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Frances Ruben's mom
 IP: 66.214.69.63 Feb 15, 08 - 3:55 PM |
somebody please help
I can't stop crying, I have been crying now for 2 days and I don't know what to do I keep thinking of him from last year, How he was so happy and giving his kids hugs and kisses for valentines. I can't stand this pain in my heart I just want it to go away and nothing helps. I want my son back!!!!Next thursday the 21st it will be one year I wish I could go back and change this horrible thing that we are all having to bear. God I don't understand what I could have done to have to bear such a heavy burden of losing my son, and having to deal with the pain. I just don't understand, Somebody tell me WHY? I feel like I'm going crazy and I have no control over how bad my heart aches for this wonderful loving child of mine. I look around the neighborhood and think to my self everyone else goes on with there lives, and I can't even make it one day. I wonder if everyone has already forgotten him, how his friends and foes go on like nothing and I want to scream out "Do you remember Jr." I'm so sorry, I feel like I don't have the right to be so broken up because alot of you have worse cases, I feel so shelfish, At a grief meeting that I went to they tell you not to fall in to self pity and I really try not to but other times I tell myself I don't care he was my son, I WANT HIM BACK! Deb, I am so sorry about the plea on manslaughter, sometimes nothing seems fair. It's like they (the DA) play trade up or who's got the best deal. It is so disturbing the games they play with lives, especially the victims family, all we want is justice for the death of our child, and no one else gives a ****. Well I am just rambling, I can't stop crying now, so I need to go lay down and rest I am so tired. My love and prayers for all of you. |
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Kayt Fossler
IP: 216.134.252.226 Feb 15th, 2008 - 8:32 PM |
Re: somebody please help
Frances, give yourself a break. It's only been a year.Of course you are crying your heart out, it's been broken and hearts take a long time to mend. You have your son's first rebirth date coming up. Each and every woman on this site will tell you, sometimes you will have to take it by the second, not by the min., hour or day, but by one breath at a time. Nothing anyone can do or say right now is going to feel or sound right and even though the grief group meant well, crying for your son less than a year after he was murdered is not self pity (shame on them ) I was told that God, gave us tears, to wash away the pain, the anger and the frustration life often brings us. I think my head would have exploded if I didn't have the ability to cry and cry I did. Ladies don't beat yourselves up for how you feel, we have all lost the most presious thing life had to offer and it will feel like you can't go on. We do go on, we do find a new purpose and some day you will smile again. I know it doesn't feel like it now. May peace be with you on this sad and lonley journey. Kayt, Wes Matheson's mom I WISH I COULD TURN BACK THE CLOCK TO THE DAY THE BUG FLEW IN MY EAR TO KNOW THEN, WHAT I KNOW KNOW, ABOUT THINGS THAT WERE TO HAPPEN THAT YEAR. TO CALL MY SON TO WISH HIM WELL TO HEAR HIS VOICE ONE LAST TIME TO TELL HIM I LOVED HIM AND WAS SO PROUD THAT HE WAS A CHILD OF MINE BUT I DIDN'T CALL THAT DAY IN MAY AND AM LEFT TO WONDER WHAT IF FOR HE'S GONE FROM US NOW, YOU KNOW, IT'S HIS SWEET SMILE THAT I MISS I WISH I COULD TURN BACK THAT CLOCK TO SEE THAT BOY ONCE AGAIN TO ALTER THE COURSE THAT BUG FLEW TO WAKE, FROM THIS TERRIBLE DREAM. THAT IMPISH GRIN THAT WILD HAIR THE INNOCENT LOVE THAT HE GAVE TO ALL OF HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY, HE'LL NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE HE MADE THE YEARS GO BY I STILL WONDER WHY THAT BOY HAD TO LEAVE SO SOON LEAVING A GAPING HOLE IN MY HEART SINGNG THIS SOULFUL TUNE. I WISH I COULD TURN BACK THAT CLOCK TO THE DAY THE BUG FLEW IN MY EAR! This is a poem I wrote after Wes, was murdered. A friend of mine put music to it and it is on Wes's memorial site. Writing has been one of the things that have helped me. Peace and prayers |
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Kay mom of Joshua Delaney
IP: 75.70.88.218 Feb 15th, 2008 - 10:54 PM |
Re: somebody please help
Frances, I must tell you that you describe many a day in my life and I am approaching my sons 3 year angel anniversary. Noone has the right to tell you how you will grieve or when it will cease. For me I dont think that day will ever come as probably most MOMS here will tell you the same. HOw can you forget the loss of yourself, a child who you watched grow like a weed. The memories too soon taken away. I often go out on smoke breaks at work and look at the skies. I often think I see messages from my son. I can't tell you what I see as you will have to look for yourself and interpret it for yourself. Let the tears flow as they are a release for us. I still cry daily, on the way to work, at breaks, on the way home and when I go to bed at night. I am surviving on some level, but the pain does not go away. A song, a breeze, a bird can trigger the tears. I have accepted that my life is going on, but I will NEVER forget my firstborn son. Hold on Frances. Kayt, I love that poem it is so beautiful! Straight from the heart! God Bless |
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Cindy Eller
IP: 204.181.51.85 Feb 16th, 2008 - 6:19 AM |
Re: somebody please help
God gave you this child to love unconditionally and that does not mean that the love stops. We will FOREVER cry for our children taken from us. There is no getting over it there is just learning to live with the pain. Please remember there is no other place where you can go that you will find the love and understanding that these women here have. We are all here for you. Let yourself cry when you feel like it, your loss has earned you the right!!! Love and Prayers Cindy Monica's Mom |
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joann hubert mom
IP: 69.31.156.48 Feb 16th, 2008 - 10:24 AM |
Re: somebody please help
I AN FEELING THE SAME WE WILL ALWAYS MORN THE LOSS OF OUR CHILDREN.IT"S A ENDLESS PAIN THAT WILL NEVER HEAL .SO MANY PEOPLE DON"T KNOW WHAT WE GO THRU EACH DAY .SOME HAVE TO TAKE PILLS SOME OF US DON"T, THAY WANT US TO GO ON WITH OUR LIFE AS WE DID WHEN OUR CHILDREN WAS HERE.WE CAN NOT GO AN CHANGE WHAT HAPPEN TO THIM I WISH WE CAN. WE JUST WANT OUR LIFE BACK.NO WORDS NO ONE CAN SAY THAT WILL BRING THIM BACK YOU ARE ALL IN MY PRAYERS AN LOVE YOU ALL JOANN -HUBERT MOM. |
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