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Bette
 IP: 216.237.180.2 Mar 11, 08 - 2:02 PM |
I just can't take it anymore
I'm tired, tired of not sleeping, tired they haven't caught my son's killer, tired of knowing they are walking around with not a care in the world, tired of no justice being done. I'm just so sick of it all. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of being in pain and my heart broken in tiny pieces. I have 2 other boys, my one has some problems and one thing came up that turned out not to be right and he is so disappointed and sad and has no one to go to for him to grieve over his little brother, I'm tired of getting kicked in the face every time I'm down, I'm sick of the way my life has become. I miss my son sooooooo much I think of him constantly, ever second of every day, every night I cry and pray and talk to him. The pain I feel I don't show because people don't get it, they think oh she's ok, she's functioning, yes I am on the outside, but on the inside, I'm falling to pieces, then I have my other boys to worry about. My oldest fallng apart, being where he shouldn't be, not gettinghelp when he should be, I hate the justice system I think it sucks, how can some get away with these terrible things and then some who do something stupid make stuipid mistake pay the price of something like they were monsters.???? Im sick of it all. I have no answers, I get no help. the only time I feel some peace is when I write here or go to this org. I joined with other moms who kids have been murdered, and I still sit there and think why and I here, why did my baby die at 15 he never di anything to anyone, he never hurt anyone, he was a good boy, he was shy, quiet, handsome, the prettiest smile ever and those eyes, those big blue eyes, I miss seeing them, I miss his big bear hugs, I miss him so much I can't stand it, and every dayI try and fake it thru. the only time I get to let it out of me is when I'm alone I go on his memorial site and i site there and look at his pictures as a slide show and listen to that beautiful song, and read his candles and I cry and cry anc cry and cry. Until nothing, where I can't breathe anymore. And I have to stop or I'll sit there for hours and I don't want my other son to see me like that, he gets upset. And to that other mom, I'm sorry I can't remember the post name, you talk about your baby as much as you want, if they don't like it then they can leave the room. I don't care, I'll talk about my son, if people don't want to hear than don't come around me. he will always be a part of me as if he was alive, what are we supposed to just forget they existed??? How dare anyone do that to you or make you feel that way and uncomfortable. Thank you all for letting me vent. I just so tired so tired of it all. How life is so unfair to some of us, and how us moms suffer, it's just not right. |
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Cindy Monica\'s Mom
IP: 69.77.132.11 Mar 11th, 2008 - 2:44 PM |
Re: I just can't take it anymore
Bette, I am sorry that life has been so cruel. I wish that I could say something that would help but as I myself knows just someone who both knows and feels my pain is some help. So know that we will listen anytime and we will be sending prayers up for you and your family. Remember Timmy is with you everywhere you go that CANNOT be taken from you. I am so very sorry. much love Cindy Monica's Mom |
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