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Frances,,,Jr's mom

IP: 66.214.69.63

Mar 30, 08 - 2:04 PM

Today I cried...

Today I have cried all morning, I can't seem to function I just want to see my Jr...I feel so sad, and hurt so much,,last night Ruben Sr. took Anthony (Jr's little boy, he's 6) for a ride and to just hang out with Poppa, when Ruben Sr. returned home he had tears in his eyes, I asked him if everything was okay, Sr. told me "Anthony wants to know what it is like to die, and did his daddy feel pain when he died?, He also asked if he died could he see his daddy in heaven and would his daddy know him?" So again to all the people that say I am fortunate to have grandchildren, that I should feel grateful, that I shouldn't cry so much because of the fact that I have them..Tell me again...because I seem to be reminded everyday of the loss of Jr. especially when I look into there little eyes and see how it has impacted their lives and the lives of all who loved and cared for Jr... Tell me how to answer a 6 year olds questions about the man he called DADDY. I would really like to know what to tell his 3 year old Brieana, (daddy's girl) I can't find a shovel to go to the cementary so we can dig her daddy up because as she says "Daddy's been sleeping long enough, and I really need him now!" So tell me how I am not suppose to feel so much pain, or cry so much...Tell me how to help my daughter when she calls me crying because she is missing her only brother, or she just wants to see him...and all we have are video's or pictures...
I ask God to help me everyday, but sometimes I feel like he's to busy or he is just not listening...who am I to ask for anything from God, he let this horrible thing happen to my Jr. and then I think he looked down that night and said "this child of my is going to suffer more, so I am just going to ease his pain and take him" I am so comfused today...Sorry

Frances Jr's mom

connie marchant

IP: 216.166.159.185

Mar 30th, 2008 - 6:56 PM

Re: Today I cried...

Frances,
God knows your pain and is never to busy.
He hears and answers every prayer just not how we want him to at the moment.
I ask the same question why my son? God could have saved him but he didn't instead he called him home to be with him and all the other precious angels!
I know that someday I will be with Justin and walk among all the precious angels.
There is not a doubt in my mind that our children are with us more than we think.
My grandchildren prayer for their daddy to watch over them and this seems to help.
We take flowers out often and they know their daddy can't wake up and their are very evil people that put him there.
Please know that you are not alone and the feelings you have are felt by all and we are all in this long journey together and will be beside each other and pick the one up that stumbles or falls and keep on the long road until we all reach the golden gate and embrace our children.
Thoughts & Prayers,
Connie

Darien-Keara\\'s Mom

IP: 4.88.118.73

Mar 31st, 2008 - 9:30 AM

Re: Today I cried...

Frances, I really can understand how you feel. Keara left behind two children, my grandchildren when she was murdered and I know it is so hard to hear the things they say and see the suffering that and evil that has come into their lives. People always tell me I also should be grateful to have my grandchildren and I am but it is so sad that they are still in counseling almost two years after Keara was murdered and that their innocence has been robbed from them. My grandaughter looks so much like her Mom and sometimes it is hard for me to look at her because I cry. I have cried and cried and cried also. Sometimes I can't believe there could be any tears left. This Sat. April 5 will be two years since Keara was murdered. I know what you mean about God. I'm not sure what I believe anymore. Feel free to email me directly if you would like to talk.
Hugs, Darien

Bette

IP: 216.237.180.2

Mar 31st, 2008 - 1:42 PM

Re: Today I cried...

I do understand also how you feel. My son was only 15, so I have no grandchildren so I can't reply on that, but I could imagine how hard it is to explain to a little tiny child what it will be like without their mommy or daddy. It's just so heartbreaking. I see my 2 older boys, 20 and 22, and how they are devestated over their baby brothers death, and how this has affected all of us and how our lives will never ever be the same. I too had wondered why would God take my baby away from me, he was such a good kid, he was my buddy and he is gone and I feel lost without him. I raised him on my own the day he was born and me and my ex split up when I was 7 months preg. with Timmy and I had two other little boys to raise. But it was different with him, he was like my shadow. I don't feel whole anymore. I cry every night, every single night. I hold it in all day because of work and plus I don't want to cry in front of my other sons, I hold it until I can't anymore and wonder where does this come from deep down inside me???? Where does this pain come from? I will never understand why this happened to such a good kid, why me, why my family, what has happened to this world that someone can just walk up and kill someone within the blink of an eye?

You just go ahead and cry, let it out, you have the right to cry, you have the right to be angry.

I will keep you in my prayers, as I do for all you moms out there, we suffer together.

Lorre

IP: 207.200.116.70

Mar 31st, 2008 - 2:01 PM

Re: Today I cried...

Dear Frances and Darien,

You girls ARE lucky to have those grandbabies. I know I would give anything to see a part of my Taelor again, to know that his legacy wasn't stopped because of someone else's evil. That being said, I know how hard it is to have small children around that do not understand. My daughter was 3 years and 9 months when Taelor, Josie, and my parents were slain. She was very confused and I was of course, a mess. I was able to us funds from L & I for murder victim's family's to seek grief therapy for her. She went for about 3 years and it helped a lot. Another thing you might want to check out is the website:

www.centeringcorp.com

It has lots of grief specific books for surviving children, etc. PLEASE look at what they have to offer, you might find just the thing that has the answers that you don't. One of my favorite books that she read in therapy when she was 6 (that I've posted here before) was called "The Next Place That I Go", I'm posting it again for you.

From the children's book entiltled: THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO

THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO WILL BE AS PEACEFUL AND FAMILIAR AS A SLEEPY SUMMER SUNDAY AND A SWEET UNTROUBLED MIND
AND YET IT WON'T BE ANYTHING LIKE ANY PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN OR SEEN OR EVEN DREAMED OF IN THE PLACE I LEAVE BEHIND

I WON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING
AND I WON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN
AS I TUMBLE THROUGH THE ALWAYS
AND LOOK BACK TOWARD THE WHEN
I'LL GLIDE BEYOND THE RAINBOWS, I'LL DRIFT ABOVE THE SKY, I'LL FLY INTO THE WONDER WITHOUT EVER WONDERING WHY

I WON'T REMEMBER GETTING THERE,
SOMEHOW I'LL JUST ARRIVE
BUT I'LL KNOW THAT I BELONG THERE AND WILL FEEL
MUCH MORE ALIVE THAN I HAVE EVER FELT BEFORE,
I WILL BE ABSOLUTELY FREE
OF THE THINGS THAT I HELD ONTO THAT WERE
HOLDING ONTO ME

THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO WILL BE SO QUIET AND SO STILL,
THAT THE WHISPERED SONG OF SWEET BELONGING WILL
RISE UP TO FILL THE LISTENING SKY WITH JOYFUL SILENCE
AND WITH UNHEARD HARMONIES
OF MUSIC MADE BY NO ONE PLAYING, LIKE A HUSH UPON A BREEZE

THERE WILL BE NO ROOM FOR DARKNESS
IN THAT PLACE OF LIVING LIGHT
WHERE AN EVER DAWNING MORNING PUSHES BACK THE DYING NIGHT THE VERY AIR WILL FILL WITH BRILLIANCE
AS THE BRIGHTLY SHINING SUN AND THE MOON AND
HALF A MILLION STARS ARE MARRIED INTO ONE

THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO WON'T REALLY BE A PLACE AT ALL
THERE WON'T BE ANY SEASONS WINTER, SUMMER, SPRING OR FALL
NOR A MONDAY, NOR A FRIDAY, NOR DECEMBER, NOR JULY
AND THE SECONDS WILL BE STANDING STILL WHILE HOURS HURRY BY

I WILL NOT BE A BOY OR GIRL, A WOMAN OR A MAN
I'LL SIMPLY BE JUST SIMPLY ME, NO WORSE OR BETTER THAN
MY SKIN WILL NOT BE DARK OR LIGHT, I WON'T BE FAT OR TALL
THE BODY I ONCE LIVED IN WON'T BE PART OF ME AT ALL

I WILL FINALLY BE PERFECT, I WILL BE WITHOUT A FLAW
I WILL NEVER MAKE ONE MORE MISTAKE
OR BREAK THE SMALLEST LAW
AND THE ME THAT WAS IMPATIENT OR WAS ANGRY OR UNKIND,
WILL SIMPLY BE A MEMORY, THE ME I LEFT BEHIND

I WILL TRAVEL EMPTY HANDED THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE THING
I HAVE COLLECTED IN MY LIFE THAT I WOULD EVER WANT TO BRING EXCEPT THE LOVE OF THOSE WHO LOVED ME
AND THE WARMTH OF THOSE WHO CARED,
THE HAPPINESS AND MEMORIES AND MAGIC THAT WE SHARED

THOUGH I WILL KNOW THE JOY OF SOLITUDE, I'LL NEVER BE ALONE
I'LL BE EMBRACED BY ALL THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS I'VE EVER KNOWN
ALTHOUGH I MIGHT NOT SEE THEIR FACES,
ALL OUR HEARTS WILL BEAT AS ONE
AND THE CIRCLE OF OUR SPIRITS WILL SHINE BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN

I WILL CHERISH EVERY FRIENDSHIP I WAS FORTUNATE TO FIND,
THE LOVE AND ALL THE LAUGHTER IN THE PLACE I LEAVE BEHIND
ALL THESE GOOD THINGS WILL GO WITH ME,
THEY WILL MAKE MY SPIRIT GLOW
AND THAT LIGHT WILL SHINE FOREVER IN THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, I understand how you feel about God. I wasn't on speaking terms with him for several years after my family was killed. What I've come to learn with time is that this world is not the one that God intended; that it became so full of man's selfish desires to seperate themselves from God and be their own God that the Lord had to send his own son down for sacrifice just to save those who remained faithful. Remember, Mary watched her Jesus die on the cross. I can't even imagine. And the shortest phrase in the bible is "Jesus wept" when he saw the sorrow of those whose family member died before he raised them from the dead. Nonetheless, the depth of their sorrow moved Christ so much to bring him to tears. From where you stand right now I know it's hard to believe that God is compassionate, but I believe He is. In the old testament it speaks of Rachel weeping (because her baby was murdered) and says "she will not be comforted". Because God knows how inconsolable a mother who lost her child is. In Revelations God is asked, "When will our murders be avenged?" And He promises strong retribution to those who have taken lives. His wrath will be unparalleled. He is a righteous God, make no mistake. And he understands better than we will ever know.

Hope some of this helps.

Love,
Lorre

connie marchant

IP: 216.166.159.185

Mar 31st, 2008 - 7:11 PM

Re: Today I cried...

Lorre,
You are so comforting and so strong!
Thoughts & Prayers,
Connie

Cindy Eller

IP: 204.181.51.85

Mar 31st, 2008 - 9:01 PM

Re: Today I cried...

I am so very sorry for the pain you are in. I can tell you I know how it is to try to answer a child's questions about their parent's murder you see my grandchildren witnessed my daughter being shot first in the stomach through the bedroom door then twice in the face. I have been asked what color mommies hair was because they could not remember because of all the blood. I have also been asked why did daddy have to shoot their mommy, why did daddy want to kill me. I also had a 6 year old tell me it was her fault that she could of taken the gun away from daddy. Our Grandchildren are gifts we look at them everyday and see our beautiful child lost to an animal but it is torture to be helpless when it comes to comforting a grief stricken child. I pray before I answer every question because I am determined to raise healthy well adjusted children who one day may make a difference in this cruel cruel world. I pray that you will be given the strength you need to help Anthony through this loss. Many prayers and much love

Monica's Mom Cindy

Frances,,,Jr's mom

IP: 66.214.69.63

Apr 1st, 2008 - 5:02 PM

Re: Today I cried...

Here I am crying again, not because of my pain but for the pain of all of you that have answered my call..not because of how I am feeling to day (so sad) but because of the sadness that we as mothers have to endure because some idiot decided that a life was not a precious item and that it didn't cost anything to just destroy so many lives...Thanks to all of you that have responded to my message,,,and thanks for the kind words and wisdom that you have shared for me to make it through one more moment, day, week...
I am so sad today, my depression is so deep I don't think I can climb out this time...I really want to see my son...so much so that I can't stop crying or wanting... I still can't believe that he is really gone. People say "My God it has been a year, come on, let it go." I don't know how to let him go. I can't explain how sad I feel today, how heavy my heart is. again thanks for the caring messages
Hugs and prayers
Frances Jr's mom

Yvonne (Joshua Underwood\'s mom)

http:/ memoryof.com/Joshua-david-Underwood

IP: 64.12.116.12

Apr 2nd, 2008 - 1:37 PM

Re: Today I cried...

Frances,
My Joshua has two children, Chloe, 5, Lil Josh, 4.
I have had Chloe since the night her father was taken.
YES we are lucky to have them,,,YES YES YES. BUT WHO WANTS TO FEEL THEY ARE TRADING THEIR CHILD FOR THEIR GRANDCHILDREN? That is the way it feels sometimes. My grandchildren are a gift from God and Joshua. But the "extra" grief is still there. It is HARD as hell to just get used to looking at them, and not seeing daddy,,but finally seeing the grandchild once again.
And, coping on a daily basis with the grandchildren's pain when you can barely survive yourself is no walk in the park.
The feelings are very confusing, and troubling.
You voiced what I havent been able to up to this point, for fear that I would feel like I wasnt grateful for my grandchildren. I AM. :) YOU ARE.
No one can predict what feelings such a horrible even will bring forth.
Love from Tn,
p.s. I am on the outs with God right now myself.
Yvonne

connie marchant

IP: 216.166.159.185

Apr 2nd, 2008 - 6:10 PM

Re: Today I cried...

How are you supposed to let go of something that grew inside of you,you walked the floor with, shared everything with and was your life?!?
We as mothers will forever have a tug on our heart and a hole that will never mend!
If someone ever told me that I should let go I would say Until you have walked even a step in my shoes don't tell me how or what I should do!!!
Thoughts & Prayers,
Connie

Vickie /Andre\'s mom

IP: 12.218.101.23

Apr 4th, 2008 - 11:00 PM

Re: Today I cried...

My son was only 17 and had no children but he had 5 siblings the youngest two were 3 and 2 years 11 months.The three year old sister is taking it the hardest.Every one she meets she tells them my brother Andre' died someone shot him.I am also at a loss what to tell her and his little brother now 2. My main fear is they won't remember him that breaks my heart.My prayers are with you and your grandchildren GOD bring peace and love to this family!!!

Author	Comment
Frances,,,Jr's mom IP: 66.214.69.63 Mar 30, 08 - 2:04 PM	Today I cried... Today I have cried all morning, I can't seem to function I just want to see my Jr...I feel so sad, and hurt so much,,last night Ruben Sr. took Anthony (Jr's little boy, he's 6) for a ride and to just hang out with Poppa, when Ruben Sr. returned home he had tears in his eyes, I asked him if everything was okay, Sr. told me "Anthony wants to know what it is like to die, and did his daddy feel pain when he died?, He also asked if he died could he see his daddy in heaven and would his daddy know him?" So again to all the people that say I am fortunate to have grandchildren, that I should feel grateful, that I shouldn't cry so much because of the fact that I have them..Tell me again...because I seem to be reminded everyday of the loss of Jr. especially when I look into there little eyes and see how it has impacted their lives and the lives of all who loved and cared for Jr... Tell me how to answer a 6 year olds questions about the man he called DADDY. I would really like to know what to tell his 3 year old Brieana, (daddy's girl) I can't find a shovel to go to the cementary so we can dig her daddy up because as she says "Daddy's been sleeping long enough, and I really need him now!" So tell me how I am not suppose to feel so much pain, or cry so much...Tell me how to help my daughter when she calls me crying because she is missing her only brother, or she just wants to see him...and all we have are video's or pictures... I ask God to help me everyday, but sometimes I feel like he's to busy or he is just not listening...who am I to ask for anything from God, he let this horrible thing happen to my Jr. and then I think he looked down that night and said "this child of my is going to suffer more, so I am just going to ease his pain and take him" I am so comfused today...Sorry Frances Jr's mom Email: gammyfba@yahoo.co,
connie marchant IP: 216.166.159.185 Mar 30th, 2008 - 6:56 PM	Re: Today I cried... Frances, God knows your pain and is never to busy. He hears and answers every prayer just not how we want him to at the moment. I ask the same question why my son? God could have saved him but he didn't instead he called him home to be with him and all the other precious angels! I know that someday I will be with Justin and walk among all the precious angels. There is not a doubt in my mind that our children are with us more than we think. My grandchildren prayer for their daddy to watch over them and this seems to help. We take flowers out often and they know their daddy can't wake up and their are very evil people that put him there. Please know that you are not alone and the feelings you have are felt by all and we are all in this long journey together and will be beside each other and pick the one up that stumbles or falls and keep on the long road until we all reach the golden gate and embrace our children. Thoughts & Prayers, Connie Email: conniemarchant@hotmail.com
Darien-Keara\\'s Mom IP: 4.88.118.73 Mar 31st, 2008 - 9:30 AM	Re: Today I cried... Frances, I really can understand how you feel. Keara left behind two children, my grandchildren when she was murdered and I know it is so hard to hear the things they say and see the suffering that and evil that has come into their lives. People always tell me I also should be grateful to have my grandchildren and I am but it is so sad that they are still in counseling almost two years after Keara was murdered and that their innocence has been robbed from them. My grandaughter looks so much like her Mom and sometimes it is hard for me to look at her because I cry. I have cried and cried and cried also. Sometimes I can't believe there could be any tears left. This Sat. April 5 will be two years since Keara was murdered. I know what you mean about God. I'm not sure what I believe anymore. Feel free to email me directly if you would like to talk. Hugs, Darien Email: darienrussell@earthlink.com Website: http://www.kearahart.com
Bette IP: 216.237.180.2 Mar 31st, 2008 - 1:42 PM	Re: Today I cried... I do understand also how you feel. My son was only 15, so I have no grandchildren so I can't reply on that, but I could imagine how hard it is to explain to a little tiny child what it will be like without their mommy or daddy. It's just so heartbreaking. I see my 2 older boys, 20 and 22, and how they are devestated over their baby brothers death, and how this has affected all of us and how our lives will never ever be the same. I too had wondered why would God take my baby away from me, he was such a good kid, he was my buddy and he is gone and I feel lost without him. I raised him on my own the day he was born and me and my ex split up when I was 7 months preg. with Timmy and I had two other little boys to raise. But it was different with him, he was like my shadow. I don't feel whole anymore. I cry every night, every single night. I hold it in all day because of work and plus I don't want to cry in front of my other sons, I hold it until I can't anymore and wonder where does this come from deep down inside me???? Where does this pain come from? I will never understand why this happened to such a good kid, why me, why my family, what has happened to this world that someone can just walk up and kill someone within the blink of an eye? You just go ahead and cry, let it out, you have the right to cry, you have the right to be angry. I will keep you in my prayers, as I do for all you moms out there, we suffer together. Email: baclark91@aol.com Website: http://timmy-clark.memory-of.com/
Lorre IP: 207.200.116.70 Mar 31st, 2008 - 2:01 PM	Re: Today I cried... Dear Frances and Darien, You girls ARE lucky to have those grandbabies. I know I would give anything to see a part of my Taelor again, to know that his legacy wasn't stopped because of someone else's evil. That being said, I know how hard it is to have small children around that do not understand. My daughter was 3 years and 9 months when Taelor, Josie, and my parents were slain. She was very confused and I was of course, a mess. I was able to us funds from L & I for murder victim's family's to seek grief therapy for her. She went for about 3 years and it helped a lot. Another thing you might want to check out is the website: www.centeringcorp.com It has lots of grief specific books for surviving children, etc. PLEASE look at what they have to offer, you might find just the thing that has the answers that you don't. One of my favorite books that she read in therapy when she was 6 (that I've posted here before) was called "The Next Place That I Go", I'm posting it again for you. From the children's book entiltled: THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO WILL BE AS PEACEFUL AND FAMILIAR AS A SLEEPY SUMMER SUNDAY AND A SWEET UNTROUBLED MIND AND YET IT WON'T BE ANYTHING LIKE ANY PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN OR SEEN OR EVEN DREAMED OF IN THE PLACE I LEAVE BEHIND I WON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING AND I WON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN AS I TUMBLE THROUGH THE ALWAYS AND LOOK BACK TOWARD THE WHEN I'LL GLIDE BEYOND THE RAINBOWS, I'LL DRIFT ABOVE THE SKY, I'LL FLY INTO THE WONDER WITHOUT EVER WONDERING WHY I WON'T REMEMBER GETTING THERE, SOMEHOW I'LL JUST ARRIVE BUT I'LL KNOW THAT I BELONG THERE AND WILL FEEL MUCH MORE ALIVE THAN I HAVE EVER FELT BEFORE, I WILL BE ABSOLUTELY FREE OF THE THINGS THAT I HELD ONTO THAT WERE HOLDING ONTO ME THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO WILL BE SO QUIET AND SO STILL, THAT THE WHISPERED SONG OF SWEET BELONGING WILL RISE UP TO FILL THE LISTENING SKY WITH JOYFUL SILENCE AND WITH UNHEARD HARMONIES OF MUSIC MADE BY NO ONE PLAYING, LIKE A HUSH UPON A BREEZE THERE WILL BE NO ROOM FOR DARKNESS IN THAT PLACE OF LIVING LIGHT WHERE AN EVER DAWNING MORNING PUSHES BACK THE DYING NIGHT THE VERY AIR WILL FILL WITH BRILLIANCE AS THE BRIGHTLY SHINING SUN AND THE MOON AND HALF A MILLION STARS ARE MARRIED INTO ONE THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO WON'T REALLY BE A PLACE AT ALL THERE WON'T BE ANY SEASONS WINTER, SUMMER, SPRING OR FALL NOR A MONDAY, NOR A FRIDAY, NOR DECEMBER, NOR JULY AND THE SECONDS WILL BE STANDING STILL WHILE HOURS HURRY BY I WILL NOT BE A BOY OR GIRL, A WOMAN OR A MAN I'LL SIMPLY BE JUST SIMPLY ME, NO WORSE OR BETTER THAN MY SKIN WILL NOT BE DARK OR LIGHT, I WON'T BE FAT OR TALL THE BODY I ONCE LIVED IN WON'T BE PART OF ME AT ALL I WILL FINALLY BE PERFECT, I WILL BE WITHOUT A FLAW I WILL NEVER MAKE ONE MORE MISTAKE OR BREAK THE SMALLEST LAW AND THE ME THAT WAS IMPATIENT OR WAS ANGRY OR UNKIND, WILL SIMPLY BE A MEMORY, THE ME I LEFT BEHIND I WILL TRAVEL EMPTY HANDED THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE THING I HAVE COLLECTED IN MY LIFE THAT I WOULD EVER WANT TO BRING EXCEPT THE LOVE OF THOSE WHO LOVED ME AND THE WARMTH OF THOSE WHO CARED, THE HAPPINESS AND MEMORIES AND MAGIC THAT WE SHARED THOUGH I WILL KNOW THE JOY OF SOLITUDE, I'LL NEVER BE ALONE I'LL BE EMBRACED BY ALL THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS I'VE EVER KNOWN ALTHOUGH I MIGHT NOT SEE THEIR FACES, ALL OUR HEARTS WILL BEAT AS ONE AND THE CIRCLE OF OUR SPIRITS WILL SHINE BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN I WILL CHERISH EVERY FRIENDSHIP I WAS FORTUNATE TO FIND, THE LOVE AND ALL THE LAUGHTER IN THE PLACE I LEAVE BEHIND ALL THESE GOOD THINGS WILL GO WITH ME, THEY WILL MAKE MY SPIRIT GLOW AND THAT LIGHT WILL SHINE FOREVER IN THE NEXT PLACE THAT I GO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Finally, I understand how you feel about God. I wasn't on speaking terms with him for several years after my family was killed. What I've come to learn with time is that this world is not the one that God intended; that it became so full of man's selfish desires to seperate themselves from God and be their own God that the Lord had to send his own son down for sacrifice just to save those who remained faithful. Remember, Mary watched her Jesus die on the cross. I can't even imagine. And the shortest phrase in the bible is "Jesus wept" when he saw the sorrow of those whose family member died before he raised them from the dead. Nonetheless, the depth of their sorrow moved Christ so much to bring him to tears. From where you stand right now I know it's hard to believe that God is compassionate, but I believe He is. In the old testament it speaks of Rachel weeping (because her baby was murdered) and says "she will not be comforted". Because God knows how inconsolable a mother who lost her child is. In Revelations God is asked, "When will our murders be avenged?" And He promises strong retribution to those who have taken lives. His wrath will be unparalleled. He is a righteous God, make no mistake. And he understands better than we will ever know. Hope some of this helps. Love, Lorre Email: Lorresmf@aol.com Website: http://www.taelor-marks.memory-of.com
connie marchant IP: 216.166.159.185 Mar 31st, 2008 - 7:11 PM	Re: Today I cried... Lorre, You are so comforting and so strong! Thoughts & Prayers, Connie Email: conniemarchant@hotmail.com
Cindy Eller IP: 204.181.51.85 Mar 31st, 2008 - 9:01 PM	Re: Today I cried... I am so very sorry for the pain you are in. I can tell you I know how it is to try to answer a child's questions about their parent's murder you see my grandchildren witnessed my daughter being shot first in the stomach through the bedroom door then twice in the face. I have been asked what color mommies hair was because they could not remember because of all the blood. I have also been asked why did daddy have to shoot their mommy, why did daddy want to kill me. I also had a 6 year old tell me it was her fault that she could of taken the gun away from daddy. Our Grandchildren are gifts we look at them everyday and see our beautiful child lost to an animal but it is torture to be helpless when it comes to comforting a grief stricken child. I pray before I answer every question because I am determined to raise healthy well adjusted children who one day may make a difference in this cruel cruel world. I pray that you will be given the strength you need to help Anthony through this loss. Many prayers and much love Monica's Mom Cindy Email: ellerbcj@skybest.com
Frances,,,Jr's mom IP: 66.214.69.63 Apr 1st, 2008 - 5:02 PM	Re: Today I cried... Here I am crying again, not because of my pain but for the pain of all of you that have answered my call..not because of how I am feeling to day (so sad) but because of the sadness that we as mothers have to endure because some idiot decided that a life was not a precious item and that it didn't cost anything to just destroy so many lives...Thanks to all of you that have responded to my message,,,and thanks for the kind words and wisdom that you have shared for me to make it through one more moment, day, week... I am so sad today, my depression is so deep I don't think I can climb out this time...I really want to see my son...so much so that I can't stop crying or wanting... I still can't believe that he is really gone. People say "My God it has been a year, come on, let it go." I don't know how to let him go. I can't explain how sad I feel today, how heavy my heart is. again thanks for the caring messages Hugs and prayers Frances Jr's mom Email: gammyfba@yahoo.co,
Yvonne (Joshua Underwood\'s mom) IP: 64.12.116.12 Apr 2nd, 2008 - 1:37 PM	Re: Today I cried... Frances, My Joshua has two children, Chloe, 5, Lil Josh, 4. I have had Chloe since the night her father was taken. YES we are lucky to have them,,,YES YES YES. BUT WHO WANTS TO FEEL THEY ARE TRADING THEIR CHILD FOR THEIR GRANDCHILDREN? That is the way it feels sometimes. My grandchildren are a gift from God and Joshua. But the "extra" grief is still there. It is HARD as hell to just get used to looking at them, and not seeing daddy,,but finally seeing the grandchild once again. And, coping on a daily basis with the grandchildren's pain when you can barely survive yourself is no walk in the park. The feelings are very confusing, and troubling. You voiced what I havent been able to up to this point, for fear that I would feel like I wasnt grateful for my grandchildren. I AM. :) YOU ARE. No one can predict what feelings such a horrible even will bring forth. Love from Tn, p.s. I am on the outs with God right now myself. Yvonne Email: bluangl27o@aol.com Website: http://http:/ memoryof.com/Joshua-david-Underwood
connie marchant IP: 216.166.159.185 Apr 2nd, 2008 - 6:10 PM	Re: Today I cried... How are you supposed to let go of something that grew inside of you,you walked the floor with, shared everything with and was your life?!? We as mothers will forever have a tug on our heart and a hole that will never mend! If someone ever told me that I should let go I would say Until you have walked even a step in my shoes don't tell me how or what I should do!!! Thoughts & Prayers, Connie Email: conniemarchant@hotmail.com
Vickie /Andre\'s mom IP: 12.218.101.23 Apr 4th, 2008 - 11:00 PM	Re: Today I cried... My son was only 17 and had no children but he had 5 siblings the youngest two were 3 and 2 years 11 months.The three year old sister is taking it the hardest.Every one she meets she tells them my brother Andre' died someone shot him.I am also at a loss what to tell her and his little brother now 2. My main fear is they won't remember him that breaks my heart.My prayers are with you and your grandchildren GOD bring peace and love to this family!!! Email: vickie_springer@yahoo.com Website: http://andrethomas.memory-of.com