Oh Gretchen these kids would have been dead a zillion times if my thoughts of what I would do to them became a reality.Nothing about pre trial or any nonsense leading up to the trial really has any effect on the trial,so I would, if I had to do it all over again, choose not to be present for every one of the dates or cancellations (which you don't find out about till you get there)It's too wearing and nothing is accomplished anyway.You might want to rethink going to the actual trial though cause I'm almost certain you can work with the DA and excuse yourself when it comes time for any graphic detail.As far as controlling your emotions during court which they say we must do, well I haven't been through that part yet my kids think I'm a time bomb waiting to happen.My son had alot of pot in his house when the murder took place and they will try to make him out to be this big drug dealer I'm sure.I KNEW WHO MY SON WAS AND WHAT HE WAS ABOUT,so they will try to tarnish his name but I KNOW THE TRUTH.When that part is occuring I hope the jury is thinking hmmm MURDERER VS WEED SELLER.There is no comparison.So who is looking worse to the jury? I pray I keep it together and that God is by my side guiding me.You must do whatever it takes to survive this though and if that means not attending then go with your gut feeling.The trial won't happen right away and you will have time to decide that later.Well off to court for second day of jury selection,hope it's better than yesterday.Only 7 picked,7 more to go.Hang in there Love and God Bless
Hi Gretchen...
every time I see a new Mom here it is so heartbreaking...we all know this path of incredible pain and challenges you have joined us on because of someone else's choice of taking your child's life.
When I was told of my son's death I lost complete bladder control,for 5 weeks I wore a diaper and wasn't sure if it would stop...it did until 10 months later as I faced my son's killer/father as he got away with murdering my son. Now I just feel like it might happen sometimes...it's a barometer of my pain along with the bouts of depression which are so painful but do go away...thankfully. Ironically no one understands that either...they think I do it to myself I think.
Barb is so right...somehow we go on...I call it Trying to accept the unacceptable...it's so hard. How do we accept what should never have happened...I too get up every day and end with Chris on my mind...I just miss him more and more...we say no one understands our pain and that's true...but I know my boy would have been most empathetic and it just makes me feel more alone at times.
But I continue to look for the goodness and love in life as I honor the gift of being his mom...I cry for him every day...I miss him so and that I will do for the rest of my life...my happiness was very important to him so I try......
I think you know what you need to know...I understand not wanting to be part of all the details...I chose not to see my son, I couldn't...I didn't think he'd want me to...I'm glad I made that choice.
The woulda,shouldas are hard but those thoughts lessen when you start to realise we weren't given the chance because of someone else's decision to take our child's life
I'm glad you found this sight there are many good ladies that share your pain and do understand
Love sent to you and your family
thanks lois, i am so glad i found this site and have you ladies to vent to, my husband tries but i really do believe it is different for the mother. thanks for your words of support. hugs to you.
thank you, im glad to know im not evil for feeling these things for another human being :) i hope things go better for you today in court, your in my prayers. hugs
