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Janice
 IP: 64.12.117.6 Dec 21, 06 - 7:31 PM |
How
How are we suppose to go thru with Christmas I am so sad it hurts. We my husband and three younger kids are going to serve dinner to the homeless Christmas day because I want to keep busy, We are geting Maeghanns kids for the weekend take them back to their other grandparents after church How am I gonna not cry in front of them babies I hurt so bad I keep thinking of the day we got the news and keep thinking my baby had to feel scared and hurt so much I don't know what to do I keep havin times where I start crying and I try not to because I don't want to upset the kids or Dad. I can be talking about one of the other kids and say Maeghann instead of that childs name. Feb 25th will be 1 yr it feels like it was yesterday I can't stop thinking how she must of suffered I know she is in heaven with Jesus but I miss her so much. Sorry but I am at home alone and got this depressed feeling and had to talk even if it isn't talking with a person face to face I know you moms care and know what I am going thru Janice |
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Lorre
IP: 207.200.116.70 Dec 21st, 2006 - 10:13 PM |
Re: How
Dear Janice, That first christmas is a very difficult one. Holidays seem most to remind us of how much our lives have changed. If you happen to cry, I think it is okay for people to know that you are sad because you miss Maeghann. I think your husband and the kids have times when they cry too. And it's simply impossible to try and pretend that nothing has happened. I think it is lovely that in your time of sorrow you are giving to the homeless. That is such a loving and compassionate act. I hope that it brings warmth to your heart. You just do the best that you can do and that's all that you can expect of yourself. I am enclosing the poem that we read the Christmas after my step-daughter was killed by a drunk driver (this was 5 years before my family was murdered). Take care and sending hugs to you and your family. Love, Lorre ---My first Christmas in Heaven--- I've had my first Christmas in Heaven, A glorious wonderful day, I stood with the saints of the ages Who found Christ, the Truth, and the Way. I sang with the Heavenly Choir, Just think, I joined in to sing And oh, what celestial music we brought To our Savior, our Lord and our King. We sang the glad songs of redemption, How Jesus to Bethlehem came, And how they called His name - Jesus, That all might be saved by His Name. We sang again once with the angels, The message they sang that blest morn, When Shepherds first heard the glad story, That Jesus, the Savior was born. O, dear ones, I wish you had been there, No Christmas on earth could compare, With all the rapture and glory, We witnessed in Heaven so fair. You know how I always loved Christmas, It seemed such a wonderful day, With all my loved ones around me, The childern so happy and gay. Yes, now I can see why I loved it And oh what a joy it will be, When you amd my loved ones are with me To share in the glories I see. So dear ones on earth, here's my greeting: Look up, till the day down appears, Oh what a Christmas awaits us! Beyond our parting tears. ~ Author Unknown ~ |
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Brenda
IP: 207.68.224.147 Dec 21st, 2006 - 10:17 PM |
Re: How
Dearest Janice, It is hard to try to have any type of a holiday without our child. I think it is right next to losing them. It brings it all back to us during this time. Sweetie, it has not even been a year. I hope and pray you do not have a bunch of stupid people telling you you should be over it, try to put it behind you, etc. Please do not more than you can, not what others thing you need to do. I did not celebrate Christmas for the first two years. I would not have a thing to do with it. My youngest wanted a tree, I took her to the store and let her picked out a table tree. I told her to put it in her room and keep the door shut. I still do not celebrate Christmas as we once did. We always had both families over our house, 30 to 40 people, I would be cooking for.. I just do not have it in me any longer to do this. You need to take care of yourself and not worry what others thing. I wrote this article several years ago for the support group, I stated. You may or may not find something in it to help you along your way. I hope it helps you. http.circleofhope-ms.com/webring.html I am here for you anytime.. Email me if you need someone to talk too, and I will send you my phone number. Keeping you in my prayers. Peace, comfort and hugs, Brenda |
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Michelle Simon
IP: 65.196.101.100 Dec 22nd, 2006 - 8:07 AM |
Re: How
Janice, I think it is truly special that you are reaching out to help others less fortunate during Christmas. This will also be my first Christmas without Myles and it hurts--no doubt about that. But I have made plans to focus on what Christmas means and be thankful for the child I have left and help her to understand that Christmas is a special time and birth of our Lord and Savior should be celebrated. I also plan to focus on the happy memories of Myles from Christmas past (he only celebrated 2 Christmases on this Earth--one as a newborn). Someone asked me recently if I thought that my child would want me me to be sad and unhappy during this holiday season. And although I thought at the time "what a dumb question", I came to realize that it is a valid question and the answer is that Myles or any of our children would want us to rejoice at this time of year just like they are rejoicing in Heaven. Lorre, that poem is beautiful and I am going to add it to Myles' memorial site. |
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Janice
IP: 64.12.117.6 Dec 22nd, 2006 - 9:01 AM |
Re: How
Thanks so muchn for your kind words, I spent the evening crying my eyes out. Her picture is right above my computer I would look up at it and tell her I missed her so much and that I loved her Thanks again and I will try my hardest to go thru the next days |
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Kayt Fossler
IP: 216.98.171.86 Dec 22nd, 2006 - 8:32 PM |
Re: How
Janice, This is the forth Christmas without mt son Wes, and I swear, I have been in tears for better than a week now. I can't go shopping, I only see stuff Wes would like. I picked up a musical Christmas card today, it played a Hawaiian Christmas and I just sat down and boo hooed. My grandson, Lil Will, was with me and he said " It's okay gran, uncle Wes is with us and he'd want you to be jolly" Oh my, I felt so bad but the holiday does bring it all flooding back. I could buy the goofiest stuff and he would always wear it, show it off or just laught than goofy laugh of his. Oh how we all miss our kids. I try to hide this time of year but you have to go out some time and I do want to enjoy my grandboys, I think they understand better than most. So don't feel like the odd duck out, the holidays are tuff and as I sit here writing this I shed a tear for us all. The one thing we do at Christmas is invite anyone and everyone who does not have family in the area to spend christmas Eve with us. We have a houseful and we never know who may show up, just like when Wes,lived here. So like Lil Will said to me, Maeghann is with you. Children are so in tune and it did make me chuckle a little when he said I needed to be jolly(I wonder if he's noticed my weight gain) To all of us, sister's in saddness, it will be over soon. Kayt |
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michele
IP: 71.97.129.97 Dec 22nd, 2006 - 8:48 PM |
Re: How
i agree that we do need to cowboy up and at least pretend to enjoy the holidays for the children who are still with us on earth. unfortunately i am great at giving advice and terrible at following it! i do my best to give my new daughter happy christmas memories, but the boys death will forever be a part of our lives so i feel it necessary to let her know that this is a sad time for mommy and that it is okay to have feelings and to express them. bitter-sweet. of course in the early begining after our child has died it is ( i believe) impossibe to put on the poker face. in the begining of your greif process i believe that all most of us can do is just get by. THAT IS OKAY. this is a hard time for all of us and it is very important to realize that we all heal/greive at different speeds. listen to yourself and what you need. |
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Eric\\\\'s Ma Onna
IP: 207.200.116.70 Dec 22nd, 2006 - 11:40 PM |
Re: How
Lorre, Thank you for thew beautiful poetry. It really helps. I wish all the MOMS here the most peaceful time that they can muster. Love to you all, Eric's Ma Onna |
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