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Debbie Wiley – MOMS Founder 

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goin nuts

I am having such a terrible time lately. I miss Laycee so much. My heart is truly broken. It will be three years in may and it hurts just as bad today as when it happened. I miss her more and more as time goes by. It keeps going through my mind what Laycee Grace mustve been thinking and feeling in her last moments here. She must have been so scared. Im sure she wondered where I was and why i wasnt coming to her. And those bruises and swelling on her head it had to be painful. It is driving me mad. At times i feel like just giving up. Thank god for my two angels that are still here. Im having the nightmares again...waking up soaked in sweat. I hate this . Im so sorry to come on here rambling. I just need to vent and it seems when I lost my daughter I lost all my friends. Family doesnt even call anymore they havent in over two years. I am still stuck on the day my Laycee died and the rest of the world has seemed to have forgotten she was ever here. It really hurts. I think of her constantly. And the guilt is just eating me alive. Ive rambled enough. Thank you moms for always being here. xoxo

Re: goin nuts

I know how you feel I don't think it will ever matter how much time has passed we will always feel worse when our children's angel day is looming over us. I too think about what My Jim went through it eats at me knowing he knew he was going to die. I think of him laying in a fetal position on his neighbors porch waiting for the ambulance it makes me sick. Just know you are not alone we all are here for you and we all know what you are going through.
Sending bunches of Hugs
Jimmy's Mom

Re: goin nuts

Oh I know that feeling that awful feeling it is one of the things I most dread in my brain over and over again those last few moments, was he scared, did he know I loved him, them making him kneel on his knees lacing his fingers behind his head and they went and shot him anyway, my baby I think of this every day every night it hurts my heart all the time, I even mentioned this in my impact statement because it is something I cannot ever stop thinking of, it's one of the biggest horrible thing I constnatly think of. How much pain must we endure, this is not life to me anymore, I hate it, I miss my son so much!!!! And yes the days of upcoming angel days, b/d's holidays, etc are harder than ever, it will be 4 years this July, feels like just yesterday.


Re: goin nuts

I too April understand exactly how you feel Keara's angel day is coming up on April 5 and I am having those horrible nightmares and daymares. My friends and family too have moved on. They don't talk about Keara anymore and when I do they give me unwanted advice or change the subject. You can always come here and vent. We are all here for each other.

Re: goin nuts

I find myself with the same thoughts alot the past week as well. More so than usual anyway.
I feel my Chris died with a broken heart realising what was to be...that he would die without us and knowing our hearts would be broken without him. Just writting that hurts so bad....I miss him so much.
I imagine that night, I can see Chris being shot in my mind, I see his saddness as his hateful father put 8 bullets into his beautiful body...and then comes the guilt...I should have been there with him.
I am so sorry this has happened to all the ladies here but you have a special place in my heart April. That Laycee was so defenseless so innocent so little is even more heartbreaking.
Time is strange now because everyday we feel that loss of our children taken so unfairly, in an instant and that will always feel like it has just happened for us alone with each other.
Sending Love