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michelle brown

michellebrown35@yahoo.com tony-barthelemy.memory-of.com

IP: 70.255.104.45

Oct 26, 07 - 3:51 PM
NOT THE SAME ANY MORE!!!

HELLO MOM'S,I BEEN TRYING TO FIT BACK INTO THIS EVIL WORLD,LATELY I BEEN SO DEPRESSED,LOSS,CONFUSED,NOT THINKING,FORGETFUL!!LAST NIGHT AT WORK,I WAS IN A CASHIER'S CLASS I TOOK FOR TWO DAY'S,I HAVE CASHIER A LOT OF PLACES BEFORE,SO I THOUGHT WELL I CAN DO THIS ALSO,WELL EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL I TOOK THE TEST ON THE REGISTER & I GOT CHOCKED UP,I KNEW THE STUFF,BUT JUST FORGOT,THEN I FLASHES OF TONY ,I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME,I FAILED!!!A CLASS OF 12,3 FAILED THE TEST,AND ONE OF THEM WAS ME,I AM NOT THE SAME ANY MORE,I USE TO BE A GO GETTER,SHARP ON ANY THING,LOVE TO SHOP,COOK,GO OUT,NOW I JUST DON'T GIVE A DAM!!!I FEEL LIKE A FOOL AT TIMES,I ASK MY SELF WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME,EVERY SINCE I LOSS MY HOME ,MY MOTHER,MY SON,MY WHOLE WORLD IS A STRUGGLE NOW!!IF IDO SOMETHING RIGHT,IT PUSHES ME UP,BUT IF I CAN'T PASS OR WIN,I AM LOT'S OF STEP'S BEHIDE,IS THIS NORMAL?AM I LOSING MY MIND!!OR JUST GIVING UP?MOM'S I KNOW LOT'S OF YOU GUY'S ARE GOING THU ALL KIND'S OF FEELING'S,WHAT TO DO!!!I PRAY ALL THE TIME,I HEAR YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON,I KNOW THAT BUT HOW!!!!MOM'S I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANY MORE!!!LOVE TONY'S-MOM!!
remember me


IP: 71.84.235.95

Oct 27th, 2007 - 2:02 PM
Re: NOT THE SAME ANY MORE!!!

Hi Michelle, no you are not losing your mind, you are grieving. I can't remember things either. I've been told maybe I have early onset dementia because of my memory problems. I'm not brain deseased, I'm grieving. People who haven't gone through what we are just don't get it. They think we should "snap out of it" and be like we were, but it doesn't work like that. Every thing that goes wrong is huge to me, someone kicked me off their friends list the other day and that sent me into a tizzy. Dumb isn't it? It just takes time to get through the court hearings and then work on our personal recovery. Your son was a huge part of your life for many years, it will take time to get to the other side of this nightmare, but you will. You are a very strong lady. Much love from smokey so cal.
Lorre


IP: 207.200.116.70

Oct 27th, 2007 - 10:31 PM
Re: NOT THE SAME ANY MORE!!!

No, we are not the same anymore. And given what we have been through, it is completely normal. Please be gentle on yourself. We are all suffering from Post traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Please check out this link and read about this so you can better understand what is happening to you.

www.healthyminds.org/multimedia/ptsd.pd


Love,
Lorre
Tracey (Terrell's MOM)


IP: 68.238.27.228

Oct 27th, 2007 - 11:17 PM
Re: NOT THE SAME ANY MORE!!!

Hey Michelle:

No, you will never be the same anymore especially after what you've been through. How can you be now that your heart is broken into a million pieces on top of losing your mother and your home. Don't beat yourself up for failing a test you knew how to take because out of the 12 how many are in your situation and we know why you failed but what about the other two. Given what you are going through, you were the smartest in the class just by putting one foot in front of the other.

Hang in there and I'm praying for you and your boys.
Love Tracey (Terrell's MOM)
TERRY{CEDRIC'S}MOM


IP: 69.153.221.50

Oct 29th, 2007 - 9:11 PM
Re: NOT THE SAME ANY MORE!!!

Michelle I AM SORRY THAT THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. I HAD THE MONEY I WOULD GIVE SOME TO ALL THE MOM ON THIS SITE SO THAT WE COULD JUST NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THE OTHER THIS IN OUR LIFE THAT MAKES USE FEEL BAD.HOLD YOUR HEAD UP YOUR A VERY SWEET PERSON.THANK YOU,THE OTHER MICHELLE FOR SENDING ME CARDS THAT WAS SO SWEET OF YOU BOTH AND THANKS YOU MISS BEVERLY FOR DOING MY SONS WEB SITE IT MADE ME FEEL GOOD. I LOVE YOU ALL. TERRY{CEDRIC'S}MOM
deb(dwaynes mum)


IP: 121.219.2.47

Oct 30th, 2007 - 12:37 AM
Re: NOT THE SAME ANY MORE!!!

hey michelle,yes your right we are not the same anymore,i to cannot remember the simplest things anymore,it makes me feel stupid,i was a really good speller before this happened,now i cant for the life of me spell,at work people look at me and roll there eyes because i have to ask them to many times what it was they wanted me to do.even my husband gets annoyed with me because i cant remember things,u are not alone,and believe me,we are special people,because we are stronger than we ever thought we were.we are living through a terrible nightmare,that those other people that were training for the job,will never understand,so u walk proud because u are stronger than all of them put together,u are the mother of a beautiful boy that was taken from u so tragically,just getting through each day is a big deal,so yes u are not the same anymore,but it doesnt matter,its not yr fault its the fault of the *******s that took yr sons life.many hugs and kisses michelle always in my heart Deb xxxxx
Angie-Eugene's Mom

eugene-patino.memory-of.com

IP: 70.190.217.121

Oct 30th, 2007 - 11:49 AM
Re: NOT THE SAME ANY MORE!!!

Hi Michelle,
I have been going thru those same feelings that you are the past couple of days. When we are entering a new month I get so depressed that I can not even get out of bed. Because that is another month that is going to go by without my son. November the 6th will be six months. I have been crying for the past three days. I feel like I am going to go crazy. I have not worked for the last three months. I don't even know what I am doing here or why I am here. Michelle, I am really scared. I don't even know what to say to you. I am so sorry. I will keep praying for you, myself and all the MOMS that are going thru this awful pain.


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