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| Author | Comment |
michele
 IP: 71.97.129.97 Nov 3, 06 - 7:35 AM |
throwing a rope down to the moms in the dark hole
just wanted to throw a rope of love down to all of your moms sdown in the deep dark whole which seems to be your prison. I have too been in that hole but like the rest of you i thought that i was in there alone, for it was too dark to see. at one point i thought that would be my new home. but six years later i have managed to climb out(most of the time). and all i keep thinking is that when i was in that hole if i had someone who had gone through what i went through tell me that eventually you will see light again it would have helped me beyond belief. maybe prevented a lot of my self destructive behavior and suicde attempt. you see my only two children were murdered six years ago by my husband who then killed himself. so i couldnt think of any good reason to even try to get out of the hole. i was all alone. the house was quiet. i was only 29 at the time and thought there was no way i could spend the rest of my life with this emotional pain so deep that it became physical. i always heard that "the pain of losing a child never goes away".( which is true, but it does get less intense with every passing day. )so i gave up hope because i had no one to throw me a rope to help me out of that hole of despair. so now i am throwing it to any and all of you. let me give you some hope that it is possible to find peace with the murder of your child. i am a whole new(and improved) person than i was before. for now i see what is really important in life and find beauty in things "regular" people overlook. i still miss my boys beyond belief. but I am out of the hole on most days. IT DOES GET EASIER. be patient with yourself. your child is still with you!! god will bring you to a place of peace! I have felt his power! god bless all of my sisters |
Michelle Simon
IP: 65.196.101.100 Nov 3rd, 2006 - 8:35 AM |
Re: throwing a rope down to the moms in the dark hole
Michele, thank you for these wonderful words of hope and encourage and for the rope well. Lord knows I need one. I am going to grab hold of your rope and climb out of the dark a little more each day. God bless you and the other MOMS as well and have a good weekend. |
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Tracey (Terrell's MOM)
IP: 141.152.56.31 Nov 4th, 2006 - 8:26 AM |
Re: throwing a rope down to the moms in the dark hole
Thanks for the rope Michele, I just hope I don't pull you down as I grab it to pull myself out. God Bless You Tracey (Terrell's MOM) |
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michele
IP: 71.97.129.97 Nov 5th, 2006 - 12:44 PM |
Re: throwing a rope down to the moms in the dark hole
dear tracy, do not ever be afraid to let people help you. I understand that most of the work has to be done by you. this is a slow process and your legs must do the climbing but grab onto the rope for a little support. michele |
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Tracey (Terrell's MOM)
IP: 141.152.56.31 Nov 5th, 2006 - 2:11 PM |
Re: throwing a rope down to the moms in the dark hole
Michele, it was extremely insightful that you picked up on the fact that I have problems asking for help. My legs do get weary as I try climbing out of this hole but knowing that I have MOMS on the other end when my legs give out is comforting. God Bless You Tracey (Tracey Terrell's MOM) |
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Kathy Mordecai \\\\\"Ty\\\\\'s Mom\\\\\"
IP: 70.128.123.89 Nov 5th, 2006 - 9:09 PM |
Re: throwing a rope down to the moms in the dark hole
michelle, I am reaching as far and hard as I can for that rope that will bring me from this dark endless hole, but I just don't see it. Every single day is harder, darker and worse than the day before. It just can't be real, it must be a mistake, a horrible nightmare and I will wake up and my son will be home just as before, just as he should be. I guess that I some how need to make myself face reality, but **** it, I don't like reality, I don't want reality, I want my son back. I know that is impossible and totally an insane thought, but you know what I mean, you know how I feel, which that in it's self is wrong and horrible, none of us should feel this unbearable pain, not you, not me, no mother should go through this HELL. Does reality ever hit, will I ever learn to accept and deal with the fact that my baby son is gone, murdered by a creature that should not even draw breath on this earth. I am really reaching for that rope, but I just don't know that I will ever reach it. God Bless you for your words of hope. My heart and prayers are with you and I admire your strength and how far you have come. Perhaps someday I will stand there beside you, but I am so far from there right now. I just keep thinking what is the point of anything anymore. I know that he a selfish thought but for the Love of God, somedays, no everyday I just fall deeper and deeper into that hole called HELL of Mother's Who's Children Have Been Murdered. I am trying, and your words give me hope to make it through another day. God Bless You and Be With You. Kathy "Ty's Mom" |
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