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| Viewing Page 1 of 1 (Total Posts: 5) |
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michele
 IP: 71.97.129.97 Nov 11, 06 - 7:51 PM |
kathy mordecai you okay?
dear kathy, you have been in my constant thoughts and prayers since i found this site and i cant help but notice that i havent seen anything new from you in quite a few days. hope you are doing okay... love and prayers, michele |
Kathy Mordecai \\\\\\\"Ty\\\\\\\'s Mom\\\\\\\"
IP: 70.143.35.31 Nov 14th, 2006 - 9:03 PM |
Re: kathy mordecai you okay?
michele, Yes I'm still here and I thank you for asking. It has just been really difficult for me lately. Everyone tells me that I will learn to adjust and the pain will lessen and become bearable with time. I just do not believe that to be true. I find that I am closing myself off from everything and everyone. I worry non-stop about my oldest son and my grandchildren. Every day now I am terrified that they too will be taken from me. Reality seems to hit me right square in the face each morning--My baby, my last born son is gone, he will never again be coming home.I still find myself listening to hear his pickup pull in the driveway, then, again, reality hits, I will not here his pickup in the driveway. Every time I see Riley, my sons 3 year old son, he asks, where my daddy, daddy come home now, the pain, the anger, gets worse. I have pretty much I guess cut myself off from everything, including this site and I know that I should not do that. This site has brought me such peace in many ways, just being able to talk to others who know exactly how I feel---I find that to be painful also, just to know that there are so many other mothers out there who are in the same HELL as me. Thank you for being concerned, that means a great deal to me but to answer your question truthfully--------I DON'T KNOW IF I AM OKAY---I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I AM! I tell myself each day--you have to get up, you have to push yourself, you have to be strong and continue to fight for justice for Ty, you have to work, you have to pay your bills, you have to, the list just goes on and on, but the sad truth is most days I don't know how, things seem so pointless to me now. I know that I can come to this site and vent and talk about the hell I am in and all of the moms will know exactly how I feel because they are or have been right where I am, but then the thought crosses my mind---they don't need to listen to me about my loss and how horrible it is to deal with-----They too have lost a child, they have felt the feelings I am feeling, they don't need to listen to me whine and feel sorry for myself. I have always been a very strong woman. Everyone who knows me thinks that I can handle anything, nothing gets me down. Not this time, I can't handle this and I am about as far down as a person can get. Again thank you for asking. I bet after listening to me whine and ramble you wish you had not asked! Ha! God Bless you and all the MOMS, maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Love Kathy "Ty's Mom" |
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Lorre
IP: 207.200.116.70 Nov 15th, 2006 - 12:36 AM |
Re: kathy mordecai you okay?
Dear Kathy, I am glad that Michele asked about you. I know that for me during the times that I am "down" it is hard to come here and dredge up things I'd rather not think about. Or when I am saturated by them with court or something. Let's face it, we MOMS could write the saddest story in the world. But the truth of the matter is, we do care very deeply about eachother. There is no such thing as a grieving mother who whines. You whine if you broke a nail, missed your freeway exit, didn't get a hug from your man...we don't whine. Personally, I feel we commiserate and so what, if this doesn't give us license to feel very bad for a very long time I don't know what does. Society doesn't like us to not function, but I'd like to see someone function who just had their arm severed (and not repaired). We are open wounds. And we are salve to one another. We are stronger together. It's okay when MOMS pop in and out. I just like to know that my girls are okay and if they're not, I like to know who to say extra prayers for. I am sorry for your feelings but it is okay to have them-don't feel badly about feeling badly. This is no easy road. One day we will awaken to hear our kids again...until then we've got eachother to "rant", "rave" and even "whine" to. Who else would understand the daily dance we do with our sanity? Sending you BIG hugs! Love, Lorre |
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Michelle Simon
IP: 65.196.101.100 Nov 15th, 2006 - 11:19 AM |
Re: kathy mordecai you okay?
Hi Kathy, I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and the other MOMS here as well. This is a lonely road we are on and without prayer and faith, its even moreso. God bless. |
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michele
IP: 71.97.129.97 Nov 15th, 2006 - 2:13 PM |
Re: kathy mordecai you okay?
dearest kathy, i am so glad to get a message back from you. i know that you are feeling hopless right now and i wish i could take the pain from you. i wish i did not know what you are going through. but i do remember the days of wondering how i could live the rest of my life without my babies. the emotional pain was so severe that it was physical. i always described it as "someone punched me in the heart but never removed their fist". every day seemed more pointless than the next. when you describe how you mourn for ty it reminds me of the things that i used to do after jon and eric died. i thought i was crazy. every day i would check their beds when i got up hoping this was a dream. this is "normal". your mind needs time to process what has taken place. that is why we do those repetitive type things. i used to search the house over and over for something that they may have left behind. even a drop of blood or urine. it took me months to even clean around the toilet. i wouldn't even wash their clothes in the hamper so i could go back and smell them. i left many things where they had put them as if i thought that they would come home and play with their toys if i left them out. be patient with yourself. the pain WILL soften. I promise. it seems neverending right now and i know this. please do not isolate yourself. it will only make you feel more alone. let others help give you the strength to make it through another day. keep your head up. you are not alone. you are loved, michele |
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