Today my family and I are going to visit my sweet baby Tyrell resting spot, why am I so nervouse? His big brother Craig dosnt want to go he so very sad. But I'm going to try and be strong because this is what I really want. I miss him sooooo much, please someone tell me do we really live on after our children have died? Because I feel like I'm dying.
We do live, but we are not the same people we used to be. The best way for me to explain it is, you have to learn to live as a different person than you were before your son was murdered. I am not the Nanci I was before June 22, 2008, I am Nanci, but with only half my heart, the other half died with my boy, and I have had to learn to live like that. Some days, or hours or minutes are easier than others, but in all there is a big part of me missing. I sat on my porch a couple of days after my son was killed and said to myself "ok this POS got all he is getting from me and now I must figure a way to get up everyday a live some sort of life. I'm sure this is not easy to understand but it's the way it is for me, I take one day at a time and if that's too much, than I take one hour or somedays it's one minute at a time. We are all different, yet we are all the same just know that we are all here for you and we will do the best we can to help you through this nightmere we now call life.
You are in my thoughts.
I agree with what Nanci has said, we go through the motions, we put on our happy faces and put one foot in front of the other every day. It's been three years for me still some days I am so over whelmed with grief I just don't even want to take another step. Then I think about my Jim's baby girl Sandra she is what keeps me going. I find staying busy helps me through the day.
I couldn't said it better than Nanci or Shirley. I know I'll never be the same, my whole family has fallen apart, my life is what it is, I live one day at a time barely days I can even make it thru it. My boys will not visit Timmy's grave. I go most of the time by myself, I cry and sometimes I don't, I decorate all the time for the holidays it gives me peace. I talk to him even though I talk to him all the time anyway. Sometimes I blast the music from the car of the songs he liked and just sit there. I know it's hard we do what we can and take one minute at a time. ((hugs))
Cynthia, I hardly ever go to the cemetary. I just hate seeing that headstone. It makes everything more final in my mind even though I know it anyway. I don't really know how to explain it. On April 5th Keara will have been dead for 5 years. I will go to the cemetary that day with my grandchildren. I agree with everything that others have said. I guess we somehow put one foot in front of the other and on some days we can't.