodness we had a great jury. After the verdict, all of the ones of the jury surrounded us and gave us hugs. I am so sorry for what other's go through, with all of the appeals, etc. How many years did your son's killer get? Was he a friend or related? Lovingly, Sherry

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Lois...Yes, we finally got justice. We had to wait two years before the trial. We had to go to sixteen pre-trials. We had a terrible judge. We felt that my ex-son-in-law got preferential treatment from him because he had been a deputy sheriff. We had a terrific jury, though. They gave him seventy-five years to life. My daughter was over eight month's pregnant and the babies weighted over five pounds each. After the verdict, the jury surrounded us and gave us hugs. It made me believe in the justice system a little, but we know that not everyone is so lucky. Jill was affectionate too. Since she was a little girl, all she ever wanted to be was a mother. She felt doubly blessed as she was carrying twins. My Dad was a twin. My sister gave birth to twins pre-maturely, but they died. Your Chris sounds so much like our precious Jill. May God Bless You and Be With You....Lovingly, Sherry

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

40 to life + 8 years, my son didn't even know this guy had never seen him before. The guys mother started the entire mess on a wed. night and they went to my son's house the following Sunday. He was shot point blank in the chest died I believe about 1 to 1 1/2 hours later. Trial started for us in June my Jim was murdered in December, the guy was sentenced and sent to prison the following Oct. We had tons of pre trials also some lasted for only 5 minutes but I was there for every one of them. I am glad your ex-son-in-law will be in prison for the rest of his life he definitely does not deserve a second chance.

Re: Here to lend support to other Mothers like me.

Shirley...So glad your son's killer got the sentence he got. These killers should never been released. Most of these killers are sociopaths and have no remorse. They can only have feelings for themselves. My son-in-law was on the Swat Team and had to dive into the lake and retrieve bodies. He once told me that a dead body doesn't feel any different than a live one....that gave me chills at the time, but still didn't think that he could murder my daughter. Three months before he murdered our daughter, he started burning their wedding gifts and even tried to burn her wedding gown and bible. I didn't know this until after she was murdered. She had told one of her best friends......I am so sorry about your son. We will never understand why these creeps kill.....Sherry