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Bette
 IP: 205.188.116.12 Nov 21, 07 - 10:40 PM |
Happy Thanksgiving
This is my first, as I sit here crying my eyes out at 11:30PM knowing I have to get up early and do the usual turkey dinner and my baby won't be here. My baby won't be here and it's breaking my heart. Why God, Why oh why. I miss him so much I can't stand the pain. and I know I have to be ok for my other boys, God gives me strength but when I'm alone and I go to his memorial page and read his candle and I cry seeing his pictures and wishing this was just a freaking nightmare. How am I ever going to get over this, ever be the smae, no I'll never be the same. And that monster is out there having dinner with his family I bet enjoying his life when he took 2 boys lives and my baby only 15 and never hurt anyone. I'm so sick of the pain I feel, the heartach, I cry every night before I went to sleep and cry myself to sleep sometimes. I was doing ok for a few days and now with the holidays and tomorrow being Thanksgiving and he loved it cause he just loved to eat, he at it all, and came back for seconds. It's just so unreal, like I'm watching someone else's life unravel before them. Oh my baby I miss him I miss his laugh, his smile, his pretty eyes, his goofing grin, everything I miss everything even when he got on my nerves, how I wish I could feel that again, I miss the big bear hugs and the hi mom, how was your day? Can we go to Blockbusters to rent a game? Can I have some money for Chinese, oh God I miss it all. Everything, every memory good and bad hurts like he**, I cherish the good ones and am so glad there are so many of them. How cute he was when he was a baby, how he was turning out to be such a fine young man. I was so proud of him, I used to tell him all the time how he can do anything in this life if you put your mind to it. He had so much to live for. So much. Now there is only sadness in my heart. |
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Karen Wes's mom
IP: 75.162.107.150 Nov 22nd, 2007 - 11:12 AM |
Re: Happy Thanksgiving
Bette, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. This isn't going to be a "happy" Thanksgiving. It does not seem right to be giving thanks after having your child taken away. Christmas won't be "merry" either. I understand your pain and how you long for your son. It is too much for a mother to endure and consumes all of our being. Some days I don't know if I'm going to explode or collapse. I hope you make it through the day and that you let everyone (anyone!) help with the dishes!!! Karen Wes's mom |
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