the other day i was shopping with my husband at the good wii i was tellinh him how when my kids were youn i would shop for clothse there for them for school i ended up finding my step daughter some cute little dresses anyways when we were driving home i said i sure hope lyndsey likes these of course it didnt take but a few seconds for the tears to start flowing but im glad i finely have some memories comming back to me.
Memories and pictures, they can make us smile and cry at the same time. For the longest time the only memories that came to me were memories of that horrible night, now though I see things or do things that bring good memories of My Jim. Still I wind up crying because I know I will never see him doing all the fun crazy things he use to do. But I also smile knowing My Jim loved life and lived it to the fullest I am glad for that.
Hugs Big Jim's Mom
Dear Lyndseys Mom
I can't even watch a commercial on tv where I don't see my son somewhere in it.Everything reminds me of him.Like oh Nicky would like that or I remember when he was that little or my mind starts to wander and I try to include him in it.The what ifs still creep up on me but when I try to suppress it I'm just left with a huge empty hole.So I will continue to include him in every thought no matter the situation,cause that is how I keep him alive in my heart.Here's to our children always remaining the first and last thing we think of each and every day.Love and God Bless
I went to the dmv ercently and it was like Chris was everywhere...I could see him standing at the counter, waiting in line...I was remembering his 'way' about him and he was always so nice in those situations...polite...smiling...acknowleging...he was so there. More there then I had seen for too long...I was remembering...it was so nice. Like Shirley said the horror of that"night or day" we all have,kind of takes over our hearts, our thoughts and our lives.
My thoughts of Chris's last moments took over and still do but I was told a few things recently that might help a little.
Forgive me if I seem blunt but what I was told was, what happened to Chris happened once and it quickly was over. Everytime I would continue trying to imagine what that night and moment was like for my boy I am right in the harshest part of my suffering and I'd do it to myself over and over. So for our children once and there is our PAIN big and huge...it's always going to be there but the suffering is different. That's when we go back to that night and relive it again, so we suffer alot.
If I can catch myself before I'm lost in the pain I say the words That was then and this is now. It reminds me I can't stay with these thoughts and I try to remember something beautiful about Chris instead of having his death overshadow his Love for life and his love for me.
He wanted us happy.........
Am I making any sense to you ladies, I mean well!
Perfect sense, when those memories start filling my mind I tell myself shake it off don't go there, sometimes it works sometimes not. What haunts me the most is knowing the last thing My Jim said was "Just don't let me die". Thats a hard one....
Hugs Jim's Mom
I'm sending you a BIG HUG Shirley and lots of Love. That is a hard one to hold.
And you are right, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.