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Darien
 IP: 4.88.118.121 Dec 10, 07 - 8:03 PM |
Capital Restorative Justice Project
I went to a function held by this organization on Sat. The attendees were family members and friends of homicide victimes, family and friends of death row inmates, defense attorneys ,victim advocates and Advocates of abolishing the death penalty. I was invited to this event last year but Keara's murder was so new and i didn't think I could handle it. It was interesting and I realised how families of the perpetrators also suffer. I can't say that it really gave me peace though. Today I found out that the funding for my part time job is gone so I am going into the holiday even more stressed. I wonder if I will ever get a break. The grieving takes so much and then wondering how to pay the bills takes more. I would give anything for a visit from Keara right now. I'm so glad for you Kayt. I still don't have a clue how to live my life without Keara. Sometimes it just seems so impossibly hard. I used to love the holidays and now I would rather just sleep through them. Does this really ever get easier? People say so and I am waiting but it sure doesn't feel like it. |
kayt Fossler
IP: 216.134.252.226 Dec 10th, 2007 - 8:58 PM |
Re: Capital Restorative Justice Project
Yes Darien, It does get easier but I still have meltdowns. The good days are out numbering the bad days though. Don't exspect too much out of yuorself, those of us who have put in years and miles of grieving will tell you, we have all been where you are right now, wondering how we would be able to take that next step, or even the next breath but we do. We even go on to smile again and find joy in life. I never thought I would but I have. It doesn't mean I miss Wes any less, I don't, it just isn't as gut wrenching anymore. Peace be with you. I think we would all like to sleep through the holidays, I know there are a few of my family members that would pay to have me kept in a coma for some of them. They still don't know how to handle the tears and sudden outbursts! Something as simple as making a wedding cake had me in the foulest of moods(it should have been Wes's) I was so ugly it almost drove me nuts, I was a real -itch. |
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